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Posts by katiedirt4
Name: Katlyn
Joined: Nov 27, 2015		 Last Post: Dec 22, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 11  
From: United States of America
School: Century High

Displayed posts: 14
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katiedirt4   
Nov 27, 2015
Undergraduate / I am finsishing my college essays and I am having a hard time would some tell me how mine is! [3]

The topic is
A. Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals.

OR

B. Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

This has been rewritten so many times and I am stressing out over it because I do not like it no matter what way I write it so some feedback would be much appreciated I only have the weekend to finish it. Thanks much!

Growing up I have lived quite dramatically. My parents were only 19 when they had me and not even a couple. I was thrown back and forth between them. My mom would move us from apartment to apartment and always had some kind of bad boyfriend. School became the only constant thing in my life. School had always felt like an escape and I enjoyed going every day. In every class I tried to get the best grades so I could make my parents proud. By the time I got to high school things were very different. One year my mom was not around and the next she took me away from my father. By the time I was a junior I was working 30-35 hours each week while trying to keep my grades up, but I had to help my mom pay the bills. Suddenly though my mom decided to move my sister and I away from everyone. It was late December and I was still sick after having a severe case of Bronchitis and Influenza. After missing a bunch of school and the last thing I wanted was to leave the town I grew up in.

The holidays were over and I got enrolled in a new high school. I was frightened. A week and a half is all I had to prepare for all my new classes finals. I knew I had to do well because my grades were low from missing so much school before the move. But I was motivated even though the change was having a big impact on me. My grades ended up being as good as I could get them. The move was hard, but I learned a lot from it.

My favorite class during this time became chemistry. When summer started approaching I wanted to find a job that was related to the science field. After a visit to my counselor I found ACS Project Seed and after reading what about it I knew it is what I wanted to do. I applied immediately and waited for a response. A week later I received an email from professor Rasmussen at NDSU. We arranged a time for me to start and that is where my research in chemistry began. It was then I decided what I wanted to go to college for, but without the move I would have never had the experience to do this project and for that I am grateful.
katiedirt4   
Nov 28, 2015
Undergraduate / Parents mistake - I rely on myself to get what I want to achieve. Personal statement [8]

Hello! So this is my essay. I have rewritten plenty of times and would like some feedback on how my essay is. I am very stressed out about it because I am kind of a perfectionist and I can not seem to be happy with it so an feedback would be welcome and please be honest! The topic is this

A. Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals.

OR

B. Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

I was born to parents who were not romantically involved with each other. I am a product of one single mistake made by them. My parents were both 19 when I was born because of this neither knew how to raise a child. My mother refused to let my father see me until he finally decided to take her to court. From their decision, I was thrown back and forth between my parents. I never seemed to have any stability in my life. My mother would move us from apartment to apartment, with a short-lived, bad boyfriend always accompanying her. School became the only consistent thing in my life, an escape that I found myself enjoying every day. In every class, I strove for the highest grades possible, hoping to make my parents proud, but all that changed in high school. My freshman year of high school I was living with my father because my mother did not want me to live with or see her anymore. He wanted me to focus on school full-time without any interruptions. He was always working overtime and the only time I really saw him was on the weekends. I learned that my school work is the most important thing I could worry about. The following year though, my mother wanted me back and this time made sure I would not see or talk to my father. She hates my father, but to this day I have no idea why. My mother always struggled with paying bills, so when my junior year in high school started I was working 30-35 hours each week, trying to balance my educational duties and the new obligation of helping pay the monthly bills. Suddenly, without the mention to anyone, my mother decided to move my sister and I away from everyone. At the time, I was still sick from a severe case of bronchitis and influenza. Having missed a massive amount of school work, the last thing I wanted was to leave the town I grew up in. I experienced many new things because of the move though. Without all the craziness I have endured, I would not of learned all the stuff I do today. I rely on myself to get what I want to achieve happen. I do not need constant reassurance and support from others because I believe in myself and that is what is important to me.
katiedirt4   
Nov 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / Children should be prepared to be a parent [4]

You wrote thought instead of taught in the second paragraph. Other than that I think you bring up some very good points in your essay and it is well thought out.
katiedirt4   
Nov 28, 2015
Undergraduate / Disneyland vacation - Short response based on culture [9]

I am writing my short response essay and it is based on culture and I am having a hard time coming up with a topic. This is what I have now. This is a really rough draft as of now. Please tell me what you think and any feedback is welcome. I am stressed about this essay more than any other one. The topic choices are

1. The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community?

OR
2. Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?

It was the summer of 2010 and I was going on my first vacation to Disneyland. After I arrived the first thing I noticed was how different it was from my home state. There was some diversity but nothing like what California had. There was so many different people from different backgrounds and it was nothing like I had seen before. People were talking so many different languages and I remember thinking how cool it was.

They had so many different ethnic restaurants that I have never even heard of before because the only places we had was a Mexican and Chinese restaurant. I loved being around all the different cultures. Being surrounded by so many different kinds of people and backgrounds intrigued me on so many levels. I wish the city I live in would have the kind of diversity the bigger cities do because the things you can learn from different cultures are breathtaking.
katiedirt4   
Nov 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Finding Myself in Sierra Leone [3]

My first day of school could be comparable to any other kid at new school. Nerve racking. should be My first day of school could be comparable to any other kid at new school, nerve racking. Instead of Back at my old high school just say At my old high school. I found your essay interesting. You had a good attention grabber and I wanted to keep reading to the end. It was not boring in any way. This is a very good essay.
katiedirt4   
Nov 29, 2015
Undergraduate / My failures are my Successes- Nervous Applicant. Personal Statement UW [3]

Blisteringly should be blistering. Your numbers should be spelt out also because they are under 10. You have a few errors and should reword some sentences and maybe change some around but overall I think it is a great theme and thought out essay.
katiedirt4   
Nov 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Disneyland vacation - Short response based on culture [9]

My first family vacation was when my mother took my sister and I to Disneyland. California was full of different types of people. I remember waiting in line for at least an hour to get on a ride. There was a family of four in front of us and there was a young Indian girl about my age. I initiated a conversation with her and to my luck she knew English. I learned her name to be Zara. We talked about many topics, but my favorite was hearing about where she was from and the traditions they were accustomed to. She lived in a small house outside of New Delhi with her parents and little brother. Her family knew English but mainly spoke Hindi. She taught me some common words and I remember being amazed by it because it was a language I have never heard of before. The food she told me they ate is very different from what I usually eat and I remember begging my mother to take me to some kind of Indian restaurant to try the wonderful food she described to me. All of her uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents would gather for a family dinner each week and that is completely different from my family because we would only gather on holidays. I learned many things from the small conversation I engaged with her. Seeing a different type of culture and hearing it from someone that actually experienced it is fascinating. She taught me that everyone is raised differently and it is our culture that makes us unique and we need to accept everyone for who they are. I could never forget the conversation I had with Zara and the lesson she had taught me.

I added a few sentences here and a few more descriptive words. Also does this essay follow the prompt given or should I just start over?
katiedirt4   
Dec 22, 2015
Undergraduate / Parents mistake - I rely on myself to get what I want to achieve. Personal statement [8]

Essay is to long and do not how to revise without ruining the essay

Hi! My essay is 100 words over. My word limit is 500 and I am at 600. I do not want to ruin the essay by taking out so many words. Any comments or help will be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

I was born the product of a one night stand. My parents did not have any emotional involvement so when my birth disrupted their 19 year old lives, neither of them knew what to do or how to care for a baby. I was in the care of my mother for most of my life. That was until my father decided to take her to court so that he could have some sort of rights over me. It was nice to know that he cared for me somehow, but being shuffled back and forth was really no life for me.

The reckless decisions of my parents left me without a sense of stability in my life. My mother was moving from apartment to apartment and her boyfriends would come and go just as fast from our lives. I thought that living with my father during my freshman year of high school would change my life, and it did for a little while. He was always working and rarely had time for me. Weekends were a treat, he was able to spend some time bonding with me instead of working overtime. I will always appreciate him for taking me in when my mother threw me away like a piece of trash. Telling him she did not want me to live with her nor see her anymore. She was always the negative parent in my life. Somehow, the bad living situation with my father was nothing compared to the life I led with my mother. Things were bad, but I appreciated having a parent who actually wanted me in his life.

Throughout all this turmoil, the one consistent thing in my life was school. I worried about my grades because it was the one thing that I had full control over. I was just beginning to get a handle on my life when my mother demanded I come live with her again. I will never understand why she changed her mind about throwing me out, but I came back to live with her just the same. I wanted to give my relationship with her another chance. After all, my relationship with my father had already improved by that point. So as much as she hated him, I remained resolved to create a relationship with the man who accidentally gave me life.

Living with my mother meant continuing to struggle to make ends meet. As a Junior in high school, I had no idea how we could do that. I found myself working 30-35 hours a week while trying to keep up with my school work. I was in charge of paying the bills and keeping the family alive. Being the income earner in the family, I was shocked to learn that my mother wanted to move us away from all the family we knew, which translated into the help that I could turn to when things got really bad for us. I now believe she needed psychiatric help at the time but did not realize it because I was just a kid myself who was struggling to survive.

Luckily, school was always there to help me keep my sanity intact. Without all the craziness I have endured, I would not have learned all the important elements of how to survive that I do today. I rely on myself achieve my dreams, hopes, and aspirations in life. I do not need constant reassurance and support from others because I believe in myself and that is what is important to me.
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