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Posts by as14
Name: Asawari Sathe
Joined: May 1, 2014
Last Post: May 4, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: India

Displayed posts: 5
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as14   
May 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / Cities are the Ideal place to study Societies [8]

To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

I agree with the statement that Major Cities present the true characteristics of a society
In today's era when most job opportunities have shifted to the Urban areas immigration from rural areas to the major cities is inevitable. This has resulted in the mixing of people from diverse cultural, religious and socio-economic backgrounds. This form of cosmopolitan society can only be seen in major cities. The difference be ethnic, religious or social is more evident in such close quarters.

Also today's major cities are actually old cities expanding over the years to accommodate the ever increasing population. Thus in these cities we can see both historical ruins and towering skyscrapers. This amalgamation of old and new is a unique quality of cities. Like the buildings even the society is a mix of old inhabitants and new immigrants. The ever changing populace presents an interesting study of societal behaviour.

Cities are the hub of all economic activities. The cycle of economic boom and bust can be witnessed in the cities clearly. Unemployment or affluence the cities are the first to react to any economic event. Also political movements have generally taken root from metros of the world and then spread to the suburbs.

In all spheres which affect societies the city has a major role and we can see that the specific features of a populace can be witnessed by observing it.

Please provide suggestions to improve this essay further. This is one of the essay topics from the GRE issue topic pool.
as14   
May 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Capital Punishment - is beneficial to penalize the recidivist [5]

Hi, Please find below my comments on reading your essay:-

1. Please state names only when you are extremely sure (Saddam Hussein was the 5th President of Iraq and has no connection to libya)
2. Present views either for or against the statement. While the first para is for Capital Punishment the second views human life as a gift from god and hence above human judgement. Giving both the sides of the coin leaves the reader feeling that you are not sure of your opinion on the issue.

3. The use of some words needs to be checked- Capitalization (means the cost to acquire an asset) Criminalization (is the process by which an individual is transformed into a criminal)

Hope the above helps you out...
as14   
May 2, 2014
Writing Feedback / Cities are the Ideal place to study Societies [8]

What i have gathered from the comments provided is:-
1. Introduction needs to be informative a sort of summary of what is to come and should start with a catchy phrase
2. The body must contain supporting facts or anecdotes
3. The start of a new argument( a new para) should be clearly visible

Than you everyone for your inputs will surely try and apply them in the next essay i post.
as14   
May 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / Borrowing money and returning it will help to keep friends together. [3]

Hi please find below my comments on the essay-

1. Avoid starting sentence with For it might be considered grammatically wrong.
2. The second and third para echo the same thing-" I am sure that she will be there for me if I need help" and "when friends lend and borrow money from each other it means that they trust each other"

3. You could compare on how helping in cash is different than helping in kind. Helping in cash puts a fixed quantum on the help(which needs to be re-payed,it is seen as credit) while in kind (babysitting, driving someone to work etc.) is different and viewed more as help.

Hope the points are useful.
as14   
May 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / A Uniform Curriculum Nationwide [2]

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

What separates humans from animals is the distinct ability to pass on generations of knowledge to the next generation. The important process through which this is done is the education system. Right from learning to communicate, to articulate thoughts, to experiment everything is taught in schools. The authors point of view that a nation should standardize this process of knowledge sharing can in many ways prove harmful to our future generation.

Firstly standardization of curriculum would require states to include either irrelevant topics to their teaching or to exclude issues important to them. Any standardization would mostly be done on the majority requirement basis and not on the specific requirements of the students belonging to an area. In many poor countries the curriculum is widely different in the urban and rural areas and this is for reason. Students in the urban area are well to do and can afford going to college, they therefore are taught as per the requirements of an college for e.g. calculus, advanced physics etc. But the rural student's requirement from a school is different. They would rather learn and along with that learn skills like wielding, carpentering etc. Such skills would provide them an income and vocation if needed.

Secondly such standardization would leave no space for creative teaching. The focus will be on completing the set curriculum rather than going at a pace which suits the needs of the class. Also there would be no freedom for students to take up advanced studies in subjects they are more gifted with or to substitute subjects they find difficult with something more suited to their caliber. Educating is not merely passing on a set of facts to individuals, and the belief that if this process was standardized it would lead to better students is a fallacy.

Thirdly like the principle of demand and supply it is best to let the students decide on what their education should be like. If parents feel that their child shows a talent in sports they would want to enroll the child in a school which is not too rigorous on studies but focuses more on sports. Alternatively a child with potential in science the parents could opt for a school which gives importance to sciences and provides better exposure in that field.

In sum, to put a set a curriculum nationally amounts to an almost dictator like stance on education. While the notion behind it is to enforce the principle of equality for all, like no two peas in a pod are same, no two humans are the same. We all have different skills, abilities and brains. In order to utilize these qualities unique to each of us we would require unique curriculum. Though in the current scenario it is not possible the least we can do is to ensure that the authors dream of a national curriculum is not fulfilled.
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