Undergraduate / "It immediately excites me..." Business Institutions Program - Why Northwestern? [3]

I like everything, but the last few lines.

"Life at Northwestern is full of collaboration and shared enthusiasm. I can organize an intramural basketball team, be a vocalist in Purple Haze or even plan for one of the largest student-run Dance Marathon. "

Unless you have basketball, orchestra, and dance in your application activities, I would not put these lines in. It sounds like you;re another kid who found this stuff in the back of a promotional catalog. Talk more about business. I would also switch the order of this essay by first telling Northwestern about your interests. They get kids all the time who tell them how great their school is. The best way to stand out is by telling them about your parents business, why you enjoy this field of study AND THEN elaborate on what Northwestern offers in terms of your goals.

Undergraduate / Penn's course catalog - Why Penn - My chance to research [2]

This essay sounds like you just looked up stuff in their catalogs. ANYONE can write about the colllege. You have to write about yourself first, and then show what the college has to offer. It may be better to exapnd off two things, possible your love for student orginizations and science (Why you like it, an event that triggered you to realize their lore) and then write what Penn has to offer.

Definitely revise this to secure the points above.

Also, you may want to touch up on your ending, it sounds very bland. Maybe short and sweet would be better?

Hoped I helped!

Undergraduate / Chinese exchange students - BARNARD SUPPLEMENTS [2]

About your "If I could meet any historical figure essay", The essay is very well done. The only issue I had with it was the "1907" refrence. I saw this as a way of priving that you know your stuff about this women or that you just looked it up an hour ago on wikipedia. i would instead change this to " How much women rights have advanced In the past 100 years" or "In the last century." Other than that, I loved it. I'm still going through the rest of your essays.

PS. Please take a look at my thread.