Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Not every child needs to learn about music, art and drama - these are sheer hobbies, not subjects



Jake Do 2 / 1  
May 27, 2015   #1
Hey everyone, this is my first thread. I'm still figuring out how things work here. :) Anyway, i would be really grateful if you guys can give me some comments or advice on my essay and grade it on the scale of 5. Thank you!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child's basic education.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

It goes without saying that art, music, and drama are important parts in our lives. However, subjects about these things should not be compulsory. In other words, these subjects do not have to be a part of all children's basic education. There are three main reasons to support this paradigm.

Firstly, to some children, art or music is no more than a hobby, not a subject. They come to music because they like to listen to wonderful songs. They come to art because they love beautiful colors. However, it does not necessarily mean that they want to learn how to combine colors or about different notes in music. When parents or teachers force children to learn these subjects, they may destroy the children's hobbies. After all, people, especially children, do not enjoy doing what others tell them to do.

Secondly, music and art require creativity. On the other hand, schools are infamous for destroying creativity because teachers usually teach their students the same lesson and force them to learn how to play the same song or draw the same painting. No student will be able to do something unique or special because he or she is too afraid to do something different from his or her teacher's method. In contrast, if a child can learn how to play whatever songs he likes or how to draw whatever he has in his mind, his creativity can be augmented significantly.

Last but not least, one can still be successful without any knowledge about music, art or drama. For example, a doctor does not need to know about music. All he should care about are math, biology and chemistry. Therefore, if a child is determined in becoming a doctor, he or she should not be compelled to learn about music or art.

In conclusion, not every child needs to learn about music, art and drama because these are sheer hobbies, not subjects; they can minimize a child's creativity and they are not the only way to success.

EF_Carol - / 145  
May 28, 2015   #2
there are three main reasons to. Support this paradigm

You need to outline these specifically, in the intro paragraph. You shouldhave a thesis sentence that lists these reasons.

these are sheer hobbies...

You should restate and paraphrase your intro. The hobby idea is just one. You need to flush out the conclusion with all three reasons, again.

Well written and organized, otherwise, I'd give you a 4 for structure and vocabulary, and not a 5 because you need to rebuild, your opening and closing. If you do this, you could get a 5!

ef _carol


Home / Writing Feedback / Not every child needs to learn about music, art and drama - these are sheer hobbies, not subjects
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳