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Posts by kleinhenz
Joined: Jun 30, 2009
Last Post: Apr 26, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

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kleinhenz   
Jun 30, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparing Brutus's and Mark Antony's rhetoric in Julius Caesar [3]

One Major concern of Julius Caesaris about rhetoric-the skill of persuading others with words. In Act III, Shakespeare pits Mark Antony's famous "Friends, Romans, Countrymen" speech (III, II) against Brutus' "Romans, Countrymen, and Lovers" earlier in the scene. Read both carefully. Most find Antony's speech more effective rhetoric (surely the crowd did!). Why is that? Does Shakespeare agree? Or disagree? Be able to argue from care attention to the text, not just your general impressions.

You might consider what makes for effective persuasion, and what Shakespeare might be saying about persuasion through presenting these two speeches. Break down as carefully as you can howeach speech works, whateach speaker is trying to achieve, and how successful each was.

Compose an essay dealing with these question. SEt out a thesis (that is your position) and defend your thesis with evidence from the text and your reasons and analysis. Please limit your answer to 2-3 pages (500-750 words, double spaced).

Here is my essay. I would appreciate advice, criticism and any typos that slipped through my proof read.
Thanks

Julius Caesar is a play deeply concerned with the idea of rhetoric, or persuasion. The play is driven by persuasion. Cassius convinces Brutus that Caesar must die, setting the story in motion. The resolution of the plot is decided by Antony's speech to the plebeians. Shakespeare sees rhetoric as one of the most powerful forces in the world; able to topple kings and crown them. The play, Julius Caesar, examines what gives rhetoric its power by pitting Brutus's speech against Mark Antony's. Shakespeare shows Antony's rhetoric to be superior by the effect he has on the plebeians.

Brutus's speech fails to convince permanently win over the crowd because he does not understand them. His first failure is at the beginning of his speech when he asks the plebeians to, "Censure me in you wisdom, and awake your senses". It seems as though he does not realize that he is speaking to an angry mob. His argument is based on cold and calculating reason. He argues that the love of freedom is stronger than the ties of friendship. "Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more". This logic cannot sink deeply into an emotional mob. He asks the plebeians to "Believe me for mine honor, and have respect to mine honor that you may believe". He cannot use his honor as a reason for belief in his story when his honor is in question. Brutus fails to offer any proof of Caesar's ambition, the central point of his argument. He ends his speech with a verbal attack on any who disagree with him, essentially calling them cowards. This silences dissension temporarily but when the other side is presented it does not help his cause. Brutus's argument fails because he much less a man of the people than he would like to think.

Mark Antony's argument is a great piece of rhetoric. He successfully accomplishes his object of convincing the plebeians that Brutus is a traitor. He has mastered the use of emotion, subtlety and logic. He uses emotional phrases such as, "My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar" and "Oh judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts". Which give him a connection with the emotion the crowd is feeling at the death of Caesar. He begins not by attacking Brutus, but by praising Caesar. This serves to give him a greater common ground with the crowd, who must have also remembered the things that Antony spoke of. He provides many counter-examples to Brutus's claim that Caesar was ambitious. "I thrice presented him a kingly crown which he did thrice refuse". These counter-examples give warrant to the crowd's rejection of Brutus. His reference to Brutus as an, "honorable man" progresses from a simple statement to a mordant denunciation over the course of his speech. His indirect way of showing the crowd his feelings makes his speech more effective. The crowd is guided but not forced to his conclusions so that when they accept his argument they feel like it is their own. Antony is ultimately the better orator because of his understanding of the crowd.

Both Brutus and Mark Antony struggle for the support of the plebeians, who are portrayed as dumb and fickle. This is at the heart of Shakespeare's idea of rhetoric. Rhetoric is pure persuasion; it is not bound by the same rules as debate. Shakespeare does not pass judgment on the absolute validity of either argument in that scene. The viewer is left to decide for himself who is truly right, but there is no doubt that Antony is the better speaker.
kleinhenz   
Oct 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "I'm a collector of my friends' birthdays" - elaborate on your activity [7]

Your second to last sentence is very confusing. I get what you mean by affinity or alienation but maybe not the best word choice. I think you mean appreciate "them" sincerely, and the treasure"d" recollections. The "top time" seems like it just confuses the sentence.

Good overall though.
kleinhenz   
Oct 18, 2010
Undergraduate / Sneaker Collecting Common App [6]

Good ending sentence. I think your last two paragraphs should be reworked. It should be the admission officers drawing the conclusions rather than you drawing the conclusions for them. Maybe some more anecdotal paragraph that shows the same thing that you're telling. You seem to have a good grasp of the language. I'm not totally convinced that your interest in sneakers really demonstrates all the things you say in the fourth and fifth paragraph. Not that they're not true I just think more evidence would be helpful.
kleinhenz   
Apr 26, 2011
Writing Feedback / Bribery in Morocco - citizens should stand against their leaders. [6]

In the first sentence, "bribe" should be changes to "bribes." Also, I think using it would make the sentence stronger if you used "even though" or "although" instead of just "though." "Manner" is awkward and should probably be removed. I would rewrite the whole sentence as, "In many countries around the world, people are ready to give bribes even though they know it is an uncivilized thing to do." The second sentence is also somewhat awkward. I would change "Morocco is one of these countries, where people..." to "Morocco is a country, where people..." That just flows better. Additionally "addict" should be changed to "addicted." The article "a" in front of "real development" is unnecessary. "over pass" isn't really correct usage. Probably say "overcome" instead.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, the "it" in front of "respects human rights" is unnecessary and should be removed. English doesn't require a noun or pronoun in front of every verb as long as it is clear what thing the verb is referring to. "However, this is not true" should be a sentence on it's own. "Others say," should begin a new sentence. "lot" should be replaced by "a lot" since that is the common usage. As it stands the sentence is a fragment. Because requires two clauses, "Because of this, this." You only have one. The sentence would be fine if you just entirely deleted the "because." I would rewrite the last sentence of the second paragraph as "If the government is serious about establishing and fulfilling laws about this issue, both the citizens and the responsibles will make sure not to give nor get bribes" Again, notice the plural "bribes." It's unclear what responsibles refers to. Are they government ministers?

The third paragraph is mostly alright. In the last sentence, "cares to it" should be changed to "cares about it". Also "everybody" is one word not two. "decision in the side of" should be changed to "decision on the side of." "Charged of" should be changed to "charged with." These are just the accepted prepositions that go with those verbs.

The last two sentences are unclear. I think the use of "Suffice it to say" is particularly unclear. I would change it to "Since Mooroccan leaders are the first to benefit from bribery, they will never be serious about fighting it; hence citizens should stand against their leaders."

Overall, it has quite a few usage errors and unclear sentences, but if you make the corrections I suggested I think it would be fine.
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