Scholarship / "Me, Einstein, and Thinking" - NTU Scholarship Essay [5]

One thing most people do not enjoy is thinking hard, but I, in the other hand, like it very much. Whether it is a puzzle, mathematical problem, or even philosophical question, I always enjoy thinking. Whose fault is this? It is Einstein's. I was given his biography while I was in elementary school, and after that time, I started taking interest in science, dreaming that someday I will be agreat scientistknown like him.

Before I realized, I haved fallen in love with science, its question and also its mysteries. Remembering how Einstein reacted when he got magnetic compass, I really think he is amazing. When Einstein received a magnetic compass, he struggled understanding the movement of the needle., as For him, what mattered wasn't what happened , but why it happenedthe cause of that phenomenon . He made me feel that in science, it is not just about observing a phenomenon, but also understanding it completely.I immediately felt the same way towards such thinking process, which he did all his life. And again, before I realized,Before I knew it, I haved fallen deeper in my love for science. I tried to understand each formulas given in high school--- not only just how to apply them in awritten problems at school, but also about other aspects likeinreal world situations when you can't apply it and also its reason . There are still a lot of questions that I can't answer, but I always enjoy my thinking timepondering their solutions . It also made me realize that thinking and curiosity are what make us humans .

Here I am now, struggling to find a place that will fuel me to understand science even bettermy love for science . Not because of fame or because I feel that Einstein and myself are alike, but because I love thinking, understanding, and answering question.In the end, it's not about becoming famous or my connection with Einstein. It's because I'm a thinker, and science is the field that I find challenges and intrigues me the most.

You have to work on your grammar! You were missing a couple articles (a, an), improper pluralization, use of the second person, and so on.

I think that the fact that Einstein influenced you is a good start, but your essay leans toward the common side. You should talk about what Einstein has inspired you to do, not just how he changed the way you thought. I'm sure the other people applying for this scholarship are just as interested in their studies as you are. You need to show off what makes you unique in this essay.

Best of luck on your scholarship!!

Undergraduate / Why is BU a good fit? community with a rich mix of individuals [5]

You make some good points in the essay:
Use of resources, diversity, critical learning approaches, eager and engaged community.
Some tips:
The actual success of each individuals depends not on the prestige held by the university which they attend, but rather on how they utilize the available resources and their compatibility with the environment.

You don't need to mention the prestige thing. Prestige obviously shouldn't be the sole determinant of a college choice, but I feel like it is overly stigmatized. Mentioning it doesn't really do anything for you except for taking up space.

You should mention what BU has to offer from the get-go and elaborate after. Instead of saying, "I value x, y, and z, and I think BU is a good fit for me," say "BU offers these characteristics and programs, and because I value x, y, and z, I would love to attend BU next fall."

Also, mention specific programs of BU that interest you.

Best of luck!!

Writing Feedback / TEEN MIAMI; How extracurricular activities have influenced me [3]

Your grammar is pretty solid. You could tweak a few things here and there and make certain sentences more concise, but it's fine in this regard.

This sentence could be split up into two parts:
"Throughout the time that I dedicated to this project I had the opportunity to work hands on with the different departments of the museum and perform various tasks such as conducting oral histories and archival research, creating programs that cater to teenagers, and advertising the exhibit's opening."

Teen Miami served as a catalyst for my involvement in extracurricular activities, and so in 11th grade I sought [did you achieve both? If so, explicitly say that you became the president] out the position of historian for the Class of 2013 Student Council and in 12th grade the position of president of the National Art Honor Society.

I like the topics you mentioned. However, you should mention how you applied what you learned from Teen Miami. You could also incorporate an anecdote detailing your transition from someone who didn't value "communication and compromise" to a strong advocate for good group dynamics.

Your conclusion is on the weaker side. You can end with just the first sentence of the lat paragraph:
"With this in mind, as I enter a new epoch in my life -as a student in Maryland Institute College of Art--- [You want an em-dash (---) instead of a hyphen]I am eager to see what new opportunities will arise for me to be involved in programs and activities, and how I will improve from them."

If you want to include that last bit about that program, mention it with your student council paragraph.

This essay has good potential, you just need to add some flair to it! Good luck with your scholarship :-)