Posts by yamtrang

yamtrang

Sep 2, 2016

Writing Feedback / CAMBRIDGE IELTS 9 TASK 1 / page 53: THE TOTAL NUMBER OF MINUTES OF TELEPHONE CALLS IN UK [4]

Hi guys, i am gonna take ielts exam and now practicing myself for writing. The only problem is that i dont have anyone can correct my essays for me. So i find this forum really helpful and now, i have just done my first essay here. Please help me out and figure mistakes as many as possible. The more mistakes, the more i will appreciate. I like to learn from mistakes. Thank you very much. So here we go, my writing on Task 1 in Ielts Writing Test with enclosed picture.

Information regarding how many minutes of telephone calls people spent in the UK, splitted into 3 classifications, from 1995 to 2000 is revealed in the graph. In general, the total number of minutes of national and international line and the total number of minutes of using mobiles increased over the peoriod, whereas the total number of minutes of local line fluctuated.

As can be seen, there was a gradual rise in regard to the number of minutes of national and international line from about 38 billions to over 60 billions during the period from 1995 to 2002. Regarding mobiles, the total number of minutes grew dramatically from the lowest point of apporximatey 3 billions in 1995 to around 45 billions in 2002.

By contrast, the figure for local line fluctuated throughtout the period of 1995-2002. It accounted for over 70 billions in 1995, then rose considerably between 1995 and 1998, then reached a peak of 90 billions in 1999. Subsequenty, it experienced a sighnificant fall in a periof of 3 years, turning back the beginning point of over 70 billioms by 2002. However, it still conserved the hightest number most of the time.

Word count: around 200

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yamtrang

Sep 2, 2016

Writing Feedback / CAMBRIDGE IELTS 9 TASK 1 / page 53: THE TOTAL NUMBER OF MINUTES OF TELEPHONE CALLS IN UK [4]

Hi Faridadwi, thank you very much for you correction.
However, i am confused at some points you suggested like:

1. you said that i should paraphrase with the question and i have tried to paraphrase "divided into 3 categories" to " splitted into 3 classifications " and you striked it and use the same words comparing to the question???

By the way, i agree with you using "how long people use telephone calls " would be better :d

2. Overall, the number of minutes in national and international calls and mobiles calls increased significantly while ~~local line~~ had fluctuated trends. --> it should be rewrite the second subject to the number minutes in local line that had fluctuated, not just local line, right ?

thanks <3

yamtrang

Sep 2, 2016

Writing Feedback / Is fashion an important part of life? [2]

fashion is an essential need of life so it does not to cost much money --> doest not cost

Fashion in particularly cloth has advanced since the ancient century --> i think it should use present perfect continuous : has been advancing .... because it is still advancing today and in future.

can make persons feeling good and confidence to interact with others --> make people feeling good and confident to ....

basic necessities of cloths for the local inhabitants. ---> avoid to use necessaitied many times. DEMAND instead

Nice job !!! ;)

yamtrang

Sep 2, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Employee Should Think About Appearance Or Quality Of Work [3]

complements -> compliments bro ;)
when inhabitant work in an organisation which giving services to customers. -> i think have some grammar problems here =.= i don't understand what you mean

Becareful with IN CONTRAST
"In contrast" is usually followed by "to" or "with" and requires a noun to follow it.
"By contrast" is usually followed or preceded by the subject of the sentence.

Ex: In contrast to the diligent bee, the butterfly flies hither and yon with no apparent purpose.
In contrast with the chorus of birdsongs in my backyard, my front yard is serenaded by the sound of rumbling buses flying down the street.

By contrast, the Picasso is more vibrant and full of life.
The cats will often sleep the day away. The dogs, by contrast, never settle down.

i think that have good quality of work is more important than have good feature. --> having good quality.... than having good feature

yamtrang

Sep 2, 2016

Writing Feedback / The figures regards the variations in using transport to travel in England between 1985 and 2000 [2]

Ielts TASK 1: Information About Changes in Modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000

Figures regarding variations in using transport to travel in England between 1985 and 2000 is revealed in the graph. Overall, the average distance in miles travelled by walking, bicycle and local bus tended to decline, while that by car, long distance bus, train, taxi and other increased during the periof of 1985 - 2000

As is shown by the graph, the average miles travelled by local bus experienced a significant decrease from 429 miles in 1985 down to nearly double of 274 miles. Beseides, the average miles by both walking and bicycle witnessed the same slight fall in which the former went down to 237 miles in 2000, comparing with 255 miles in 1985 and the latter drpopped from 51 miles to 41 miles in smiilar years.

By contrast, it can be clearly seen that the average distance by taking taxi rocketed from just 13 miles, the least average distance in 1985 to 42 miles in 2000. Moreover, the average miles travelled by long distance bus nearly trebled from 54 miles to 124 miles in a period of 15 years. In regard to car user, which seemed to be the most popular transport over the time, had a sustainable rise from 3199 miles in 1985 to 4806 miles in 2000. Subsequently, the average miles for travelling by train and other also went up steadily from 289 miles and 450 miles to 366 miles and 585 miles consecutively( is it the same meaning with " in order " ? ) between 1985 and 2000.

Thank you so much for picking out any mistakes <3

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