Bivek3
Aug 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] - Fatherhood implies environment provided by father to his children for their growth [8]
Hi valuable community, the essay below is from Cambridge IELTS Book 2 > Test 1 > Writing Task 2. Hoping for your precious suggestion regarding the essay that I've written. Could you please tell me how much marks should I get with this essay out of 9? Thank you.
"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Fatherhood implies the care given by father to his children and environment provided by father to his children for their growth. I fully agree to the given statement that fatherhood should also be emphasized as motherhood and women are also as responsible as male in bringing their children up.
In any society people often think that women give birth, takes care, nourish and teach different skills to children. Although this is very much true father is also equally responsible, father is mainly credited for earning money or getting food. Families with a good father do not generally have to worry about food, spending or good family environment. These are the reasons why I believe that fatherhood needs to be equally emphasized as motherhood.
Another important fact in most of our society that woman generally takes that decision about whether or not to have baby. This shows that women are also responsible for bringing up their children. From our childhood we have been observing that mother nourishes, cleans educates children which are responsible tasks. This example shows that mothers are also equally responsible to bringing up children.
Furthermore there are a lot of single parents these days in our society who need to play role of both father and mother to bring up the children which is very difficult job.
Finally I'd like to conclude by saying that although motherhood is widely considered in most of the societies fatherhood must also be emphasized because father creates good environment for their children to live a better life.
Hi valuable community, the essay below is from Cambridge IELTS Book 2 > Test 1 > Writing Task 2. Hoping for your precious suggestion regarding the essay that I've written. Could you please tell me how much marks should I get with this essay out of 9? Thank you.
"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Fatherhood implies the care given by father to his children and environment provided by father to his children for their growth. I fully agree to the given statement that fatherhood should also be emphasized as motherhood and women are also as responsible as male in bringing their children up.
In any society people often think that women give birth, takes care, nourish and teach different skills to children. Although this is very much true father is also equally responsible, father is mainly credited for earning money or getting food. Families with a good father do not generally have to worry about food, spending or good family environment. These are the reasons why I believe that fatherhood needs to be equally emphasized as motherhood.
Another important fact in most of our society that woman generally takes that decision about whether or not to have baby. This shows that women are also responsible for bringing up their children. From our childhood we have been observing that mother nourishes, cleans educates children which are responsible tasks. This example shows that mothers are also equally responsible to bringing up children.
Furthermore there are a lot of single parents these days in our society who need to play role of both father and mother to bring up the children which is very difficult job.
Finally I'd like to conclude by saying that although motherhood is widely considered in most of the societies fatherhood must also be emphasized because father creates good environment for their children to live a better life.
