Undergraduate / "That Flag Day"-Wisconsin Madison PS/ Enrich community [4]

Hi, I am a new member of EssayForum. I am not good at writing stories.
This is my first draft for Wisconsin Madison Personal Statement.
I am hoping for good suggestions. Pls feel free to do many correction. Thank you very much!!

The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

" We are going for a flat day this Saturday afternoon. Please be Chua Chu Gang at 1pm." Our form teacher, Mr Chia was telling us about the detail information about the Flag Day.

This is the 5th year after I came to Singapore. However, I still understand this small city well. The impression of Singapore remained as small, busy and indifferent. Singaporeans are rushing for everything. The speed of the elevator here is 2 times as that in China. There are elderlies selling tissue papers in MRT stations, working in 24/7 Mcdonald's, and no one shows compassion towards them while walking pass. "Flag Day is not likely to work." I told myself so.

On that day, we collected a donation box. We needed to raise fund for Thong Chai Medical Institution by asking donation from passerby. Although I did not have a positive attitude about this event, I still bravely greeted all almost every stranger walked across me, ask them for donations, since I want to try my best to help those needy people.

Even though many people suspected we may use their money for ulterior motives, after they knew we were secondary students and raising fund for Thong Chai Medical Institution, they all kindly donated to us. Just 3 hours, I collected more than 100 Singapore dollars from passerby. And my school in total collected more 5000 dollars for Thong Chai Medical Institution.

This activity not only corrected my biased opinion about Singaporeans, but also let me understand the power of making a difference in others' lives is the best gift that I could give to a community as well as the importance of trust and cooperation. Without the help of all my schoolmates, I will not be able to raise more much fund and helped so many people. From then on, I became more keen in contributing myself, either in academics or life. I am willing to use my ability to make a change in my community as well as in the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I will enrich the University of Wisconsin-Madison with my passion for serving, community involvement, my sense of cooperation.

Undergraduate / Public speaking; My academic goal-Wisconsin-Madison PS [3]

Hi! It's me again > <...I really need your help in my personal statement! Pls feel free to edit! It's very urgent!!! Thank You Very Much !

Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision.

Public speaking consistently ranks second in life's most stressful events, followed by divorce, bereavement and home foreclosure. Same as everyone else, I was afraid of speaking in front of the public too. Unfortunately in my Junior College Year 1, I had to take a subject named Project Work. In Project Work, we had to make a 5-minute oral presentation in front of our schoolmates as well as our school tutors.

Coming from China, I was not as good in English as my local friends. Despite the fact that I had taken English classes in China, oral presentation was still a tough task for me. In order to secure an "A" grade in my Project Work, I was focused and determined to strive to achieve excellence despite language difficulties. Providence does not let down a man who does his best. I achieved great results in my previous sections such as Preliminary Ideas, with the help of my other group mates.

Even I had worked so hard in Project Work, I still could not do my oral presentation well. I had written my scripts and memorized them, but my pronunciation was not clear enough due to nervousness for the tutor to catch what I was saying. I had sought help from my seniors. They advised me to practice in front of mirror everyday. I listened to their advice and did my preparation everyday.

Claudia 'Lady Bird' Johnson said, "The way to overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid." With so many practices, I was able to confidently explain the detail of our project. Although in the end I only score a "B" in Project Work due to the lack of answering technique,I still learn a lot from the Project Work.

First is the importance of cooperation. Without the help of my tutor, my group mates and my seniors, I would not even score a "B". Second is consistent hard work will eventually bring me to my designated goal. Last and most importantly, public speaking is no longer a nightmare for me.

I had achieved my academic goal in Project work. Now my ultimate goal is to be accepted by the University of Wisconsin-Madison.I will be able to pursue my academic goal because of its abundant resources and well developed learning environment. I also look forward to participate in various school activities and apply what I had learned from Project Work. I believe with my presence, University of Wisconsin-Madison will experience a big difference. I hope I will have the honor to join the University of Wisconsin-Madison and be part of the student body.