iman9931
Dec 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'Night at the castle' - gothic descriptive piece [15]
hi guys, this is my coursework 1 can you please check it for any errors
Night at the castle
It's cold and humid. The corridor looks like black murder alleys. I sense the presence of the dead, the screams of damned plunged in the depth of the water abyss surrounding this fallen palace. Grave enchanting whispers draw me in and I walk on, straight inside the "mouth of hell". My judgement is clouded by fog, I can't see clear, my ears have gone deaf; my hands are numbed by the ice of the midnight moon. The walls are sweating for my sake, my tears won't fall, and they'll stay still like this doomed place, illuminated by silver dusk.
Insects crawled in the perpendicular corners of the passage. I was prey to the horrors of my incubus. From afar, I discerned a stoned door, crystallised with ornaments made of gold. Upon entering the vastness beyond the gate, I was greeted with the expense of the hanging chandeliers enclosed with a flame flambeau inked with black damp. And all was lit up, a prolonged table sat at the centre of the room. Atop settled argent plate and golden cups filled with pure tears. Bones were scattered, they encompassed the girth of the lectern. The emptiness displayed solitude; I couldn't help but feel aggravated. So I walked on, straight to the "valley of death"
My body feels heavy, my mind is protesting but my legs won't stop moving. Numerous doors appear and disappear in and out of sight. My eyes catch a glimpse of an endless stairwell, engraved with cursive helve. Each step leads to another and continues into a boundless spiral. My vitality had drastically decreased, but the mystery leads me on. There seems to be no end in sight, I wonder if each night is covered with bright stars like tonight. Black crows rest on the broken holes of the dams. The windowless windows wear out as fungi feeds on its cement like hybrid wolves roaming in forests in the middle of the night. I am prey to my own mind, my obsession, my fascination is out of control, and I reach the end of my fatigue.
My mind....has broken down....
Ropes hover above me, and all sized remains are jingled up together. A child in the arms of a mother, and a father with a broken leg. The smell of rotten flesh makes me ruminate. I gag for dear life, adrenaline shoots through my veins, and I scream and run. I ignore the intriguing tables; I want to get out of this maze alive. But the black birds stare at me with red eyes. Their malice expressing their ambiguity, as if waiting for my annihilation, my dissolution.
And as a rush through the same corridors, I go back on to my steps. I see the entrance to this inferno. I smile, I can finally get out. I extend my arms push against the moving egress, but the creek resonates.... It echoes, thought it is outside. Something is wrong! I see red, crimson velvet cloth covering the walls, colossal candela brume descending upon earth, masked again with gold and wine lit with black flare and holocaust. Hyperventilation, I suffocate.
The roof was made of blood rubies, while I observed the doors slammed shut. There were no echoes, no sounds aside from the creek that the phantoms of my fears made. Everything aside from the lantern and the roof was ebony and coal. As I was about to take a step, mutilated body parts came falling down like a cascade. Cruor rainfall shower upon me, I entered my blackout... It feels nice being asleep; the release of endorphins makes you forget the pain, the sad memories and harsh events that have ever happened in your life. This heaven is much better than the hell of a castle. Aaaaaah sweet dreams!!!!
"So annoying, How long are you gonna sleep?" Sweet, honeyed silky voice"
I opened my left eye painfully, "Did you like my performance darling? I made an attempt to stand, but I failed miserably as I slipped.
"Why waste so much blood? Love, this could have been a supply for a year?"
Complaining is a waste of time. I started at my hands and licked the blood off them
"But it's been so long since I was this excited, we don't often get so many visitors. I was hungry for God's sake and besides you should have seen how they squealed like little worthless rats. I gently made my way to her. I caressed her swelled belly.
"How is our child? Not dead from your joy, I suppose?" leaving that aside we entered a seat embrace "Let's rest for now, my love"
And the two walked away, kicking the shredded human legs, arms and exposed organs, such as their ripped intestines and overflowing enzyme liquid and the blood pool left at their feet. Humans are strange creatures, they deceive and cowardly trample each other, they steal and are stolen from. In this case, the monsters stole their future. In that same castle are the monsters that steal lives from cherished homes. A blood thirsted couple, of which one is exotic but sadistic woman and another is a man willing to humiliate and kill himself for the pleasure of his wife. Anyone who enters the premises, without permission and constant, get strangled, ravaged and brutally ripped by the scythe of the God termination
Will you dare the castle?
thanks
hi guys, this is my coursework 1 can you please check it for any errors
Night at the castle
It's cold and humid. The corridor looks like black murder alleys. I sense the presence of the dead, the screams of damned plunged in the depth of the water abyss surrounding this fallen palace. Grave enchanting whispers draw me in and I walk on, straight inside the "mouth of hell". My judgement is clouded by fog, I can't see clear, my ears have gone deaf; my hands are numbed by the ice of the midnight moon. The walls are sweating for my sake, my tears won't fall, and they'll stay still like this doomed place, illuminated by silver dusk.
Insects crawled in the perpendicular corners of the passage. I was prey to the horrors of my incubus. From afar, I discerned a stoned door, crystallised with ornaments made of gold. Upon entering the vastness beyond the gate, I was greeted with the expense of the hanging chandeliers enclosed with a flame flambeau inked with black damp. And all was lit up, a prolonged table sat at the centre of the room. Atop settled argent plate and golden cups filled with pure tears. Bones were scattered, they encompassed the girth of the lectern. The emptiness displayed solitude; I couldn't help but feel aggravated. So I walked on, straight to the "valley of death"
My body feels heavy, my mind is protesting but my legs won't stop moving. Numerous doors appear and disappear in and out of sight. My eyes catch a glimpse of an endless stairwell, engraved with cursive helve. Each step leads to another and continues into a boundless spiral. My vitality had drastically decreased, but the mystery leads me on. There seems to be no end in sight, I wonder if each night is covered with bright stars like tonight. Black crows rest on the broken holes of the dams. The windowless windows wear out as fungi feeds on its cement like hybrid wolves roaming in forests in the middle of the night. I am prey to my own mind, my obsession, my fascination is out of control, and I reach the end of my fatigue.
My mind....has broken down....
Ropes hover above me, and all sized remains are jingled up together. A child in the arms of a mother, and a father with a broken leg. The smell of rotten flesh makes me ruminate. I gag for dear life, adrenaline shoots through my veins, and I scream and run. I ignore the intriguing tables; I want to get out of this maze alive. But the black birds stare at me with red eyes. Their malice expressing their ambiguity, as if waiting for my annihilation, my dissolution.
And as a rush through the same corridors, I go back on to my steps. I see the entrance to this inferno. I smile, I can finally get out. I extend my arms push against the moving egress, but the creek resonates.... It echoes, thought it is outside. Something is wrong! I see red, crimson velvet cloth covering the walls, colossal candela brume descending upon earth, masked again with gold and wine lit with black flare and holocaust. Hyperventilation, I suffocate.
The roof was made of blood rubies, while I observed the doors slammed shut. There were no echoes, no sounds aside from the creek that the phantoms of my fears made. Everything aside from the lantern and the roof was ebony and coal. As I was about to take a step, mutilated body parts came falling down like a cascade. Cruor rainfall shower upon me, I entered my blackout... It feels nice being asleep; the release of endorphins makes you forget the pain, the sad memories and harsh events that have ever happened in your life. This heaven is much better than the hell of a castle. Aaaaaah sweet dreams!!!!
"So annoying, How long are you gonna sleep?" Sweet, honeyed silky voice"
I opened my left eye painfully, "Did you like my performance darling? I made an attempt to stand, but I failed miserably as I slipped.
"Why waste so much blood? Love, this could have been a supply for a year?"
Complaining is a waste of time. I started at my hands and licked the blood off them
"But it's been so long since I was this excited, we don't often get so many visitors. I was hungry for God's sake and besides you should have seen how they squealed like little worthless rats. I gently made my way to her. I caressed her swelled belly.
"How is our child? Not dead from your joy, I suppose?" leaving that aside we entered a seat embrace "Let's rest for now, my love"
And the two walked away, kicking the shredded human legs, arms and exposed organs, such as their ripped intestines and overflowing enzyme liquid and the blood pool left at their feet. Humans are strange creatures, they deceive and cowardly trample each other, they steal and are stolen from. In this case, the monsters stole their future. In that same castle are the monsters that steal lives from cherished homes. A blood thirsted couple, of which one is exotic but sadistic woman and another is a man willing to humiliate and kill himself for the pleasure of his wife. Anyone who enters the premises, without permission and constant, get strangled, ravaged and brutally ripped by the scythe of the God termination
Will you dare the castle?
thanks