Posts by kjudge15

kjudge15

Oct 17, 2014

Undergraduate / 'Super Mario and neuroscience' - UVA Supplement essay for College of Arts and Science! [7]

The content is unique and I enjoyed how you linked a video game to neuroscience. Just a few grammar corrections to help it flow: Instead of saying "For the first time, I felt how it is like to be in love." I would say "For the first time, I knew what love felt like." Things like that really make a difference. Also, double check to make sure verb tense matches. Just something I saw about structure as well: Your first paragraph talks about how you fell in love with neuroscience and felt very personal but the second paragraph read almost like a research paper or analysis. Both paragraphs are great but I would recommend maybe adding another sentence of two at the end of the first paragraph to link them more smoothly.

kjudge15

Oct 18, 2014

Undergraduate / 'inspiring chat with a Syracuse Admissions Officer' - What influenced you to apply? [4]

Hi! I would appreciate any corrections and criticism you have! Thank you in advance!

Prompt: Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

I became interested in Syracuse University after an inspiring chat with a Syracuse Admissions Officer. Her passion for SU was infectious and as I took a closer look at the school, it became more apparent that SU is a great fit for what I am looking to major in. Located in the heart of beautiful New York, Syracuse would be a great change of pace from busy Los Angeles.

I know I can offer Syracuse passion, leadership, and amazing homemade brownies. I am looking to enhance not only my college experience, but the experience of students around me, and I know the community at Syracuse can allow me to do that.

As the Editor-in-Chief of my high school paper, I learned at length about writing a newspaper and I am certain that SU can foster my desire to take those skills to the television. The S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications is of the nation's paramount schools of mass communication and has an especially remarkable journalism department. After learning that SU professors have reported and anchored the news and have corresponded from around the world, I know the possibilities of success are infinite at Syracuse. Broadcast journalism is a medium that I am thrilled to explore and I am eager to be involved with a cutting-edge program like that offered at Syracuse University.

kjudge15

Oct 19, 2014

Undergraduate / 'inspiring chat with a Syracuse Admissions Officer' - What influenced you to apply? [4]

Thank you so much! I made those changes and my essay is way stronger!

Broadcast journalism is a medium that I am thrilled to explore and I am eager to be involved with a cutting-edge program like that offered at Syracuse University. The S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications is of the nation's paramount schools of mass communication and has an especially remarkable journalism department. As the Editor-in-Chief of my high school paper, a staff writer for my school's website, MyLouisville, and the editor of my school's recruiting magazine, LG Girl Magazine, I learned at length about both print and online journalism and I know SU can foster my desire to take those skills to the television.

Located in the heart of beautiful New York, Syracuse would be a great change of pace from busy Los Angeles. While it has the offerings of a large metropolitan area, the town of Syracuse remains a textbook college town with a rich cultural history.

I know I can offer Syracuse passion, leadership, and amazing homemade brownies. I am looking to enhance not only my college experience, but the experience of students around me, and I know the community at Syracuse can allow me to do that. Through SU Abroad I can further develop my leadership skills and make the world my classroom. Whether it is in Santiago, Chile or Wroclaw, Poland, the possibilities of success at Syracuse are infinite