Writing Feedback / Yet another CBEST Essay - an unforgettable person you have encountered in life [4]

I have failed the CBEST writing test twice and I not sure exactly why. Here is an essay that I wrote in 45 minutes using Word but with no spell or grammar checker.

Thanks for you help!

Roland

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Write about an unforgettable person whom you have encountered in your life. What made him or her special? How did their life impact yours in a positive or negative way?

Mike Parsons was writing on the black borad clearly but very fast. The preliminary design of a new ship sprang to life on the board. Clearly, brilliantly he progress through each technical step of a preliminay design, with each step followed one after the other like soldiers marching in rows. Hydodynamics, propulsion, and ship size all were defined from his strings of calculations. These calculatons had defined a ship, a real ship that could travel around the world's oceans carring products that people wanted. I was inspired, this is want I want to be able to do, this was a career for me.

As a new engineer in the Department of Naval Architecture the man at the borad, who was head of the department of Naval Architiure, made a very postive and direct impact on my career decision. Dr Parsons was major factor in me making up my mind to become a professinal career Naval Architect. How did he do this you ask? There are three reasons, his extensive knowledge of the subject, his great teaching skills and his energy.

Dr Parsons was clearly brilliant and had worked for the Navy designing ships for years. His real life experence had make his personnel knowledge base extensive. He could easly teach you about academic aspects of a design and in the next minute he could take about operational issues a ship might experence at sea. He would be able to discuss computer programs that helped with design calculations for ship shape and speed, in the next breath he could tell you how to clean soot off old boiler pipes at sea.

As a teacher Dr Parsons was excellent because he was very interesting, provided clear directions on how to do things and he made complex topic simple to understand. He gave out extensive notesbooks that contained writings that were taken from an number of books, plus his own writings to help student to understand material. The notebooks were designed to teach you exactly what you need to know, in a simple straight forward way without any additional and confusing information. His students in industry still use this notes since they are so helpful.

One could discribe him as an energy machine. He bubbled over in class with excitement and interest even when he was teaching stubject he has gone over for years. If you had a question he would always be ready to help you paciently teaching you what you didn't understand. His energy was infectious to all his students. We happly worked on big design projects for the class despite the evenings and weekends it took to complete them. He energy made people want to study and keep them excited about the class.

As a teacher Dr. Parsons was brillant person, a great teacher and engeryizing for students. He was a major reason that I become a professional naval architect. After taking his class I felt that I was knowledgeable enough to go out into the world and be a naval artitect. That felt that I had the skills and experence to work for a company and do well. I had well founded confidence based on this older students who were all doing well out in industry that I was ready for industry. As final proof of his impact on me, I am writing about him 30 years later.

Writing Feedback / CBEST Essay using technology prompt [8]

I borrowed this topic from an earlier CBEST prompt. I am interested in comments especially related to the two items below.

IV. Usage: the extent to which the writing shows care and precision in word choice

V. Structure and Conventions: the extent to which the writing is free of errors in syntax, paragraph structure, sentence structure, and mechanics (e.g., spelling, punctuation, and capitalization)

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Technology

Topic: Technology is very much a part of modern life. Many people see technology as a force that has escaped from human control. Others feel that technology has improved the quality of life. Do you think that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive or negative? State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples.

Technology has been a decisive fact in making modern life a decisively improved over the earlier less technological eras. Mankind is far healthier and happier than mankind has been at any other point in history. The combination of advances in technology over the last hundred years has allowed man to be increasingly improve humans quality of life. There are three major areas where technology has improved modern life; medical care, transportation systems and the human diet.

Medical advancements have allowed humans to live longer and healthier than ever before. Technological advances in drugs, artificial body parts and medical operations have lead to better health. It is now routine to get a heart replacement; with 30,000 people do so every year which was an unimaginable in the past. There are over 5,000 drugs available to the medical community with the 20 most widely employed drugs were not even available 10 years ago. Thousands of people have artificial arms, legs, hearts, and knees which allow them to live a near normal life. The human life span has jumped form only 30 years to over 70 years since the 1700's.

Modern transportation systems provide for easy movement of people and cargo to different locations around the world. World trade can flourish because goods can move rapidly and inexpensively any where they are required. During the winter in North American fruits can be imported from summer crops in South America. Low cost products can move from China to the US, while high tech products from the US are sold to Europe. People can travel a round the world for business or pleasure in a way that was never possible before. A trip across the US from the east coast to California in 1849 took about three months by sea and about 5 months by land. It was a long, difficult and dangerous trip. The same trip now only takes about 6 hours all while sitting in the comfort of sleek airliner.

The human diet has improved in both quantity and quality to unprecedented levels due to the advances in technology. Recent genetic engineering has created new plants that are highly resistant to bugs, less affected by cold weather and product larger harvests. Organic and inorganic chemicals provide farmers with the capability to raise more crops per year with greater nutritional value than old farming methods did. Other chemicals prevent the soil from being depleted so it is now longer of any product production value. This was a common condition that limited food production in the past where over farming was typical.

Modern technology is a major contributor in improving the quality of human's lives over past times in history. Medical advances allow humans to live longer and more healthy lives than ever before. Transportation systems move people around the world high rates of speed and at prices that most can afford. Humans have never eaten so well or had so much as they do today. Technology has improved the lot of humans to a level undreamed of in past ages.

Writing Feedback / Your decision to enter the education field - CBEST Essay pratice [10]

I was getting bored with all the serious essay so I tried to write a funny one to amuse myself.

Roland

What particular experience had the greatest impact on your decision to enter the education field? Explain why that particular experience was so important.

I was working in a bakery making donut holes but I always wanted to be a teacher. A teacher of intelligent children. One single event galvanizing me to make the decision run off to be a teacher.

I have four children who I have been helping them do their homework since they started school. Helping my children with school work which was extremely difficult and trying experience. As an example my youngest daughter, who is a complete ninny and yahoo, took months to even learn her ABCs and she was in seventh grade. I had to help that blockhead do all her home work no matter how simple the assignment. What can I say, besides being ugly, she is about as smart as a brick. A real dim wit! My son is even more stupid, which is really hard to imagine. It took me weeks just to train him to shut the front door during the winter, even though he was in eighth grade. I longed for severely to mildly retarded children who would be much more capable learners than my children. I dreamed of children who had enough brains to could walk and talk at the same time.

One day in June everything changed for me. I got the chance to help normal children learn mathematics. This turned out to be the milestone in my decision to become a teacher. I was amazed at how fast normal children could learn. You could explain a new a topic, show them one example and they understood, the first time. That was the day I realized that I wanted to work with children where were normal, and not block heads, yahoos and absolute dim wits like my children.

I wanted to be a teacher of intelligent, nice children. It was extremely invigorating because the children had so much potential. I wanted better student than my worthless, no good children were and now I had found them. The very next day I ran away from home to be a teacher, someplace far away.