Undergraduate / "if only I weren't blind..." - St. Mary college essay about transformative experience [4]

Please give me some feetbacks on the content and organization of the essay. I know my English isn't that strong, so there'll probably couples of things I can improve. Thank you very much!:)

Ps. I haven't given the essay a name too, so if you have any suggestion, please feel free to let me know.

Please describe for us a transformative experience and how it has impacted you. (minimum 150 words and maximum 500 words)

It was sometimes during late morning on May fifth, 2010 that I woke up and found myself in utter darkness. This abrupt loss of my sight was the opposite of what everyone was expecting after the operation. This was only a couple of days from when the doctors had removed the tumor found in my brain. From that day, my eyesight was suppose to improve, which it did until that morning where it just simply vanished! Even the doctors seemed to be lost for words, so after a few months of no change, everyone seemed to accept silently that my sight may never return.

The loss of my ability to see brought with it an enormous change in my attitude. Surprisingly, I did not have to struggle with accepting my blindness as much as with letting go of my ego. I always have high standard of myself and like to work alone to achieve it. However, becoming blind, I realized I have also become dependent on others, at least to a certain extent. This thought made the act of asking for helps felt very uncomfortable for me. Moreover, even after succeeding in speaking out my needs, I then often struggled with lowering my standard. Being a perfectionist, as my dad said I am, pushes me to work hard, but in these cases, all it does is to make me even more frustrated. It is just so difficult to make things perfect when you can't do them by yourself!

Nonetheless, when I think about it, I realized these necessary adaptations have helped me to become more flexible and open-minded. I finally accepted that eventually, I would have to learn to work with others. I became aware that, my comfort zone can only expand when I step out of it. As a result, although I still bite my lip from time to time when having to ask for helps, I would finally do it, and with more ease each time.

My blindness also teaches me to be optimistic with life and problems. It is not as if all the problems I faced derived from being blind; Some of them are just teen issues that anyone who are teens have to face. The real issue is the fact it is often easier for me to just blame them all on my disability. I often think, "if only I weren't blind, I would do better, I would not be this stress..." and so on. Unfortunately, I am also aware that I am blaming the problems on something over which I have no control, and often is not even the real cause of the problem. Thus, over time, I have trained my thinking to search for the bright side of things and to appreciate whatever my blindness gives me. Today, whenever the thought of, "if only I weren't blind..." pops up, I would complete it with something positive like, "I wouldn't have such a fantastic life!"

Undergraduate / My blind friends and I (common app essay prompt4) [2]

Please give me some feedbacks! It just still doesn't sound quite right for me, but it's due this week!!
Ps. and again, please give me some suggestions on essay title. the title above is just what I made up for this.
Thank you very much!:)

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

"Who's this?" Richie asked as his cane touched my foot.
"It's Sai," I replied, but then joked, "It's my foot actually," then we both laughed.
We were at the Denver airport, waiting in a line to check in. We were heading to a convention in Florida, an event that was a part of the summer training program for the blind I was in, a two-month time of happiness; and more importantly, a life-changing experience.

When I think back, I find it hard to imagine myself joking to anyone else aside from my family and friends in this summer program. Cheerful though I am, I am also a rather quiet person. Some people may see me as a quiet girl who is always so busy with her schoolwork that she rarely has the opportunity to socialize with other students. However, this was not the case with this group of friends-perhaps because the reality is they cannot actually "see" me. You see, the convention I was going to was the National Federation of the Blind convention. Richie and I are both blind, and so are the rest of the students and counselors in this summer program. Ironically, however, these people seem to 'see' me on a deeper level that other students do not.

Before I lost my sight in 2010 due to the tumor in my brain, I had lived a life of a normal 13-year-old teenage girl; though perhaps a little bit different in that most of my time was spent on books rather than chatting and shopping. However, after waking up one morning and finding myself in utter darkness, everything changed. I changed schools, and learned to use a computer and 'read' Braille. However, my attitude toward blindness changed considerably in a positive way when I had attended this training center for the blind in Littleton, Colorado in 2012. Therefore, I was happy to return again during the summer of my senior year.

I love to learn, and this environment seemed to be created specifically for me. It rarely bothered me that I worked slowly in the kitchen while learning to cook, or reading slowly in Braille class, or the fact I had a hard time remembering all the routes and street names in the town when I traveled with my cane travel instructor. For the most part, my counselors did not do things for me; rather, they gave me advice on how to accomplish various tasks, and I went and then did them by myself. It was this new realm of learning that gave me enthusiasm when I finished making my first pan of brownies on my own, or when I arrived at a Thai restaurant with a large group of friends after having done research so that I could guide them through the streets alone. Unlike at school, we learned by taking action. In many ways, it was the encouragement of my blind counselors and friends that helped me to grow so much. My summer experience gave me confidence and independence, something for which I have consistently craved.

My experience at this place has significantly contributed to my personal development. As someone who used to doubt her own ability, I now know I can become whatever to which I want. My two months of living with friends of different cultures and attitudes has expanded my view about blindness and the world in general, something very useful for someone interested in psychology like me. People at this center have also introduced me to a new important word I have never known before. Advocacy is a necessary skill I will need as a blind person who dreams of helping others and making society a better place. I now know I can achieve my dream either as a psychologist or social worker by advocating for myself and others who face challenges in their lives.