Undergraduate / I dream of becoming an innovator in aerospace exploration. Syracuse supplement [4]

@Holt I have everything on paper, actually essays are the only problem. Other than this, what do you say about the essay?

Graduate / Motivation Letter for Master of Production Engineering [5]

@dreykusuma
Interesting read in my opinion. But maybe make some parts more sharp and precise?

Undergraduate / Searching for an university that would complement and complete my personality: precise but sharp [13]

@Holt @mualla
Thank you for your feedback again - it really helped me think deep and now aftering exploring their web so much, I have a completely different version. Hope you can further help :)

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
Main ponits I covered: The program, passion for aerospace/ space exploration/ entrepreneurial mindset/ research/ (Eileen Collins: first female pilot/commander of a Space Shuttle and SU graduate. I want to know if it should be added and how.)

I visited Syracuse's website with hopes of finding a university which would not only offer me a major reflecting my passion, but also resources in research and experimentation. When I discovered the aerospace engineering major, I immediately became interested. As I discovered the possibility of a 3-2 Engineering-MBA program, which perfectly suited my entrepreneurial ambitions, I knew Syracuse would be a perfect fit for me.

My parents tell me they discovered an engineer in me very early on: I would break open any new toy to see how it worked. I was not enticed by the flashy exterior of a new RC car as much as I was by pull-back mechanism that allowed it to zoom forward. I would examine batteries and mull over the movement of rockets as they took off vertically, leaving the earth's orbit with apparent ease.

I was a natural explorer and an avid learner.
High school gave me the opportunity to refine my passion even more. I participated, won, and lost, several design/ engineering competitions mainly focusing on extraterrestrial exploration. Every proposal I worked on has further developed my interests in aerospace and interplanetary exploration.

The amazing research opportunities at Syracuse are a huge deal for me. The possibility of studying propulsion systems, researching on the next (space rocket) while my startup gets nourished in the Couri-Hachery, not only influenced me to apply, but made me realize that my journey has just begun: space is vast, and I've barely scratched its surface.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
I feel this one is quite to the point but is it redundant with the last essay? Need help!

I dream of becoming an innovator in aerospace exploration.
High school introduced me to this novel field. In the company of great peers, led by natural curiosity, it didn't take me long to exhaust all resources to develop this new interest. Every project I worked on only made me more curious to explore and eager to learn more and more. However, now I feel I've reached a plateau, possible because of two important factors: firstly, I lack the formal education crucial for anyone wanting to be the best. (And I can only go so far with self-education). Secondly, resources are what puts knowledge in perspective. Without any mentors or professors to talk to, labs to work in or dedicated support to rely on, my dream seems just like an illusion.

Syracuse addresses all of these issues. I have yet to find any other university offering me such a breadth of topics within the Aerospace engineering major: let it be a course on basic aerodynamics or space flight. While this will give me the knowledge I need, the dedicated dynamics and control systems research department will allow me to explore new theories under experienced professors. While I will develop my flight skills in the 622i, the Couri-Hatchery will help me bring my plans to life. And to top it off, the amazing community at Syracuse will not only help me escape my distrubed past, but make me the best version of myself paving my path to be the (next El on Mu sk.)@mualla

Undergraduate / Searching for an university that would complement and complete my personality: precise but sharp [13]

@Holt can you please comment/ edit on this one. Its the same topic, I changed it quite a lot.. Also it's 190/250 words. thanks!
topic: Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?.

I visited Syracuse's website with hopes of finding a university which would not only provide me with a great academic program, but also resources that I can put to use. As I explored the Whitman School of Management, I knew Syracuse would be a perfect for me.

Why so? The management major perfectly suits my business-oriented mindset. The Whitman center provides me resources to grow and develop my business plans: whether it be nourishing my start-up in the student-run incubator, discussing legal issues with a professional legal advisor or connecting with possible VCs. On top of all this, I'd love to live in the close-knitted community, surrounded by ambitious learners which I believe will help me escape my past to become more stable and secure.

All this has not only influenced me to apply to Syracuse, but has also caught me in excitement: I can't wait to be at a place where I feel I belong, to study something which suits my intrinsic interests, to execute my entrepreneurial plans and with close proximity to huge VCs, give future Syracuse website explorers a reason to pursue their dreams. (better ending?)

Undergraduate / Searching for an university that would complement and complete my personality: precise but sharp [13]

@Holt
thanks again for replying. can you clarify how can I use their academic programs to portray a sense of belonging (is that right?). You were quite right when you said that I'm looking for acceptance and a home: i want to mention this in the essay because I want to be active and engaging in the society which would in fact be better than home and better than my previous years where it seemed I didn't belong there. So how do you suggest I put that in?

Unfortunately i cant visit it now. I thought the end was good for academic compatibility, no?
Please let me know what you think about these things and if possible with some sort of example. (also i have something a bit personal to add but dont know how, is there anyway i can email you or something? if not, then just ignore it) thanks

Undergraduate / Searching for an university that would complement and complete my personality: precise but sharp [13]

@lsouleymanou17
thanks for the reply. for the specific things, I talked about their whole community as a whole and the majors Im interested in. I also mentioned the business resources I'll be able to get. But you're right they seem very generic, so can you help me? if you can give me a hint on how to include it I can go from there. thanks again, and waiting.

@Holt
Hi, thank you for the reply. I'm so sorry I forgot to actually mention the topic: Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?. The short answer to this is that the whole experience at Syracuse (community and business program specifically) seems perfect for me as it completes the shortcomings in my life which I feel are effecting my progress/plans (i talk about my disturbed past in my common app). So can you help me put it better? I'm a little lost here. thanks