Undergraduate / Education is the first step in my life as an adult - Common app essay [4]

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

This is a rough draft and I still haven't written a great ending but I wanted someone's advice for a more grabbing beginning so that an admissions counselors would be intrigued to keep reading, Thank you any help is appreciated.

I walked through the hallways of my high school in a nonexistence state of loneliness. I felt alone but in reality, I was surrounded by a crowd of bustling students who were trying to get to their next period before the bell sounded. Something was missing. At this same time last year, I would cross paths with my sister, Angelica. Seeing my sister never ceased to instantly put a smile on my face and it was a part of my school day that I looked forward to. But as you know a lot can change in a year, today I found myself separated from Angelica by a distance of 866 miles. College had finally become a reality for my sister but still remained a mere figment of my imagination. As each day passed, I told myself that today would be the day my sister would return from her prolonged "sleepover" so that we could go back to our daily morning routines. I had officially reached the first stage of loss: denial.

As more days passed, the more I continued to count. Count how long she hadn't been home, spoken to me in person, or nagged me not to lay a finger on her property. I began to visualize her new home in New Orleans, Louisiana, as my enemy. I had reached the second and most dangerous stage of loss where I practiced random acts of aimless anger. Each day it took about three phone calls, two Facetime attempts, and several spammed text messages to finally receive a response back from my sister. By the time I finally got a hold of her, my sister did not even have five minutes to spare before her hectic schedule interrupted us. For me, the distance between us had become not only physical but emotional as well. I longed for the old life that I had been used to for the past 16 years and began to bargain with myself, reaching the fourth but not final stage where I searched for excuses to explain why my sister had left me. Proclaiming a bunch of "what if" statements trying to find a quick solution for my sister to come home as soon as possible, I was glad that the end was near. In the next stage I reached the state of "depression." From the few times I had broken down and received pity parties from my family and friends, my father finally realized it was time to end the separation between his two girls. I packed my bags, hesitant but excited to finally be able to end this only child syndrome I had been experiencing.

As I stumbled onto my sister's college campus and spotted her from across the field, I couldn't stop from smiling. I did not recognize Angelica as the same person we dropped off at the airport a couple months ago. I saw a new light and individual that looked like my sister but had a completely different matured character. Each step slowly closed the distance between us, I felt a sense of acceptance overcome me. I realized that my older sister, my role model, and my missing piece had left but only to step out into the world where she could be independent with her choices and actions to define who she would become. Angie had always been someone that I closely watched over as an example of who I should aspire to be, but the day she left, I became an adult. This year of partial independence gave me the necessary growth and validation to become a more mature person in my eyes and of those around me. Seeing my sister strive in her education endeavors made me realize that an education is the first step in my life as an adult. Now as I walk through the hallways, I am no longer alone. I have my thoughts, my goals, and my realized potential to support me on my my quest for an empowering education.