Posts by f3bruar7z

f3bruar7z

Jan 26, 2015

Undergraduate / Social Media and reflection - my stand on it and why university prompt [3]

Hello there,

I think this essay has some very good ideas, but in some parts it drags on. I would try to make it more concise and for example, do not repeat words one after the other: ... courage, courage that came from social media. For example, when you talk about Junior Year in high school, start off with something more strong than you began working on yourself. Yes, it took a lot of courage for you to begin doing this at that age, but I think you can make that paragraph even more powerful.

Also, I feel as though the ideas in your sentences start off strong, but then you repeat yourself, almost like a resonating note. Just keep it shorter and to the point! Best of luck!

f3bruar7z

Jan 26, 2015

Writing Feedback / Essay on being unique - Everybody is unique in their own way. [4]

Wow, you are a very unique individual, and this essay has a lot of ideas. I want to know more about the ranch your family owns - tell me about a summer there, what you learned from it, inspiration... maybe the first time you took the horse out for a ride? Tie that in with your family, how your sons grew a love for the outdoors as well. At the end, say how all of these things have given you the energy to continue your education. I personally think it is amazing that you are able to do so, with a family. You mention you were part of the automotive field for the past 15 years - what did that teach? How do your coworkers look at you when they hear you are back in school? Do they even know? What prompted you to continue your education in the first place? Best of luck!

f3bruar7z

Jan 26, 2015

Writing Feedback / Piano, my source of motivation - Umich/ Extracurricular CommonApp Essay [2]

If you could only do one of the activities you have listed in the Activities section of your Common Application, which one would you keep doing? Why? (100 words). Please let me know if I have answered the prompt. Also, should I make the 'applause' in the middle in italics?

The stage is dimly lit, except for the lights softly illuminating the piano keys. Each time I strike down a set of chords, I feel the vibrations of sound waves departing. Beethoven's Sonata Pathetique takes me through a roller coaster of emotions. Chopin helps me focus on finding my balance.

Applause.

I am a musician: a privilege to myself and those around me. Piano was my source of motivation for the past 13 years. This will continue to be the root of my inspiration until my hands are too frail to galvanize others in conversing fluently through music.