Writing Feedback / Selection (out of 5) for Summative Essay (1) [2]

Hi Justin,

In picking the best essay, I think it would be better if you first state the purpose of the essay selection. So we can adjust our judgement to the purpose.

However, here are some of my thoughts on the essays:
1. I think it misses important data to support the main premise. How many drunk drivers are actually causing incidents? And what is the rate of drunk drivers that causing incident in the past get behind the wheel again?

2. It's a good essay. It'd be better if the essay could provide reference to a study that will support tips suggested in the essay.

3. It sound like a complaining teenager
4. It's a safe and quite beautiful essay
5. It gives the impression that the story is not finished yet.

So, I pick the essay #4

Writing Feedback / The best solution for traffic congestion and pollution is raising the tax of the private car [2]

Hi Hirani,

Here's my feedback for you:

First Paragraph
- Some people believe that it can be solved by incliningincreasing the price of petrol.

Second Paragraph
- As the consequenceIn consequence , traffic congestion and its ...
- ... Newspaper in 2012, stated that raising the cost of petrol ...
- ItThe policy just reduced below 3 percent of utilizing private car ownership .
- The wealthy classUpper class societystill could reachpay the new price of petrol.
- The inhabitantsPeople did not leave their car ...
- However, improving the car tax is the best way to terminate congestion and pollution. --> put it as opening sentence of third paragraph

Third Paragraph
- The increasing of private car tax became twice ...By doubling private car tax, car ownership will be more complicated.
- ... they have to expend muchmore money on itfor the car while their other necessity also required moneymeeting their basic needs .
- A research which conducted by (...) stated that improvingdoubling the tax of private car became twicehad already diminishedled to 34 percent drop of traffic jam there.

May it help you. Good luck.