Undergraduate / "Fear can be your worst enemy" - help lenghtening/editing essay. 200 more words. [6]

Thanks for the feedback. Sorry for not including the prompt, here it is "Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it."

Undergraduate / "Fear can be your worst enemy" - help lenghtening/editing essay. 200 more words. [6]

Thanks you so much for all the help @hiddengrace. I've written a revised version trying to Incorporate everything you have mentioned:

Fear can be your worst enemy.
It was a warm, breezy day in mid-July. One of those rare days in Seattle where the skies are clear and the sun is shining. I was going into seventh grade, and was on a field trip as a part of a summer camp that I was attending. Over the first few days of the camp I had made some friends going into eighth and ninth grade, and our first field trip was going to be to Camp Warm Beach. All of my friends were excited about the high ropes course but I was more inclined towards swimming in the pool or going canoeing. In the end, I did not want to be the only one of my friends who was not on the high ropes course, so I agreed to it anyway. From the moment I climbed up into the trees I was trembling, with my heart beating just as fast as my hands were shaking. As I walked across the tightrope I was singing songs in my head to distract myself from the obstacles at hand. I did not dare to look down. That was until I reached the leap of faith.

"Breath in. Breath out," I told myself repeatedly. I looked down but I could not bring myself to do it. I may have only been 40 feet in the air but it looked like 400 feet. I could see the people below me, mere ants from my point of view.

Ahead of me lie an open expanse. An open expanse I had to jump across in order to reach the other side. While it was probably only 4 feet long it seemed as if it extended forever. "Surely I was going to die if I jumped into that endless pit," I thought. I spent what seemed like an eternity just staring at what lie ahead of me until I looked back and saw two people waiting behind me. I knew I had to get moving so I mustered up all the courage that I had and took the jump.

"Wait no! I can't jump that far," I thought.
Everything was a blur. I could feel my stomach flip and the whole world turned black. I felt like my mind was spinning in a world of darkness. Then, in an instant, I opened up my eyes and looked down. I was hanging in mid-air about 35 feet off the ground thanks to my safety harness. Soon enough I was being pulled back up to the ropes course by the climber behind me.

In that flash I learned an important lesson-to be adventurous, because often times fear is the only thing holding one back. Since then, I have been much more willing to take a chance on life, and try new things. This is a lesson that has changed me from a young age, and has undoubtedly prepared me for the world that lies ahead. Now, I know not to let any fears get in my way. My character has shifted dramatically, and my newfound, forward-thinking mindset may be what is allowing me to apply for college today, two years in advance. I am ready to take all opportunities presented, from research positions, to key internships, to participation at clubs on campus. Even the little things, like asking the professor for help after class or attending extra study sessions, I am prepared for what college has to offer.

Undergraduate / "Fear can be your worst enemy" - help lenghtening/editing essay. 200 more words. [6]

I'd love to hear any feedback or grammar edits to the version I posted above :)

Writing Feedback / Maintaining public library with computer or conventional way? IELTS Task 2 [2]

"Commonly, conventional" is a redundant way to word it. Use one of the two.

Writing Feedback / In 1940 Japan stood at below 5% of people aged 65 and now prediction shows the rise to 27% in 2040 [5]

Nice data and statistics but what is the effect of all of this. Provide some analysis.