Posts by nsb

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / In 1940 Japan stood at below 5% of people aged 65 and now prediction shows the rise to 27% in 2040 [5]

hello adie let me give you some comments

- The line graph provides of the quantity of population 65 years ...

- although Japan was the lowest member (I do not know the meaning of the lowest member) in the first period in 1940.

- between 1980 to 2000 -------------- remember between is pairing with and not to ( between ... and ...., from ..... to .....).

- it is forecasted that the number of people ~~percentage of will increasing~~ increase dramatically and ~~peak in 2040 around 27 percent~~ and reach the peak to 27 percent in 2040

- On the other data, Sweden and The USA, ~~both of them~~ stood at below 10 percent in 1940

NB:
This graph shows two parts of time, namely past tense and future tense. It is suggested that you find connectors or expressing words to explain about the future for example:

- it is forecasted that .....
- it is predicted that ...
Try to find various sentences, it will make your writing more interesting.

Be better adie

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the consumption of several fuels during a 200-year period is elicited on the graph [3]

A breakdown of the consumption of several fuels during a 200-year period is elicited through the graph. At first glance, although wood was the most popular type of fuels in the beginning, it declined sharply until the end of the period. In contrast, there was an enormous rise in the usage of coal, even though in the middle of period, the number of people using coal decreased gradually.

In the first year, 1800, wood was the only energy used by people which reached to 100 per cent. However, following the next periods wood plumed to around 5 % and no one uses it by 2000. On the other hand, traditional power (coal) grew tremendously to the peak of 70 % in 1900, but it did not take a longer because it experienced a steady downward to 30 % following a century.

In the middle of period, 1900, the modern energy (oil and gas) were introduced to society in which there was a remarkable growth in the number of consumption of oil and gas. Furthermore, the modern energies have reached over 30 % following 1900-2000.

fuel.png

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / Level Education of Bulgarians people who live in abroad [2]

hello bunglon11, overall your writing is awesome but sometimes you forget about the modifier

- level education --------> level of education or education level
- Overall, the most obvious piece of information ~~was that there is~~ is that there was a change in the trend of level (of) education
- too many word of education,maybe you can change it with synonim, for instance, secondary education will be changed into secondary school
- too many adverbs are not good too, initially, serially, uniquely, interestingly (actually it is not wrong but it seems not natural, maybe you can change them with connector such as furthermore, moreover, in addition, etc)

but overall you did great

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / The table graph shows the routes, opening years and total customers in underground railway systems [3]

hello adie,

- Moreover,~~based on data~~ (double connectors, just choose one of them, don't forget to put coma after connector), Los Angeles station becomes ...

for the other sentences, I think that others people have given their comments for you
Good luck

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / A brilliant leader needs extra efforts and experiences instead of the blood line leadership - Ielts [2]

Some people believe that the good leaders are born, whereas others hold the opinions that the leadership qualities could be obtained during the life. Who represents the qualities indeed?

Leadership is one of the most important aspects influencing the future of organization or society. The quality of leadership is believed as a gift from god, but others claim that excellent leaders come from the experiences that they get throughout their life.

For some reasons, the characters of people are caused by whatever they have faced no exception for leadership. However, the other factors that take a big role in the way to lead are talent (blood line) and culture. Talent is acknowledged as a primary reason someone can be a leader in which people who have talent since they were born are easily more capable handling their circumstances. As well as a talent, culture is one indicator expected to be a determination for the leaders. As an illustration, kingdom or country that has monarchy system believes that a leader must be the son of the king.

On the other hand, the way people influence their surrounding depends on their background experiences and hard work. Someone who wants to get the top position in their organization must know everything and it will be gotten if they have knowledge from their experiences; more experiences are believed as the best teacher. Furthermore, hard work has the same proportion of experiences. For instance, the second President of the Republic of Indonesia, Soeharto, even though, he does not have the leader blood line, he is able to be a president because of his struggle.

In conclusion, to sum up this essay I do believe that a brilliant leader needs extra efforts and experiences instead of the blood line leader, because with their abilities they will face and solve many problems surrounding them well.

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the consumption of several fuels during a 200-year period is elicited on the graph [3]

Thanks for your comment Larsen, hopefully, I can be better on writing in the next time

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / Surveys representing the employees' relations with their supervisor and co-worker IELTS Task 1 [3]

hello anita, this is my feedback for you

- ... illustrated by the pie charts~~. This survey is~~ measured into percentages.
- ... the most significant results in the charts show that the workers ~~have~~ (had) 'very good' relationship with both partners. (2005 and 2009, past tense)
- too many " very good" words are not good for your writing, you can find the other synonyms such as superb, great, etc

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the education levels of Bulgarian citizens who went to live overseas in 2002-2008 [2]

hello anita,

- ... overseas in 2002, 2006, and 2008 is illustrated by (you can use through also to replace "by") the ~~presented~~ bar chart. Overall, it is obviously seen that among three levels, including the grades (higher education , secondary education , and primary and lower education ), the secondary education students tended to leave their ... (find others expression of education, maybe you can use grade, school, etc) it will make your writing better.

- ... level stood at two-thirds and became ~~the highest data~~ the highest grade among the others.
- ... in the following four and six year(s) to 61 % and 59 % respectively
- the dramatic rise occurred up to ~~reach~~ 32 %

nsb

Feb 27, 2016

Writing Feedback / task 1: internet activities in different age groups [2]

A breakdown of the percentage of the internet consumption divided into six criteria by age groups is illustrated through the table. It appears that e-mail is the most favourite activity used by among all of the age groups while download music and videos reducing popularity.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, the proportion of the e-mail user are the highest in all of the age group and It is remain stable at 90 % over in which the highest percentage is in 50s-aged netizens (95%). However, even though, the number of people downloading music and video are less 38% and 45% than e-mail customers in each teens and 20s aged, the number in following age group are significant less a half more as much as e-mail customers.

Turning into other analysis, even though, in the adolescence-aged group, the proportion of people playing games on the internet-based program are enormously different with the number of users searching for people (more than three out of four), in the following age group the both of the number remain same. Furthermore, others activities such as travel reservations and online sales have steadily same proportion, even though for teens no one reserves their vacation using online travel.

P_20160228_075555.jp.jpg