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Posts by nik18
Name: Nikita Schroll
Joined: Nov 2, 2014
Last Post: Nov 3, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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nik18   
Nov 2, 2014
Undergraduate / My heart was thumping as the plane hurtled down the runway, on the way to Europe [2]

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
I still remember the day my heart was thumping as the plane hurtled down the runway, on the way to Europe. I was eight years old when my parents sent me on my first flight alone. In the moment I was terrified, I was about to be away from my parents for a whole month in a foreign country. While it was scary at first, I learned a lot of valuable lessons from the experience that have helped me become the young, confident adult I am today.

While I was escorted to the gate by flight attendants, I started to feel nervous since it was the first time that I would be away from my parents for an extended period of time. As soon as the plane was racing down the runway, I realized there was no turning back. Traveling by myself gave me a sense of being independent. This trip taught me to never be scared of the unknown because good things can come out of them. It also made me more comfortable doing stuff on my own as an individual. Even though this was only one event, it was a turning point in my life; from this point on I was given even more responsibility from my parents. That responsibility helped me learn from my mistakes; it also helped me become confident in who I am today.

This experience I have been given taught me to never miss out on opportunities just because I am scared or nervous, because sometimes things really are only a once in a lifetime opportunity. Since then I have been more open to trying and experiencing things I would otherwise be too scared to do, like jumping off a thirty foot cliff into fresh water in Cuba. I have fully taken advantage of opportunities not just things that are fun, but academic opportunities as well. For example, I have taken almost every science class that my school offers. While some of these classes have been challenging it has given me the opportunity to learn how to keep on going when the going gets tough.

My family, and my mom especially have always had high expectations for me. She was never scared to give me more freedom than most kids my age because she believed that I would be able to handle it. I realized with that all the freedoms that I was given there was also responsibility and that I would have to be able to accept the consequences from my choices. Even though my mom trusted me with a lot of responsibility, I still made mistakes, but the most important thing was that I always learned from my mistakes.

All the responsibility my parents have slowly been giving me over the years has prepared me for the future when I am off living on my own. The time when I flew by myself was the turning point in my life when I started to become an individual. One of the biggest lessons I take from this experience is "Carpe Diem," seize the day. To me this means to take every opportunity I am given and live in the moment because nothing in life is guaranteed, except death.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated the word limit is 650 I am at 562
nik18   
Nov 2, 2014
Writing Feedback / It is interesting to point out that the number of people buying books in Germany consistently rose [2]

First sentence is a little lengthy. Try condensing it to.
It can clearly be concluded that the population of Germany, with 95 million books, compared to Italy, with 60 million books, spends more money on average on reading material.

Also watch the verb tenses in your sentences because you switch from past to present for example your 2nd sentence should be drew not draw.

2nd to last paragraph the last sentence should be Also, the amount of books sold in Austria...

maybe add possible reasons why it rose in Germany around the time periods based on possible history events. Would add more depth and understanding to the reader.
nik18   
Nov 3, 2014
Undergraduate / Biology fascinated me, chemistry interested me and physics made me wonder. [3]

making a change for good in the medical sciences, no matter how insignificant.saying insignificant takes away from the meaning of helping people and changing their lives.

Every human being on this planet would do whatever they can do alleviate such problems in this world but I feel that firsthand experience or observation really open up someone's eyes, such as mine.Sentence sounds a little awkward consider revising it maybe ...I feel that firsthand experience or observation could really open up...

Maybe describe more of the impact of your fathers disease on you how it made you feel and how you overcame it and had it inspire you. You can add a lot of imagery and emotional value into that part of your essay. Also, what was the turning point that made you decide that you wanted to improve conditions of those suffering. Maybe add what it is in each science that particularly interest you. Why is it you want to help people? Emotional, Money, Religion?
nik18   
Nov 3, 2014
Undergraduate / What single activity listed in the activity section of Application are you most proud of why? [3]

Out of all the activities listed, I have enjoyed Future Educators of America the most. FEA, is a club that goes to elementary schools where each member is mentored by a teacher. Although I never plan on going into education, this club has taught me how valuable teachers are to the growth of kids. This experience has also taught me how to teach people which has helped me in other aspects of my life, such as, tutoring people in my own school with chemistry and physics.I am glad I ended up joining this club, else I would of never been able to witness the impact you can have on kids and the rewarding sense that comes along with it. By expanding my horizons, I have been able to gain knowledge about teaching I otherwise would not have acquired.
nik18   
Nov 3, 2014
Scholarship / I wanted to stand as the pinnacle of hope for my underprivilege community, a role model to others [7]

Fourteen years ago, when myforgot word Im guessing it was dad or father? lose(lost) watch verb tenses his job and my mother was unemployed then . Things were so difficult that my mother had to ventured into sellsselling plucked mangoes on the street of Lagos, combingcombining working as a domestic worker in wealthy people's home. My father who doesn't have a degree to search for job, joined a group of market workers just to make ends meet. Then my siblings and I, had no hope of acquiring a formal education so we were homeschooled until we had an opportunity to enroll in a free public school where I completed my elementary and secondary education.

Despite my financial burdens, I took education as my priority asEducation was a priority for me my parents let me believe that I can unlock a better future through education. My commitment to studies led me to discovering my true potential and passionate field of interest to become a certified engineerpassion in the field of engineering . During my high school studies, I have led the JET(Junior Engineer and Technician) group to winning various competitions and I have also participated in National Olympiad Mathematics competition NMC Abuja, Cowbell Mathematics competition and various inter-schools science competitions. All these extracurricular activities and orientations have pioneered my efforts towards becoming a responsible and successful engineer.

Being an engineer, on professional and academic level, I hope to be able to put theory into practice by developing novel structures and equipment that will alleviate poverty in my community and improve the standards of living. Becoming an engineer will fulfill my aspiration and bring about the desired changes I have been craving for, to my community, country and Africa as a whole. Studying at X university will allow me to gain the required competence, develop my intellectual capacities and interpersonal skills in order to satisfy my goals.

I really like the idea and message your essay shows. Read your essay out loud though it might help you realize how some sentences sound awkward. Overall really good ideas and thoughts! Just proof read and clean it up a little bit. Also remember to watch your verb tenses as it changes a couple times in the essay when it shouldn't.
nik18   
Nov 3, 2014
Undergraduate / Failure is one thing I can not live without, I do not fear failure, I welcome it [2]

Failure is one thing I can not live without, I do not fear failure, I welcome it. To me failure means that I have found something challenging that I have not yet mastered. In order to succeed you must experience failure first. There are numerous occasions where I have experienced failure but instead of giving up, I learned from feedback and prospered. "If you have no critics you'll likely have no success." This quote is from Malcom X, a famous human rights activist. Malcom's quote is inspirational to me because, I believe it is with criticism that I prosper. Failure is what drives me to do better, but I thrive on criticism because it tells me what I need to improve and work on. Whenever I do not master a subject or a skill, I get this extra drive to do better and perfect it, until I ultimately accomplish it.

Last year, I decided to take AP chemistry, one of the more rigorous courses my school offers. Since I did well in regular chemistry the year before I thought it would be straightforward, but I was wrong. AP chemistry was a like going from algebra one to calculus. Normally, I am used to getting A's and the sporadic B on a test, but when I got the third test in AP chemistry back it was a slap in the face. I got a D, the anger and humiliation I felt in that moment was immense. I was furious with myself for getting such an awful grade. All I could think was what would my parents say about this?

I took home my test and explained it to my parents, surprisingly my mom was not upset at all. She told me that if I wanted the better grade I would have to work harder that instead of just doing the assigned work I would have to go the extra mile. So that is when I started reading the text book, making outlines, and watching AP chemistry lectures online. Every test I got back, I would go back and correct the answers making sure I knew how to do it, so next time I would not have an excuse to miss it.

The most important thing I learned from AP chemistry was that, it is times when it seems easier to buckle under pressure when I need to drive myself to do and achieve better. It is times of hardship that I push myself that extra bit, because the worthwhile feeling of when I finally see my hard work and dedication pay off, is one of the greatest feelings I have come to know.

word limit is 500 at 453. Any comments and suggestions is appreciated!
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