Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1- summarize charts information budget allocation [4]

It is quite a challenge for most of us when it comes to control your budget allocation especially for households with middle incomes. The spending trend itself had considerably changed throughout 2010 to 2012.

As seen on the charts above, housing can be considered had some significant changes. An increase of 15% compare to 2010 budget's data, making it the largest budget in all 4 categories.

Another increase in spending as we have seen on the charts is food/clothes category. While the data showed on 2010 chart is 25%, in 2012, its put forward that people had spent 10% more, turning the category into the second largest allocation.

As two categories increased, there're also some of them had decreased tremendously. One of which is the category with vacation or leisure purpose. It clearly presents that the category had suffered a decline of 15% since it was 25% in 2010 and 10% in 2012. Misc category is also not an exception when it had went from 15% in 2010 to 5% in 2012.

In conclusion the charts put forward a few growth of spending in such category like housing, food, clothes while other categories which serve for leisure and other purposes had decreased substantially.

this is my very first ielts writing, i hope you guys would help me

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money... [3]

A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It's such a common definition of a successful person is one who has earned a lot of money, especially in nowadays society. Each individual visualize success differently. Still, my term of a successful man is one who has certain achievements in life rather than the one with a high income.

Money is undeniably pivotal, but ways of earning it is also various. A person's great prosperity does not state that he has gained it ethically by himself. Nevertheless, a man can only achieve his accomplishment through hard-working, dedication and passion. Whether it is a personal or a social achievement, that man is laudable.

More importantly, the more beneficial for the society his achievement is, the more successful he is considered. For instance, Thomas Edison is undeniably considered as one of the greatest inventors in the 20th century since his invention's productivity is countless useful for mankind. On the other hand, the fact of knowing a man's utilization of his money remains in the dark. Therefore, judging a person by his income is difficult, especially in the success aspect.

In conclusion, using only money as a scale to measure a man's success is impossible despite the fact that it is the essential in basic needs. Yet, it is the common scene that a man can be publicly considered successful when his achievements, which can only accomplished by passion, dedication and ethics, are helpful not only for himself.

can you guys help me correct this essay,
don't be hesitated to comment even if you don't know if you're right or not.