Posts by Binh Ngo

Binh Ngo

Mar 5, 2017

Writing Feedback / This essay about bar chart report related to "Average annual GDP growth" [3]

GDP numbers in comparison on three different platforms

The provided bar chart compares the average growth in domestic products(GDP) in percentage for three types of platforms: wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globalisers during 40 years from 1960 to 2000. It is clear that the countries adopting globalisation would have GDP growth increased each year whilst there were only declining and unstable trends as to that of the remaining group in almost period.

In the years of 1960s, the highest proportion in GDP was roughly 4.7 % coming from wealthy nations while those figures for globalisers and non-globalisers stood at a low of just over 1 % and 2.4 % respectively.Over the next 3 decades, there was a considerable decrease to 2 % in GDP of the rich national group but there has been a steedy development up to nearly 5 % in the group of global approach nations since the first decade.

Regarding non-globalisers, their GDP figures were observed as such a minimal fluctuation reaching a peak of over 3% in 1970s and falling to a lowest point of under 1 % in 1980s then 10 years later, it slightly continued rising back to about 1.3 %.

data for this essay

Binh Ngo

May 6, 2017

Writing Feedback / Raising a company productivity through promotions - basing on a performance or on the seniority? [3]

Hi @vinusi, you could have done a better job of discussing the matter related to promotions based on seniority or performance platform.
First of all, in my opinions, your paraphrasing sentences is quite simple and not really accurate. Personally, I could write this one as follows:
"In some organizations, there have been two ways based on seniority or performance to promote employees for their contributions to the company, but these generate a controversy in the midst of two viewpoints".

Then you have to answer the questions of this topic in introduction passage: "Then indicate which position you think is best and why".
"midst of two viewpoints...Personally, before getting a higher position, the employees have to experience working hours long enough and demonstrate their competence to managers from fair level or higher. But the most crucial element is still performance dedicating profit for that firm."

In the first detail block, you should demonstrate the advantages of promotion based on seniority instead of giving its drawbacks. It does not focus on the requirement of the topic.

all for now, but i think you should use more academic words to rise up their band score.
Thanks