Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Thank you so much for your help, maybe I could try to combined it and talk about my reasons for wanting to be a doctor, but got thrown off track thats when i got my ged, learning from my experience I more so value the importance of getting a degree and becoming a doctor.

Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

I tried to combine the two can you tell me if this sound ok

Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

I have to write a personal statement that cant be more the 1200 spaces and words so I'm really just trying to make something short.

Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

i tried to focus more on me n my dream

Undergraduate / Need Help with application essay about my personal characteristics [11]

Maybe it would be a little easier for you if you work backwards. Just a suggestion

Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

I didnt want to get this personal but here it goes (its close to 1600 words, its a 1200 limit can you help me edit out)

Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Thank you so much. I agree it sound so much better now.

I fix the grammar. but it's still 1532 words and spaces. I have to take some sentences out to make it 1200... Which sentences should I take out?

Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Thank you for all your help Notoman. I apologize it is characters that they want, above is in Sean's revision but it is still 1500 characters. So i need to cut it down a bit more. Thank you for the pointers, I do agree and I will add it into my Statement.

Undergraduate / (cheerleading labour) - PENN STATE PERSONAL STATEMENT [6]

Hey Brittney, I am also applying at Penn State. I just finished my statement: the title is "want to be a doctor" you could scroll to the bottom to see my finial revision.

for the closing you can probably try and through penn state in it; like I would bring my hard work and determination with me to penn state.. just try throwing it in there some how to see how you like it..

I know the word count is annoying but if it would brighten up your essay, try it.

Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Notoman I am going to use your revision, I really like it. Thanks so much you really help me out alot. I agree with Simone, with all of you'll help it came out to be a great piece.

I really do want to get in penn state but I have my ged and I know they are not that fast to accept someone with that, but I feel if I have a powerful essay it will better my chances of getting in.

Thanks to everyone, you guyes really help me out alot. I feel real confident with this essay and I could not have done it without all of you'll help. :*)

Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

I was able to add "almost" by taking out lab, so now its angels in white coats. That put it right at 1198 lol

Undergraduate / Career aspiration essay - the pharmacist. [10]

ummm kind of lost on this question to...

Did you mean what should you major in?

Undergraduate / Career aspiration essay - the pharmacist. [10]

OH okay, that's basically it, they really just want to hear your plans. Good Luck with that

Undergraduate / Family influence - violence essay [14]

I'm not that good at editing, but I think you should take the first part out about violence and start it from here
I learned quite early growing up as a twin that you have to fight for what you want and what you believe in.

Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

After receiving my bachelor's degree in public health from Temple University, I thrived academically and professionally for an entire decade. I continued my studies in the medical school program, and now as a graduate, and in my last year of residency, I am finally about to receive my white coat. In the many years I have invested in school, I am now able to look back and appreciate the hard and good times I have endured. I am proud I chose Temple...

Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

Is there any ideas on what i should add so i could make 300 words

Research Papers / can someone help me with my research paper of against death penalty? [8]

you can also take an ethicla stance in the essay, you can use Kant's view Where every human like has dignity or when you talking about people that agrees and you showin their arguments use the utilitarian view, "The greatest good for the greatest number" and talk about how the death penetly is for the greatest number of people because by exicuting these people keeps the communities safer...welll that ideas for the body of the essay..I think you should start it off with a famouse quotes talk a little about your topic and state your thesis...this the outline i used for mines

Intro
-att. getter
-Thesis
Body
-process (how it started..to now)
-Claim ( 1 claim that support your thesis)
-Claim (2nd claim that support your thesis)
-Claim ( 3rd claim, the more claims you have the longer your essay will be I had 3 in mines and it made me a 6 page essay)

- then come up with 3 arguments against or for your topic (paragrah for each)...if you want after each paragraph you can write yor rebuttal on y u disagree/ why they are wrong

-Conclusion
What i did with mines because i did not have a rebuttal was stated my thesis 1st
then summary where i listed my 3 claims
final was to leave a impact

hope this help

Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

I had already 260 so i just added to the sentences to make it 300...so now its 300 but i want to make sure its flowing ok and if anyone can help me reword it

Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

thanks for all your help i love the way it is coming along

After receiving my bachelor's degree in public health from Temple University, I thrived academically and professionally for an entire decade. I continued my studies in the medical school program, and now as a graduate, and in my last year of residency, I am finally about to receive my white coat. In the many years I have invested in school, I am now able to look back and appreciate the hard and good times I have endured. I am proud I chose Temple as the school to help me accomplish my goals. Temple has equipped me with the confidence, strength and knowledge to go out into the professional world and become the best. I have so much for which to thank Temple that this one letter cannot adequately describe my appreciation.

During many years of schooling at Temple, I also met my lifelong love, and with our union we share a very vibrant-intelligent two year-old. Having to be a role model to my little girl, I set high expectations for my family and myself. As a family we are now saving for the purchase of our first home, where we can install the principles of an important education and the perusal of dreams. In my near future, I also plan to travel around the world working with Doctors Without Borders and help save people around the world. With my taking part in Temples Study Abroad program I have been able to receive experience and a head start in pursuit of my dream. My attendance at Temple University is the key to the very high powered engine that drives me toward my envisioned future as a doctor. Temple helped me become the very strong-dynamic woman I am today, so thank you, Temple, for being the start to my personal and professional life.

Essays / could u check my thesis; is it strong enough? [8]

you should further expand the sentence possibly adding a sentence giving three examples