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Posts by ppthecat
Joined: Aug 13, 2009
Last Post: Aug 14, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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ppthecat   
Aug 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Should I include names in my essay? [7]

prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet

I did a fundraise with my best friend and her brother.
Should I include their names, or is that unnecessary?
ppthecat   
Aug 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Should I include names in my essay? [7]

Can you guys edit this? Thanks.

"Cookies, anyone? Delicious, yet low in sugar!" This starts my Saturday weekend, selling chocolate chip cookies that I baked the day before, along with my best friend and her brother. These are not ordinary cookies, however- they are low in sugar, and thus a healthy option with those with diabetes. A few supportive neighbors stop buy to purchase our cookies.

I first became interested in diabetes with my best friend's brother was diagnosed with type II diabetes, just a few months ago. It was shocking to me, since I had known him for so long. I decided to support my best friend, and we started a fundraise to raise money, but mostly awareness of diabetes, as well as to promote healthy habits. Selling these healthy cookies in order to promote healthy eating choices is just one activity we did.

PS- I know this is kinda bad. I don't know if I should tell the story of the fundraiser, or recite it. So I think I did both..?
ppthecat   
Aug 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "Swim coach Marks" - Admission essay 2 for UT [8]

Coach Marks has a long history as a successful teacher and swim coach. Marks taught at Churchill High School in San Antonio for 31 years, guiding the school's swim team to 51 district championships, 37 regional titles, and 8 state championships. He led the summer league at Shadow Cliff every year and continues to do it to this day. The six years I was a part of the Shadow Cliff team, we won 6 divisional championships in a row, and after I left they continued to win. This year Shadow Cliff is going for an unprecedented 20-year winning streak.

------I think you should take this out because it is all about your coach. We don't want to know about your coach. Maybe shorten this out, to show you have a good coach, or just leave it out.

My opinion.
Otherwise, very well-written.
ppthecat   
Aug 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Personal statement- work experience, the first day of my internship [4]

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet (150 words or less).

Please edit!
And also I am a little over the word limit. Any advice?

"This is the PTB-3150-MV. This is the PFA-250-RG." The first day of my internship at XXXX. Already overwhelmed by the complex names of the power supply models, I am immediately given the task of completing a modification record of the PTB-3150-MV power supply. My mentor walks me through the steps. I proudly hand over the finished record to my mentor, who scans over it and hands it back to me. Oops. I forgot to write down the quantity. Sheepishly, I slowly write down the number 12, double-checking to make sure everything is right. This time, I receive a simple, yet satisfying, pat on the back.

I look up at the clock, and it is 5:00. As I prepare to head home, I realize that 8 hours of any work, whether plucking at wires or filling out paperwork, is truly exhausting. I suddenly think of my dad, who will also be heading home at this time. Though I have finished my internship this summer, I continue to appreciate and admire my dad for the effort and optimism he puts into his job.
ppthecat   
Aug 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Should I include names in my essay? [7]

Prompt: In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I actually decided to go with a different topic,but thanks anyways :)
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