Undergraduate / Amherst College Supplement Feedback: Stereotypes and a Black American Female [4]

I really want this to be perfect, as Amherst is my dream school. Thank you in advance! I appreciate this so much. I'm actually 95 words over the word count, so help me condense!

Prompt: "Stereotyped beliefs have the power to become self-fulfilling prophesies for behavior." Elizabeth Aries, Professor of Psychology, Amherst College. From her book Men and Women in Interaction, Reconsidering the Difference.

Essay: In all of my experiences, limited as they may be, I have been taught about my race and my gender. To society, both are seemingly disadvantages and hindrances to becoming successful. When people take a cursory look at me the first thing that stands out is "black". A closer look at features reveals "female". A look into my background reveals "poor". I was born into a household in Memphis, Tennessee with an unwed mother and an abusive father with a criminal record. By societal rules I should be victim of "the cycle". The stereotypes associated with my situation teach me that I am destined to be a domestic abuse victim, uneducated, and stuck right above the poverty line. As I have always been one of very few black students in my classes, I have heard comments questioning my validity or right to belong. According to stereotypes I should be an underachiever afraid of what is in the world because I have been wronged. Statistic after statistic has shown that I am not destined for greatness, which begs the question: what separates me from the statistics? Why is it that my motivation to succeed is strong enough to transcend the rut of stereotypes based upon racism and sexism? My own mother took to verbally berating habitually for "not being black enough". She felt that I had rejected my culture and "sold out" because I liked to listen to rock music and because my friends were not strictly black. In order to avoid the pain of the rejection it would have been facile to play the part---to betray myself in order to mold into the label others had set for me. Using Eleanor Roosevelt's famous "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent", stereotypes cannot dictate behavior without the individual resigning him or herself to a destructive fate. From this I have born a perspective that renders me vehemently opposed to allowing myself to become defined by stereotypes. I am determined to pursue my dreams regardless of pressure from any camp to act a different way. I, like former President Bush, am "the decider". If life is composed of self-fulfilling prophecies, mine definitely will not be determined by stereotypes. It will be determined by a will to distance myself from stereotypical stigma and come into my own skin on my own terms.

Undergraduate / I am still trying to figure out who I am; CENTRAL TO IDENTITY [2]

It feels like my essay just isn't that good. It feels bland and generic. Perhaps its the lack of passion? Please help me fix it!

Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Essay:Taking a step away from my responsibilities on a Tuesday to choose adjectives that describe why I would make a good addition to your campus of higher learning is an onerous task for me. In my humility it is difficult to put onto paper who I am in a fashion that would persuade an admissions officer to take a chance on me to attend your University--- a lifelong dream. For you see at age seventeen, I am still trying to figure out who I am. Do I begin by listing my likes and/or dislikes? Perhaps my uncertainty will lead me to a definition of self. I am passionate about many things, and I find it easy to talk about my beliefs, which developed from being taught at a young age that education and learning are two of the most important things in life.

Today, my thirst for knowledge and understanding extends farther than stiff books on history and arithmetic and geography. I believe that learning and experience work in tandem, which affects almost every aspect of my life; simply being is not satisfactory. This perspective, coupled with my curious nature, has produced a philosophy that guides me toward wholesome experiences. I attribute some of the development of my personal ideals to familial reinforcement. While this was a strong influence in and of itself, I would like to credit my love for the printed word to them as well. The wonderful thing about books is their availability, quantity, and vast array of subjects. Although books are just vessels that bring the world to my lap, albeit from the perspective of another individual, they provide an alternative way to learn, understand and experience.

Often overlooked in day to day life is the fact that learning does not have to be resigned to school. Everything and everyone around me present opportunities to learn and experience. There exist many alternative kinds of knowledge in the people I encounter, the places I travel, and my overall exposure to different things. My belief is in learning and experiencing the novelties that this life has to offer the masses. Some of my favorite things to learn about are different cultures and their ways of existing. My ultimate hope is that if everyone is educated in the ways of understanding people and things on a deeper level we will be able to work together to produce the idealistic state in which everyone is cooperative. Socrates once stated that, "the only good is knowledge, and the only evil is ignorance." I find this quote to be rather profound, and wholeheartedly believe in its meaning. Perhaps if everyone were to apply these words to their already existing principles, the world would benefit for the well-being of humanity.

The belief that I hold to be at the crux of my existence is one that suggests knowledge and understanding are the keys to everything, including the ever-fabled peaceful cohabitation of the people of the world. Conceivably, it may be that my belief delves deeper than just knowledge and understanding. Perhaps my belief on a larger scale resides in humanity itself. The seed for a quest for education and learning that was planted in me as a child has blossomed into a tree that will continue to grow and become heightened at your University. I want to change the world, and my college experience will equip me the the emotional and intellectual tools to do so.