Writing Feedback / Not every child needs to learn about music, art and drama - these are sheer hobbies, not subjects [2]

Hey everyone, this is my first thread. I'm still figuring out how things work here. :) Anyway, i would be really grateful if you guys can give me some comments or advice on my essay and grade it on the scale of 5. Thank you!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child's basic education.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

It goes without saying that art, music, and drama are important parts in our lives. However, subjects about these things should not be compulsory. In other words, these subjects do not have to be a part of all children's basic education. There are three main reasons to support this paradigm.

Firstly, to some children, art or music is no more than a hobby, not a subject. They come to music because they like to listen to wonderful songs. They come to art because they love beautiful colors. However, it does not necessarily mean that they want to learn how to combine colors or about different notes in music. When parents or teachers force children to learn these subjects, they may destroy the children's hobbies. After all, people, especially children, do not enjoy doing what others tell them to do.

Secondly, music and art require creativity. On the other hand, schools are infamous for destroying creativity because teachers usually teach their students the same lesson and force them to learn how to play the same song or draw the same painting. No student will be able to do something unique or special because he or she is too afraid to do something different from his or her teacher's method. In contrast, if a child can learn how to play whatever songs he likes or how to draw whatever he has in his mind, his creativity can be augmented significantly.

Last but not least, one can still be successful without any knowledge about music, art or drama. For example, a doctor does not need to know about music. All he should care about are math, biology and chemistry. Therefore, if a child is determined in becoming a doctor, he or she should not be compelled to learn about music or art.

In conclusion, not every child needs to learn about music, art and drama because these are sheer hobbies, not subjects; they can minimize a child's creativity and they are not the only way to success.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Sometimes it is acceptable not to tell the truth - not all lies are wrong [4]

Thank you for deciding to review this essay.

Parents usually teach their children not to lie. However, when we grow older, we acknowledge that there are indeed a few exceptions. In other words, not telling the truth is occasionally acceptable. There are three main reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, people may live happier if they do not know the truth. Sometimes, people lie to you for your own benefits. For example, doctors usually lie a lot to cancer patients. It is a common truth that happiness can actually diminish diseases. Therefore, in order to get better, patients should not know how marginal their cancer is. Or at the very least, they can enjoy the rest of their lives in joy and happiness, instead of crying and waiting for death.

Secondly, in some cases, not telling the truth is not only acceptable, but also necessary. In the military, soldiers are trained not to tell the truth no matter what when under interrogation. The truth they are trying to hide from the enemy can closely associated with the lives of millions of citizens or with the national secrets. Moreover, in some countries, it can be considered a treason if you tell a "truth" about the government or military to the enemy or even to the public.

Lastly, it is understandable not to tell the truth when somebody asks you a personal question. We all have our own privacy and our own secrets. Therefore, we should respect others' private lives. In fact, in social class, students are taught not to ask new people they have just met three things: age, job, and marriage. If they do, they may have a terrible first impression.

In conclusion, not all lies are wrong because they can make people feel happier, help protect one's country, or simply safeguard one's privacy.

Thank you for reading till the end. Hope it doesn't hurt your brain. Please give me a feedback and grade my essay on the scale of 5. I really appreciate it. Thank you again!