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Posts by savusavu
Name: Flora Wiek
Joined: Nov 9, 2013
Last Post: Jan 2, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  

Displayed posts: 11
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savusavu   
Nov 14, 2013
Undergraduate / Driving by streets ; Common App, A Background or Story so central to my Identity. [5]

I think it is a nice essay and I am not a native English-speaker as well so I know what you are going through. You do have a lot of errors in your essay. Is this really that central to your identity that you think your application would be complete without it? If yes, then elaborate on how it has changed you and why... what was so great about the new school? If you're certain that this is the essay you would like to submit then let me know, i will correct your grammar!
savusavu   
Nov 14, 2013
Undergraduate / "Pandora's Box" - Common App essay [5]

What was the prompt? It's not boring and easy to read but I don't understand what it has to do with the Pandora's box!? I don't really understand the last paragraph, it is somehow ambiguous. Overall, very nice and interesting.
savusavu   
Nov 14, 2013
Undergraduate / Hermit Crab - Common app; background or story that is so central to my identity [5]

Not an English native speaker, so excuse poor language structure and vocabulary.

Hermit Crab and Germany



At first glance, the beach seems dead. After staring at the same spot for a minute, you see how everything begins to move; all the rocks and shells that appeared so lifeless and cold are now running around in pure chaos. After another minute you realize that the beach is crowded of hermit crabs, carrying their shells of varying size, shape and color.

The concept of the hermit crabs changing their shells once their bodies became too big fascinated me. They actively choose and try them on before they finally settle in. But before they could do that and live another stage of their lives, they had to leave their old shell behind which had been their home, which they had carried around everywhere, where they had hid from dangers and felt perfectly content.

And this is exactly what I had to do when my family moved from urban Germany to the Fiji Islands - leave my old shell behind. I was 13 years old when we moved and 13 and a half when I realized that I would not get very far with my old shell - my German mindset. The next period of time was very tough as I had discarded my prior values and principles and had no new shell yet which would protect me from predations.

The first months went by quickly. I learned how to iron my grey uniform and plait my hair for school in the mornings. Then we would walk with the neighboring kids to school. The school was high up on a hill and I was always glad when I reached it without having sweat stains under my arms. Around me, I heard my peers speak English, Fijian and Hindustani and often a blend between those three. Of course, then I could not differentiate the three and was glad to learn any new words regardless of their origin.

Everyone knew that I was new. How could they not? I was white. The people called me "Kaivalagi" which meant "white person". My peers in school asked me for money because they associated my skin color with wealth. They stole my lunch and clothes, made fun of me for being skinny or my untidy hair. I could not understand the fright the pupils had for their teachers, men and God. I could not understand why the girls were not allowed to go anywhere after school and had to do chores for the rest of the days.

And just after I could slowly grasp shreds of the new languages, the fact that possessions have no value in Fiji, that the head is sacred in the Fijian culture and should not be touched, that nature is humanity's biggest resource, that "Kaivalagi" not actually means „white person" but "people that came from the sky", just then I realized that I had found my new shell.

From then on, I loved my new life. I acknowledged the paradise I now lived in, the palm trees, the juicy mangoes, the waterfalls, the marine life... I had made true friends and even though differences still draw thin lines between us, it is that difference that defines us. I can now walk barefoot in the jungles, can husk and scrape coconuts, catch, gut and scale my own fish, plait thatched roofs and pull root crops.

When I returned to Germany six years later, I met up with old friends and was astonished to see how little they had changed. I could relate to them but I could see how their surroundings owned them. I realized that it is a mutualistic relationship one has with one's environment and that I may wear many "shells" throughout my life but my "me" inside them will always be the same.
savusavu   
Nov 15, 2013
Undergraduate / Driving by streets ; Common App, A Background or Story so central to my Identity. [5]

Ok, yeah i really liked what you wrote above. As I am not an english native speaker I am afraid to correct your essay. Maybe ask someone else as well? I don't want you correcting mistakes and kaing new ones...

So, I think the beginning is nice and just change a few things like:

We got to school quiet fast

quite

Pushing through with parent to the school's yard, I was thinking about who would my new classmates of these people

new classmates of these people be.

wledge, who wanted been learned.

who wanted to learn

experience I got in this high school will be always with me.

the experience...

So please check with native speakers before you edit your essay...
Good luck. Where are you from?
savusavu   
Nov 15, 2013
Undergraduate / Hermit Crab - Common app; background or story that is so central to my identity [5]

Thanks a lot guys. I actually posted this essay in collegeconfidential as well and they basically ripped it apart saying that it sounds judgemental and the only good paragraph is no 5. I'm afraid that they are right and I think I am going to start anew. I guess the hermit crab thing just got in the way of my message! But thanks solo much for your advice. I am definitely going to consider your changes and yes Silentium you are right, i need to write more about how it changed me. Thanks to Dumi and Woodstock too!!
savusavu   
Nov 15, 2013
Undergraduate / Math Olympians are the Monster group of sporadic groups - Perfectly Content [7]

I liked your writing, it is interesting and humorous. But I didnt really get what your environment was, was it the competitons, your room or math itself? I'm sorry i am not a native english speaker so i found this slightly ambiguous.

You see, after the 2012 Mexican Mathematical Olympiad, the set of all x, such that x is a Gold medalist or belongs to the intersection of Silver medalists and Contestants that can still participate next year, are invited to four, ten-day long math sessions on different parts of the country.

I liked this. I love math too!
savusavu   
Nov 15, 2013
Undergraduate / I am perfectly content in the Movie Theater [6]

I loved it. Especially the beginning, i held my breath and your writing totally absorbed me. You come across as very passionate, good - hearted, interesting, down to earth person.

i would make the ending stronger though and make sure not to be redundant. I feel like I got to know u!!
Good luck
savusavu   
Nov 15, 2013
Undergraduate / 'three of them clogged' - MIT Essay - Challenge [3]

I agree with BilboLinda. I know that you probably have a tight word limit but try and include how u dealt with the situation and what you learned from it. Really touching though!!!
savusavu   
Nov 22, 2013
Undergraduate / Fiji has taught me; Educational Interruption Explanation - common app [2]

Fiji has taught me what a significant role family and culture plays in our lives and therefore I knew that after high school I needed to get back in touch with my family and culture in my home country - Germany. I had left Germany as a girl and returned as a woman.

I had not seen my family in six years and was always jealous of the big extended families they had in Fiji. Now it was my turn to be with my family. I went to a family reunion in Denmark and got to know the Scandinavian side of my family. I also got back in touch with my biological father, whom I had not seen in years.

I embraced every bit of culture I could. I traveled around Germany and central Europe and saw how culturally linked we all are. I enjoyed the ancient history, the churches, castles, museums, galleries, classical concerts and theatres.

I went to Universities, science labs and saw lectures to learn about the different fields of studies. I always wanted to study science and here I had the chance to see the various sciences applied and got to learn about the numerous professions. I sat for the SAT, TOEFL, ACT tests and got my Fiji exam certificate recognized in Germany.

I did some voluntary work at the migration service where I helped asylum seekers to integrate themselves in the new country. I also gave English lessons to some boys who had just arrived in Germany. For the Border Museum in our town I translated German texts for the new permanent exhibition into English and volunteered as a museums guard.

During the summer, I worked in a small café near the Baltic sea. The cultural experience was enhancing; I met so many Germans of all ages and backgrounds, and learned how they think and interact over serving them coffee and German cakes and pies.

Before I could move on to a different country, I needed closure with my own. Finding my roots again definitely gave me a great understanding on how the Western world works in contrast to the developing world. Having experienced both sides, I am now eager to pursue my education enthusiastically and try to combine the positive things from both worlds to make it one.
savusavu   
Dec 30, 2013
Undergraduate / Bates supplement - responsible stewardship of the wider world [2]

Prompt: In addition to the Common Application essay, please select one phrase from the Bates mission statement below and comment on how it inspires you and draws you to Bates. Please upload your 1-2 paragraph response below.

Since 1855, Bates College has been dedicated to the emancipating potential of the liberal arts. Bates educates the whole person through creative and rigorous scholarship in a collaborative residential community. With ardor and devotion - Amore ac Studio - we engage the transformative power of our differences, cultivating intellectual discovery and informed civic action. Preparing leaders sustained by a love of learning and a commitment to responsible stewardship of the wider world, Bates is a college for coming times.

My six years in Fiji, a so-called developing country, enriched me with an experience that I know I will never forget. Seeing how the culturally different people work in contrast to those in Germany, made me aware of the similarities of people themselves. Even though they eat, talk and resolve conflicts differently in Fiji, I realized that we all share our common human needs and wants, like affection, a better life, acceptance and knowledge. Seeing that and how we pursue these in different ways instilled a responsibility and awareness in me for the wider world.

Thus, the phrase "commitment to responsible stewardship of the wider world" from the mission statement inspires me as it is exactly what I try to express in my daily life. Not only do I now have my German values but also the Fijian ones and lessons I learned from my life there, always in the back of my head. I also chose to study in the United States not only because of Bates College's outstanding academic programs but also because I believe that spending four years in another part of the world would open my mind further and strengthen the global approach with which I try to live my life. The remarkable Off-Campus Study Programs offered at Bates College only further underlines the mission statement's phrase and shows that Bates College tries to put as much world in its students. I believe, with the education from Bates College I could make a greater impact on the world as I plan to improve the medical system in Fiji as well as create more environmental awareness in Germany. An education as advanced as the one I would receive from Bates College is my missing puzzle piece.
savusavu   
Jan 2, 2014
Undergraduate / Bates College : Supplementary Essay - "How this Statement inspires you." [7]

Thanks on reviewing my essay. I know I am too late now but as a German applicant (similar educational system in Germany) I totally understand where you're coming from. I like your essay and actually read it before I wrote mine. I like it. I think that we as internationals need to take risks sometimes. :)
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