Undergraduate / Change for the better - melting pot adventure [7]


hi thank you for the feedback, I did some changes and took some of your ideas can you tell me what you think.

Scholarship / Change the perception that students with family troubles are weak, pitiful, and unlikely successful [2]

"But that's just using your parents for college! It's not fair." That was my friend's response to my college counselor's story about a student who had chosen to write about the death of his mother. Little did she know, the cheerful girl she sat next to everyday in Global History struggled with family problems: a sick parent, a financially unstable family, and the possibility of becoming homeless. (parallelism?) In my competitive high school where even a GPA difference of 0.1 mattered greatly, I tried to camouflage among my middle-class peers by hiding my dark secret in Pandora's Box. (rephrase or ok?) While applying for the Questbridge Scholarship, I met others like me who are dealing with family problems whether it be (such as?) a divorce, the death of a family member or drug abusive parents. If there was one thing I could change in my community, it would be the attitude towards students who have struggling family problems; I would create a support foundation (network?) where students can meet other students , share struggles without considering social boundaries, support and encourage one another.(each other?) It is the support system I often wished for but never had.

you really need to go and revisit this paragraph you should not start an essay with a quote and without any sort of background first. from point on is not wise to keep reeding if you really don't have any sort of ground base.

hope this helps!!!

Scholarship / Immigration has a cost----Questbridge Essay [5]

you might want to write a brief intro about what made you take such big decision, choosing American over India

Undergraduate / Change for the better - melting pot adventure [7]

thank you for correcting my mistakes it really helps me a lot. I hope u like it, and please let me know if you find any other error

For seventeen years of my life, I have been living and learning in a multicultural environment.
At the age of ten my parents made the big decision that I would go live with my father and my stepmother. I left my home country of Venezuela and came to the United States where I hoped to experience a better life and expand my knowledge. I experienced the "melting pot" both at school and within my community as I began to speak both English and Venezuelan. Having to leave my country and my culture was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but it has definitely changed me for the better.

Adjusting to life in the big city was a huge change. With my father constantly working and a sickly stepmother to care for, I had to learn to grow up fast in a strange, new world. I discovered of getting around by myself. So I developed patience for many things such as other people and developed a sense of self-reliance. I learned how to take public transportation and slowly began to learn the language. Sure I made mistakes, but every mistake I made was part of what I now believe to be character building exercises for me since I learned something new from each failure or mistake

I was given the privilege of sharing my immigrant story with Venezuelan students during one of my visits to the country. I shared my story of integration and the changes for the better that occurred as I became a part of American society. I was concerned about how the audience would react. Would they think I was a haughty and snobbish? Regardless of my concerns, I walked onto the stage and told them the story of how integrating to a new culture made a better person of me. As I watched their faces react to my story. I realized that I was not totally American nor was I still entirely a Venezuelan. But rather a person who managed to combine both cultures and creates a unique individual who could evolve as a person and an intellectual in any had given setting. The "melting pot" culture had successfully transformed me without my noticing it.

Now im a person capable of using the skills I have learned from all my past life stages. I have perfected my adult self to a great extent. I am looking forward to further advancing myself and taking advantage of the "melting pot" culture as I venture into my college studies.

Undergraduate / WHY MADISON? It would find me a great gain to part of their community [5]

can u please tell me what you mean by "Explain what you have to come to understand about their closely knit student campus and how you feel that exposure to both the academic and social aspects of Madison will help you learn more in a balanced environment that offers equal priority to the academic and social development of its students."

as for the essay this is what I have so far

I first heard of Madison University when I was doing a research paper about Harry Frederick Harlow and his famous experiments on rhesus monkeys. Harlow was the first director of the Wisconsin Primate Research Center at the University. His famous work led to the university to be very prestigious. When I concluded my research I immediately felt a desire to know more about the institution. I believe I can be a great asset to UW-Madison and bring upon more prestigious and new leading research to the university.

Friends, who previously visit the institution, describe it with as a great environment, with positive and friendly people. It was not enough for me, I wanted to experience UW-Madison myself and what it has to offer. I attended the tour, when I arrive to the school I was impressed it was then I knew Madison was the school for me.

If accepted I would like to study chemistry and neuroscience since, my research of Harlow have intrigue me to know more about the brain.
In terms of research opportunity I would definitely take advantage of exploring and understanding the brain. Since im incline to explores and develop ways to transfer ones identity to a computer, by recording patterns of electrical signals. This is why I believe Madison is the best institution for me since their research facility is recognizing as one of the best worldwide, and have teachers that could be great mentors such as Mathew Jones that study the Mechanisms of inhibitory synaptic transmission.

In high school I had the chance to be in the swimming team though I didn't make big I love every aspect of water. So as for extracurricular activities I would love to join the swimming club where I could be part of something greater than myself, a team.

I think Madison would find me a great gain to part of their community where not only I could learn from the best but also see what I give to the school.

Undergraduate / "Culumbia is the place for me" [3]

Explain what you have to come to understand about their closely knit student campus and how you feel that exposure to both the academic and social aspects of Madison will help you learn more in a balanced environment that offers equal priority to the academic and social development of its students