Writing Feedback / Some teachers and parents suggest that rivalry between children should exist, while others don't [8]

HI everyone! Please grade my essay by your valuable suggestions.

Topic:Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some teachers and parents suggest that rivalry between children should exist, while others think that children should work together because it will help them in future. Before rendering my opinion, I think it is necessary to look at the arguments of both sides.

There is a widespread belief that competition will be more useful for children and has great advantages in modern society . For instance, since school years child realize how to survive in such competitive environment and become more independent, confident, flexible and find out how quickly get out of complex situation . What is more People who have such abilities, generally have lots of opportunities to gain competitive jobs or be leaders of the masses. But there is a darker side of this statement, that people, because of their individualism and self-centeredness can not work in collaboration with somebody or perform the duties which bosses required from them. Without such qualities they can not be successful in life and build their career.

On the other hand, people think that Children who taught to work in team are able to maintain good relations with others, access different points of view and present their opinions. Moreover, they have abilities such as solidarity , tenderness and appreciation as well, which become advantages when children will enter to the adult world. In addition, work in cooperation easier and expedient because people can review a variety of ideas and offers, which brings beneficial results. But cooperation sometimes leads to conflicts between people, if there disagree with each other or argued because they have different minds and views.

After analyzing both points of view, I came to the conclusion that cooperation and competition are two indissoluble things, but for children I convinced that team work is a healthier option.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing people... [3]

Hi everyone !
Please guys correct my essay and give your suggestions)
Essay topic:
More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing people populations. Would it be better to build houses in-existing towns and cities or to develop new towns in rural areas.

Today, our civilization faced with one of the main problems in the world - population explosion... Every year fertility rate increases and according to the information sources current world population is over than 7 billion people! To my way of thinking, governments should create new cities if they want be developed.

First of all, I want to give some reasons why we should not construct new buildings in existing cities. The main issue is that with a large population, people in cities will have a lot of problems in their daily life. In cities where a lot of houses consequently, lots of a horrible traffic congestions, no places where people can walk , everywhere queues, very contaminated environment and polluted air, as well. For instance, in China because of building more houses than required people faced with such problems. Moreover, such conditions affects to citizens health and on their behavior. They become more nervous, stressful and bad-tempered. Eventually, in such situations no one country will not develop in a positive way.

Although, I would like to mention some benefits of building new towns. Certainly, it may seems laborious process to create new cities, but then it will be more beneficial for country and for citizens than building houses in overcrowded cities. People will live in good conditions, because they will not have any discomfort or pressure from urban lifestyle. Furthermore, city dwellers will live in healthy surroundings and will not have stress-related illnesses, standard of living will considerably grow as well. So, I feel that creating new towns will lead to economic and high social developments.

In conclusion, there are a lot of advantages of building new towns in rural regions, so we should only hope that people, who migrate to new towns, will increase the scope of development.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The wealth gap between 1st world countries and 3rd world countries [4]

Hi everyone! I have some doubts about essay's structure... i think it is problem solution but i'm not sure. please help me...

The wealth gap between 1st world countries and 3rd world countries seems to be increasing. How can we reduce this gap? Do you think that developed countries

have a duty to assist developing countries in every way?

It has become apparent in recent years, that economic disparity between prosperous countries and the bottom layer of poor and overpopulated periphery significantly increases. The growth of globalization, careless attitude from wealthy countries, and many other reasons have led to the degradation of poor countries. It is my belief that the solutions for decreasing wealth gap are the responsibility of 1st world countries, because of historical causes. Therefore, I feel that developed countries should assist poorly developed states in all respects. (In this essay the arguments surrounding the problem of 3rd world countries will be examined.)-should I include or not?

First of all, rich countries should not forget about their aims, videlicet they should help developing countries unselfishly. That is do not demand and compel poor states to repay debts, because having a huge arrears will not improve their situation. However, such policy will lead to the decreasing economy of developed countries, but it will be hugely compensated by the benefits which 3rd world countries will receive.

Secondly, I think that developed countries should improve the education in poorly developed countries, that is provide a generous scholarships for tuition in western top universities. For instance, now the USA devotes a full grants for students from African countries, thus improve the economy and developing African countries.

I firmly believe that developed countries have an essential duty to help non-industrialized countries. Because now, countries which did not participate in Cold War on rush of armaments have an enormous difficulties with economy and standard of living. One can not but mention the fact that in Africa, for instance, the level of famine is the highest in the world. So, by this reasons wealthy countries should support poor states.

To sum up, I think that 1st world countries should assist and balance the situation in developing countries and only then they will live in a happier, healthier and rich society.