Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Y/N Professional athletes who receive high salaries are fully entitled to all money they get. [3]

Below is a Toefl essay. I am not sure about the language use. Could you please help me with the vocabularies and sentence structures and give me some suggestions? I'd appreciate that. :)

SUBJECT: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Professional athletes who receive high salaries, such as football and basketball players, deserve what they get.

Professional athletes are among the most affluent professions in the society. Based on this fact, divergent voices arise on the issue that whether athletes deserve such a high salary or not. I hold the view that professional athletes should receive the money.

To begin with, the hard work of professional athletes is well worth the money they earn. As is known to all, professional athletes have to receive laborious and formidable training every day, the extent of which is beyond normal people's acceptance. Take Yang Sun for example, who is an Olympic champion swimmer. Based on an interview of him, he said he has to swim for 10 miles every single day, which can be exhausting and crazy. "There are lots of times when I want to give up because I think I cannot handle that." He smiled to the camera, "But I overcame the obstacle both physically and mentally, and I won the Olympics." From his words, we can clearly feel how many efforts he had invested in training before every competition. It is true that athletes like Sun may make more money than normal people, but the energy and time they have put in their career is obviously more than ours. Therefore, it is not unfair to claim that they deserve the high salary.

Besides the hard work, professional athletes serve as other purposes for us. For one thing, their jobs entertain our daily life. Sports is an indispensible part of our life. Every day after class, I will watch some sports games to relax, ranging from basketball, soccer to tennis. The excellent performances brought by those athletes let us taste the charm of sports and competition. I, as a fan of tennis, always feel relaxed while watching the games, which also help me to get rid of the pressure from my study. For another, professional athletes do other things besides sports which are beneficial to our human beings as a whole. For instance, many well-known athletes actively engage in charitable organizations and voluntary work. One of the NBA stars Yaoming is a perfect example. He is always dedicated to helping poor kids in poverty-stricken places in China. So far, he has donated sports facilities to more than 120 rural schools. Although professional athletes do not have the duty to do such things, but once they are willing to help those in need using the money they have earned, any objection to their high salaries seems to be untenable and not humane.

In conclusion, professional athletes deserve high salaries because of their hard work, what they have done to enrich our daily life as well as their warm hearts towards those needy people in our world.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: Children should have fun playing but rivarly also benefits them. [3]

I'm looking forward for your comments and advice about the logic,structure, grammar, vocabulary etc. Thanks a lot. :)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should play sports only for fun, so they should not attend competitions.

Doing sports, as an indispensable part of many children's life, brings about dozens of benefits, ranging from helping kids keep fit to relieving stress both mentally and physically. However, as for the objective of playing sports, divergent voices appear on this topic. Some advocate entertainment is the only goal while others encourage children to engage in some competitions. Personally, I vote for the latter and I hold that children should not only play sports for fun but also should attend competitions.

At first, a point should be made clear here that there is no conflict between FUN and competition because competition is not equal to fierce fight for victory; children can get fun from attending competitions as well. Playing sports just for fun does benefit children a lot since they can totally relax in a no-pressure atmosphere. However, participating in competitions does not eliminate the fun children will have as long as they do not attach too much importance to the result of a game. Take me for example. I was a member of the school volleyball team when I was a freshman. Once we had a volleyball competition with another school. Though we had prepared for this competition for over 2 months and every one of us tried our best on the court, unfortunately we lost the game. Upset and sad as we were at first, later we realized that we had gained a lot of fun from it: we spent lots of time with our teammates; we had trained very hard but we were happy everyone was making progress.

Apart from just fun, attending competitions benefits children in other aspects. Competition involves rules, failure and success, but it does not mean children cannot enjoy the competition. Though training can be laborious and tedious sometimes, children harvest perseverance; no one can predict the result of a game, but the moment when everyone is fighting together for one goal on the court teaches children what is cooperation and teamwork; sometimes children may lose the game, but what they have sacrificed and gained from the competition can be the most precious gift ever received in their life.

In conclusion, children have fun playing sports but they can benefit more from involving in competitions, not only fun but other things more valuable.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Writing: Governments have done enough to educate people the importance of healthy eating. [3]

I'm looking forward to your comments and advice including grammar, vocabulary, sentence structure, organization ect.
I'd appreciate that. Thanks. :)

Do you agree or disagree governments have done enough to educate people the importance of the good nutrition and healthy eating?

Eating, as an indispensable part of everyone's daily life, has always been an eye-catching topic among public. As more importance is being attached to health by people, whether government has contributed to educating people the importance of good nutrition and healthy eating draws attention. Some believe that government has done enough on this issue while others hold the opposite view. From my perspective, governments' efforts in such education are far from enough.

To begin with, governments have done little in arousing public's awareness to develop a healthy diet. That's why bad eating habits are ubiquitous around us. For instance, fast food restaurants like McDonald's are always crowded where junk food is served, ranging from burgers, French Fries to cola which are high in fat and sugar. People can easily gain weight if eating too much of that. Besides, every time I visit my grandmother's home, she treats me a full table with delicious dishes, like braised pork, steamed beef and roast mutton but no vegetables. Although meat in Chinese tradition shows hospitability, to some degree, it indicates my grandmother's lack of awareness about what a balanced diet is. Based on such prevalent phenomena, some practical approaches should be implemented by governments to increase people's motivation to eat healthily, such as printing some booklets with tips of how to eat healthily and foods containing good nutrition.

Apart from the necessity of arousing public's awareness directly, governments also need to assume the responsibility to strengthen the regulation process of food production. That's probably because if people worry about the food quality sold in the market, they will not believe what governments have told them. Assuming that by educating, people have established the awareness of eating healthily, if there is no security in food industry guaranteed by governments, it is impossible for public to eat freely, not mentioning a favorable eating habit.

In conclusion, there are still lots of tasks for completion by governments to cultivate people's awareness of good nutrition and healthy eating. Ensuring customers a safe food market should be given priority; then come measures like handing out booklets or putting on advertisements on TV.