Undergraduate / UF application essay. 461 words. Critiques? Comments? Good/Bad? [NEW]

Prompt:In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

I began my track career about five years ago. At that time I did it as a pastime, but have now grown to love the sport because of all the things it has given me over the course of these arduous five years. I believed at first that track and field would only assuage the stress I develop from school and home, a means of "getting away." As I climbed more hills, ran faster, ran harder, and developed a sense of true competitiveness, I noticed I had transferred all of these and much more into my academics as well. As I became mentally strong for track and field, my mind also sharpened in terms of school. I became more competitive, and my coaches continuously told me that if I desired the win I would have to fight for it, and so I did. Yet as I fought on the track, I saw myself become a fighter in school also. I desired more out of school as well. My freshman year I was lagging in track, and lagging in school. As I went into sophomore year I began to develop into an outstanding runner, and as a parallel my grades also rose. I wanted the recognition, sought to be the great leader, aspired to be the best in everything. I came to find out that there were people incredibly faster than me in most aspects of track, yet I continued to strive for that ultimate superiority in everything. So it was in school also, as I thrived in all subjects entering my junior year. Receiving straight As through the entire school year, and receiving recognition as a Wofford Scholar were only a few of the achievements, but I also did well in track that year also. Track has developed me into a formidable candidate in all aspects. I have become mentally strong, which will carry me into success throughout my matriculation. I have developed an interminable desire for the best and nothing less in everything I place my mind upon, which will definitely help me in my college endeavors. I have become a great leader, in my school, for my team, and in my community. I surely believe that these will transfer to my future college community, and if anything will grow with the numerous opportunities and aid that are available at the University of Florida. My track experiences have matured me into what I view as a total package of leadership, determination, activity, and academic integrity. As I have been told by the UF admissions this is exactly what a school such as UF is looking for in their future students. If so, I find that I bring that array of skills and leadership which will benefit the University of Florida.

Undergraduate / Events in my life - New UF essay. [5]

There have been numerous events in my life that have developed me as an individual, but the one experience I've gone through that I can truly say makes me who I am today is the desertion of my father. He left my mother, sister, and I when I was four years old. For many years I abhorred my own father for what he had done, but I gradually grew out of that, and instead developed a strong determination to succeed, to, in a way, be what he never was.

After he left, I grew empathetic towards people who also felt they had voids in their lives. As a result, I've spent time volunteering at two parks for almost three years now with kids without a true father figure in their lives. Recently, I have also been volunteering at a nursing home, accompanying those who no longer have that special someone to talk to. This has helped me to not only fulfill a part of myself that was never complete, but I receive the opportunity to aid those who are in need, which has developed into a passion of mine. I do not know why my father left, but part of me still believes it might have had something to do with financially insecurity to the point of desperation, a state that cause many to make rash decisions. With that in mind, I came to the conclusion that I never want my kids to endure the anguish I've undergone, simply because of a lack of financial security. I know what I need to be successful: perseverance, compassion, individualism, leadership, and well-roundedness as an individual to name a few, and I have thus far striven to develop myself in each criterion to ensure my success.

The departure of my father has also taught me much in terms of one's responsibility, a quality I hope to both achieve and maintain. I've been the leading male figure in my family for the past twelve years now, and I've had to learn to do everything from taking out the trash and fixing bicycles, to paying the bills on my own. Without a guide, many times I've felt like trying to do well in everything was overbearing and all my efforts would be to no avail. Yet I continue to drive forward whether in sports, academics, or at home, and in the process I have developed a strong sense of perseverance, responsibility, and, being on a single family income, even a little frugality. Due to the mindset I have created for myself from the experiences that have shaped me as a strong leader and passionate student with an unrelenting need to give back, I feel that I could provide an array of qualities beneficial to a community such as UF.