Undergraduate / UVA ESSAY BIGGIE SMALLZ READY TO DIE [5]

Hey, I'm no college admissions counselor, but I think this is a super cool/unique topic. I wrote this exact UVA essay about Kendrick Lamar's good Kid maad City. You can definitely switch up the organization so it flows more logically like a story about your life...Specifically you say "In this song it talks about how he was ready to kill himself over all the horrible obstacles, and malicious things he had done in his life." I suggest maybe instead include a quote from the song instead and then explain how that quote really reminded you of your life circumstances. "Moreover, instead of being ready to die, I am ready to achieve my dreams of attending the University of Virginia, because I am ready to live." This sentence right here seems really forced. I don't think this prompt is looking for a connection to UVA. You'll be fine if you prove that Ready to Die had an impact on your life. Good luck!

Undergraduate / "Quaecumque Sunt Vera" - this Northwestern motto represents the way that I aim to live my life [4]

Alright I'm a high schooler just like you, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
"In addition to" - there's no reason to be using that phrase twice, and in consecutive sentences!

To my knowledge you have a very well-written body, I think the introduction and conclusion are a little cliche (especially the conclusion).

For a 300 word essay, you have a clear thesis.
I definitely think you can use a bit more information on yourself. Is there some bioengineering research or excurricular activity you've done?
"With existing research in regenerative medicine and biomechanics, as well as summer research at the NU Physical Sciences-Oncology Center" - If this is something you've done, please clarify. I don't know if "with existing research" is the way to go about writing about your own work.

Sorry I don't have much advice to offer. I think it's really good overall, you have the student community aspect, location/environment aspect all covered very precisely.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / High school, the time when the limits of mentality and individuality are tested - UPenn essay [4]

Hey, high schooler here.

The first half of your essay...needs more connection to UPenn. I can see you had a rigorous schedule, and took advantage of extracurricular opportunities, but I don't think that's going to cut it. You need to relate it to UPenn, else it could be sent to any engineering program at any school. The robotics part was cool - expand on that and how UPenn offers unique opportunities for a budding engineer.

Third paragraph is awesome, really great, your entire essay can be built around this paragraph. You tie in several specific UPenn opportunities/programs. One suggestion I have is to expand on where bioengineering will take you in the future- do you plan to start your own venture, do you plan on going into research..

Sorry if I sound a little blunt here, good luck! :)