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Posts by franklake
Name: nimo
Joined: Nov 10, 2016
Last Post: Nov 11, 2016
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From: Canada
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franklake   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The benefit to make conversation to stranger- TED [3]

I'm not sure what your task is. However, if it is to analyze the talk I think you should make it very clear in your opening sentence(s).

Also in you first sentence you should include the TEDTalk name in quotations as well as the author, for example:
In "________," Kio Stark explains that _______.

But remember if your ask is to summarize the talk only explain it. If your task is to analyze the talk about what you think the author is saying about the importance of talking to strangers. Is it good or bad? Why? How? etc.
franklake   
Nov 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Talks : Kitra Cahana - A Glimpse of Life on the Road [2]

I'm not quite sure what the task was but if it is to analyze the talk be careful not to summarize the text. However, if your task was to summarize it provide more detail, try pretending you have to explain the talk to a complete stranger like me who has not heard the speakers ideas before.

Also make your intro a little stronger and narrowed down to what you're going to get into in the rest of your speech. For instance if it's goignt o be about how the speaker felt through out her life, make it very clear straight a way.

try:"... has yearned to escape from her routine and mundane lifestyle ever since she was a young girl. Her dream today is to get to know the stranges of living unconventionaly on the road. However, due to_____, she is unable to ever pursue that dream."