Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by enashley13
Name: Enjila Mishra
Joined: Jan 1, 2014
Last Post: Nov 16, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: Nepal

Displayed posts: 7
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
enashley13   
Jan 1, 2014
Undergraduate / Bates College : Supplementary Essay - "How this Statement inspires you." [7]

It seems as if you're criticizing you country's education. You want to show the admissions officer that you would be a great addition to the college. So, don't disparage your country's education but focus more on why you think you would be a perfect fit for Bates.
enashley13   
Jan 1, 2014
Undergraduate / My UChicago Essay: You are you and your beliefs [3]

I think you have written a good essay. I liked the second part where you gave an example about yourself but maybe you shouldn't write things like " proving people wrong was fun". It makes you seem pompous.
enashley13   
Oct 28, 2014
Undergraduate / GAP year essay for common app required explanation. Mount Holyoke College Applicant [6]

Please help me edit my gap year essay. Any suggestion or comment will be appreciated.

Ever since I can remember I have always been a student. I started school at 2 and a half years old and for fourteen more years, being a student was the only identity I had. So, after my high school was over, I had a difficult time trying to understand if my capabilities were limited to the four walls of the classroom. I had been involved in activities in my school, but these activities never gave me the option to explore all my interests and curiosities. I never knew where my true passion lied and I had no idea what subject I wanted to study. I decided to take a gap year to do some volunteering work and travel.

[...]
enashley13   
Oct 28, 2014
Undergraduate / "We are already here, living in the future." University of Michigan application essays [2]

I like both your essays. I think they are fairly adequate for supplements. However, for the first one maybe you would like to choose a topic that is less controversial. Even though the official meaning of geek is a computer enthusiast, it is still considered somewhat offensive. You could maybe use "Thinker" as your topic or something similar.

I am not a native English speaker, so I'm sorry I can't help find grammatical errors.

I'd really appreciate it if you would help me with my essay.
enashley13   
Oct 31, 2014
Undergraduate / GAP year essay for common app required explanation. Mount Holyoke College Applicant [6]

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I have edited this essay. Please take a look at it and provide further suggestions.

Ever since I can remember I have always been a student. I started school at 2 and a half years old and for fourteen more years, being a student was the only identity I had. So, when I finished high school, I had a difficult time trying to understand if my capabilities were limited to the walls of the classroom. I had been involved in activities in my school, but these activities never gave me the option to explore all my interests and curiosities. I never knew where my true passion lied and I had no idea what subject I wanted to study. I decided to take a gap year to do some volunteering work and travel.

I started my gap year by challenging what I feared most: death. I bungee jumped off a 160m high bridge. Gathering courage to free-fall from the high bridge has made me realize anything is possible if you have the desire and the will to do it. After that, I looked up some organizations I could work for. I volunteered to teach at a special school for differently abled children. Getting to work with children with special needs has taught me to be more patient and compassionate. Shortly after my time in the special school, I participated in the International Volunteer Exchange Program conducted by a local Eco- foundation. As part of the program, I, along with my school friends, worked with Swiss students to build a playground and a home for underprivileged orphaned children. This experience has changed my thoughts on how I perceived other cultures and has developed my teamwork skills.

I was making the most out of my gap year and I didn't want to stop there. I decided to volunteer as a teacher in the only free school in Nepal. This required me to go to remote areas of Nepal and teach English. This was an enlightening experience for me. I had never been out of the comforts of Kathmandu, so I was shocked to find out that life outside the capital was very different and difficult. Getting to stay in the village for six weeks helped me better understand the life that existed for people who lived there. I was appalled by the incapability of our ineffectual government. Due to lack of infrastructure, education and health facilities, it was very difficult for the people to even survive. I was inspired to contribute to improve the present condition in the rural areas myself. This whole experience has influenced my decision in selecting Economics and Political Science as subjects I want to study and in aspiring to be the person I one day, hope to be.

I have also been working for Volunteer Nepal for around five months now and this entire experience has helped me grow as an individual. I got to meet people from around the world, share stories and make countless memories. I have gotten to travel and I have learnt to be more responsible for my actions. Being a part of a multicultural community, where everyone respected each other's opinions and principles, has helped me gain a global perspective.

The past year and a half has changed my life beyond belief. Each experience has had a profound impact on me, whether it was digging the ground to make playground for children or teaching students under a classroom that had bamboo and hay for roof, and beautiful mountains for background. Had I started school straight after I finished high school, I would have never had these transcending experiences that shaped me into the person I am today. Getting to volunteer and travel inside my country has made me aware of the true Nepal that exists outside textbooks and travel brochures. And now it is very clear to me the subjects I want to study and the things I want to accomplish.
enashley13   
Nov 16, 2014
Undergraduate / "The Light Bulb that spoke volumes", Main common app essay Mount Holyoke, Kalamazoo applicant [2]

Please help me improve my essay, and I'll help you with yours. The deadline is in a few weeks. The essay prompt is: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

"This is a revolution and you're all a part of it", Manjil dai says with a smile. In his words, I can feel the intense ardor of a dreamer. He goes on about the plans he has for his school, the initiatives he has already taken and how he is working for a change in our country. I sit there on the bamboo chair, half listening to him half thinking about the small light bulb hanging from the tin roof over my head. I think about how it is casting more shadows than it is spreading light, just like the Nepalese government. I decide that it has been too long that the people have been living in the dark; it's time to change the light bulb.

I came to Maya Universe Academy, a free school in a rural part of Nepal, to volunteer as a teacher. My days were spent teaching vivacious village kids English and my evenings were spent having eclectic conversations with volunteers from around the world. These conversations would range from the Korean War to a Cambodian animal sacrificial ritual, or about something I would hear for the first time. On this particular Friday night, "Good Friday", as we called it, everyone had gathered around the table for a late dinner. The six kids who lived in the school were playing, and everyone else was busy in their own conversation. A group of English volunteers had arrived a few days back, and some of them were expressing their discontentment with the current state of the village. The main area of discussion was the lack of basic infrastructures. I sat there listening to a group of foreigners point out the flaws that existed in the beautiful village of Udhin Dhunga. I had myself experienced the inconveniences during my two weeks stay here. While sitting on the roof of the only operating bus in the village, I had to hold onto the cargoes to prevent myself from falling off the bus. I had to take showers in natural springs and walk for thirty minutes just to get to the closest shop. I realized how difficult it must be for people who reside in the village to carry on their daily activities without access to basic infrastructures. The village was lacking proper transport facilities, running water, electricity and health facilities. This beautiful place was located only around 100 kms away from the capital. However, it seemed to be light-years away. The village's stagnate development appalled me. I was aware Nepal was an underdeveloped country and even the capital had its flaws, but I had never imagined that the rural areas would be in fact so rustic.

I had been concerned about the government's ignorance towards the rural areas upon my arrival here, but with the ongoing activities in the school, I hadn't had time to actually think about it. But, with twenty strange faces pointing it all out on one hand and Manjil dai talking about how his school was working for the development of the village on the other, suddenly it was clear to me, at that moment, I knew. I was motivated to make a change.

It was like in the movies, when the person has an epiphany and suddenly realizes the meaning of their existence. As cliché as it may sound, I had discovered what I wanted to do, and who I wanted to be. When I was listening to Manjil dai's motivational speech, and watching the flickering light bulb, I realized that I wanted to work to develop the situation that existed not only in Udhin Dhunga but also in every other ignored places in Nepal.

At the age of sixteen, this entire experience had added another personality to my existing identity: a personality that wanted to make a change and affect lives of other people, for the better.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳