Undergraduate / FENCING, a sport that requires utmost committment; UT Austin Transfer SOP [4]

Hey guys can you guys please edit my essay for UT Austin, I am trying to transfer there. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you very much :D

The start of high school marked a new beginning for me. High school not only changed my educational view on life, but it also marked a beginning in a sport which dictated my life thus far, one which revolves around the idea of self-discipline and hard work. When I entered high school, I decided I wanted to be different, unique, and wanted to do something that most others would only dream of doing. Physical sports were my main forte; and as a result of this talent I decided to take a sport that would separate me from the rest of my peers: Fencing. Fencing is not a sport that one can perform half-heartedly; it requires ones total and utmost commitment. Every day after school I had to practice drills and exercises to keep me at the top of my game. As a result of this commitment I had developed skills that took most fencers many years to learn, in two years. Spending twenty hours per week training did have its draw backs though, taking up time I could have spent studying. Due to this commitment my grades fell a little, but I decided that the value of decline and hard work could carry me further in life then grades alone.

After fencing for three years, I was at a point in my career where I was winning constantly and moving up the ladder. This all came to a stop though, in one split second. I was fencing my last match that day, and was doing very well, keeping the score in my favor. As I went for the winning lunge, my right foot stumbled and I came crashing to the ground. I was on the top of my game, performing at the best of my abilities at one moment and the next I was on the ground clutching my right knee as if it was shot. The lunge I took, hyper extended my knee and twisted it, causing my LCL to sprain. This mishap marked my end in sports, and put me on crutches for 2 months along with a lifetime of physical therapy.

This injury put my life in perspective, showing me how every action I make has consequences. One decision, one moment, could change my life forever. This is when I realized that there is more to life then chasing money and success, but instead developing a passion for knowledge. Fencing helped me learn about discipline, and the injury helped me learn about my passions. UT Austin is a school that meets my need for pursuing knowledge.

Undergraduate / Presence of my parents slowly lost definition; UT Austin Transfer;Issue of Importance [2]

Hey guys can you guys please edit my essay for UT Austin, I am trying to transfer there. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you very much :)

Essay 2: Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

I've been around my parents for over 17 years now, and just like the act of breathing, the presence of my parents has slowly lost definition. Busy with my own trivial concerns, by the time I'd approached high school, they had slipped past my senses completely. This was further augmented by the inescapable presence of technology that dominates our lives. What had promised to bring people closer together only serves as an excuse to further separate. Distracted endlessly by my iPhone, I find myself spending more time on it than I do with my family. This transition happened so frighteningly seamlessly, and I had not even noticed this until I'd undergone some serious reflection. I felt in a position of gross entitlement. They were my parents after all; they didn't deserve the way I had been treating them. I always thought they had been present only in the backdrop of my life. Only now in this period of self-reflection, had I begun to understand that they were not merely the backdrop, but rather the foundation itself.

As I'd gone away for college for the past four months, I have come to realize exactly how much I depended on them. They helped give my life direction and endowed me with great purpose. My father inspired me to take up Computer Engineering as a profession, and I've found a place in the world because of him. My mother taught me how to cook an immense variety of dishes, and I can thank her for teaching me to take care of myself. Whenever I had troubles with friends, personal problems, and teachers, my parents would crack the much needed joke or provide essential moral support. Through trouble and strife, my parents have shown unwavering dedication to my well-being, and it astounds me how I could possibly have taken them for granted.

I unfortunately did not perform splendidly in high school, regardless of the constant motivation from my parents. I'd taken their love for granted, but now I see this as my opportunity to repay them. I want to work hard and become a phenomenal computer engineer my father can proudly say is his son. I want to make a significant impact in the world so I can make me, my parents, and the people around me happy. The environment fostered at University of Texas at Austin will allow me to work to the best of my abilities and make sure I am successful in the future, so I can make my mark on the world.