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Posts by daniellecurtis5
Name: Danielle Curtis
Joined: Dec 29, 2014
Last Post: Dec 30, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Canada

Displayed posts: 5
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daniellecurtis5   
Dec 29, 2014
Undergraduate / Adulthood - a place where I could blossom into the person I wanted to be [4]

"Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family."
This is my essay for the common app prompt #5. I think I hate it and I don't know what to do about it. There's not much time left please help!!

For two people who share half of the same genetic makeup, my twin Madi and I couldn't be more different. Madi, my twin, has always been the outgoing one. In high school, she thrived. She was invited to every party and took part in every social opportunity that presented itself. Friendships were her priority and people loved her. I, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered with relationships.

[...]
daniellecurtis5   
Dec 29, 2014
Undergraduate / Adulthood - a place where I could blossom into the person I wanted to be [4]

For two people who share half of the same genetic makeup, my twin Madi and I couldn't be more different. Madi has always been the outgoing one. In high school, she thrived. She was invited to every party and took part in every social opportunity that presented itself. Friendships were her priority and people loved her. I, on the other hand, focused my time and energy on other interests. It's not to say I didn't have friends, in fact I had quite a few. But rather, I simply felt more comfortable spending my Friday nights at home in my room, engulfed by the characters of a novel rather than by the sweaty teenagers at a party. I didn't care if people loved me or knew my name: I was perfectly content by myself.

But that all changed very quickly.

I woke up that morning to the late afternoon sun streaming through my window. There was a buzz in the air, today was supposed to be a good day - the day we left for our vacation to Cuba. I was sitting at the kitchen table, deciding which collection of books to bring on the trip when I heard my mom and sister arrive home. "We have to talk" are never good words to hear, and this time proved to be no different. There were so many words- too many words- that I vaguely remember hearing. Biopsy. Malignant. Chemo. Cancer. They were all meaningless, everything I needed to know I got from the look in my sister's eyes. The insurmountable fear that exuded from her blue eyes is an image that will be branded in the back of my mind for the rest of my existence. I yearned to break eye contact with her; it hurt more to see the pain in her eyes than it did to hear the word "cancer". However, for some unexplainable reason I couldn't tear my eyes away from hers. Just like that, I had been plucked from my comfortable, little world and dumped on to a vast new planet, one without rules.

The idea that my sister, a person I loved so dearly, could be so easily taken from me shook me to my core, and forced me to question my priorities. It occurred to me that I could have lost her without really getting to know her. Which is tragic, considering we had been womb mates and virtually inseparable since birth.

As she underwent treatment, I found myself spending less time with my nose in a book and more time strengthening and deepening the relationships I had built with others. Books can be a great way to distract ones self from the trials and tribulations of life. However, I now know that this is not a permanent solution. The only way to live in the present is by freeing your self from your past. Moreover, in order to create a future, we must first acknowledge the past and make amends with it. Relationships help with this.

I grew more in that year than I had in the seventeen years I've been on this planet. This experience challenged, tested and pushed me to become more of the person I want to be. I have come to understand that relationships are more important than any item I might posses - they are irreplaceable, invaluable, and forever. Life isn't about the valuables you collect. But rather, it is about the precious moments your share with the ones you love the most. The heroes and heroines of my latest paperback adventures were just not going to cut it anymore. Andrew Murphy, the author, once said, "You are confined only by the walls you build yourself." To me, those walls are personified by my childhood. By breaking down these walls of isolation, I was able to break loose from the comfort of my youth and finally enter into the exciting new world of adulthood.

I changed it alot, do you think this flows better??
daniellecurtis5   
Dec 30, 2014
Undergraduate / I aspire to bring a sense of design and structure to as many projects worldwide as possible. [2]

And through NYU, and its many global campuses, it is my wish to utilize its study abroad programs.

And through NYU, and its many global campuses, it is my wish to utilize its study abroad programs.
this sentence doesnt seem like it fits here. Maybe you can find a way to incorporate it into another part of your essay but I would refrain from placing it here.

I wish to bring a piece of New York City, the Bronx, to the table.
this sentence seems a little awkward.

Overall, I think this is a very well written essay! Best of luck with the rest of your application!
daniellecurtis5   
Dec 30, 2014
Undergraduate / The pocket of Little Armenia seems like a place of endless possibilities, but it is still a pocket. [4]

this is a really well written essay, especially considering you only have 250 words. However, based on articles about college essays ive read so far it seems as if you show instead of tell. Maybe try telling a story that highlights everything you've learned from this club rather than just listing that. Other than that it is really great! By the way I love your first paragraph, it really grabbed my attention. Maybe try to keep that style of writing throughout the entire piece. Good luck with the rest of your application!
daniellecurtis5   
Dec 30, 2014
Undergraduate / My work experience - is it too cheesy to write about my lame job at McDonalds? [4]

Describe an extracurricular or work experience. (for Vanderbilt-supposed to be 200-400 words, mine is 335)

The incessant sound of the fryer buzzer quickly yanked me from my moments daze and brought me back to the greasy, messy reality that was my quaint little McDonalds. As I wearily looked up from the fry strewn floor to the empty lobby, that usually accompanied closing shifts, I noticed that the garbage in the lobby was over flowing. Too tired to care, I ignored the mess and trudged over to the fryer to lift the fries. It was a busy night at McDonald's. I was four hours into an eight-hour shift, wondering how I could keep working until 12 am and still pass my biology test the next morning. Nights like these at McDonald's took a particularly heavy toll on my body; sometimes in my drained state of mind I even considered quitting. I had only applied for the job in order to fund a trip to Costa Rica that I longed to take that summer. However, summer had come and gone and yet I still found my self at McDonald's four days out of the week.

Even though I had struggled to find a balance between my work and my academics, I had come to love my job. It took some time and effort, but soon I was able to switch seamlessly from Big Macs to biology. The part I love most about my job at McDonald's is that it fosters my need to keep learning. Even when you think you know everything there is to know about what your job entails, there is always more to learn. Learning how to make a Big Mac and how to operate the cash registers were simply the basics. It is skills such as patience and the ability to work under pressure that were the hardest to master.

When I applied to McDonald's I simply wanted a paycheck. However, now I am grateful for everything I have learned throughout my many months there. Somehow it has made all those long, late night shifts seem worthwhile.
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