Undergraduate / 'The right answer' - UChicago Immersion Essay - Rewarding Experience [3]

This is for UChicago Summer Immersion Program. Feedback in general would be beneficial. I'm not that great at grammar so let me know if I messed anything up. Thanks in advance!

Why did you choose... One essay at one time please

Describe your most rewarding recent academic project or academic experience.

I handed him a white piece of paper. He held it up to faded light of the classroom, inspecting the line of numbers and letters that sat atop the page. DeAndre slammed the paper down on the gray school desk. Fire roared in his eyes as he worked furiously on the math problem. His long fingers elegantly glided the pencil across the page. Seconds later he looked up from the page and shouted, "The answer is six!" I picked up the sheet of paper from his desk and examined it. My eyes meticulously scanned each line until I reached the end. A grin shot across my face. DeAndre got the right answer.

I was assigned to tutor DeAndre in algebra through my school's volunteering program. I was initially hesitant and uninterested, but I eventually found satisfaction in teaching and watching him succeed. For six weeks DeAndre and I met with each other every single day. We spent hours staring at x's and y's, deriving formulas, and graphing equations. Fortunately, our adventure culminated with DeAndre effortlessly passing the semester.

On the last day of final exams I waited anxiously outside DeAndre's algebra class to hear news of his performance. Without saying a word, DeAndre walked out of the room, gave me a hug, and handed me an envelope. In it was a card that read a message of thanks and gratitude. Below the message were the signatures of DeAndre and his parents. In that moment it occurred to me that I had helped. I made a difference in someone's academic career.

Throughout all of my endeavors, nothing felt as fulfilling as seeing DeAndre pass his algebra class with my help.

American writer Grace Paley ...

Undergraduate / Music and Brainpower- Stanford Intellectual [5]

Stanford students are known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or experience that you found intellectually engaging.

Any criticism is appreciated. I don't really like my last paragraph but let me know what you think.

Music and Brainpower

My heart started racing and my mind went numb as I heard the string vibrating. I looked to Mr. Glymph, my teacher, as he bellowed, "Wrong note! You can't be a musician if you don't use all of your brain!" This identical routine persisted on for many months as I stumbled and Mr. Glymph screeched, but I continued to disregard his remarks and practice in my careless style.

When I was twelve years old, my musical dexterity increased exponentially. It was not due to a perfection of my technique or more practice, but rather, it was because I came across a short article on my computer's newsfeed that told me that Mr. Glymph was right. The article explained that medical research had shown that musicians utilize virtually all of their brain to perform. As I delved into this fieldwork, I found MRI images that displayed computational, linguistic, and creative centers of a musician's brain lighting up simultaneously. I realized that playing music is not a narrow specialty, but it is an amalgam of various subjects and ideas constructed into an artistic medium. My newfound gratitude of music opened my eyes not only to the correct approach of playing music but also to the expansive applications of science.

The knowledge I gained from that experience helped me to reform my casual approach to practice, and it also furthered my interest in scientific exploration. I found myself appreciating the science that is involved in daily life, and I now realize everything becomes easier with a 100% brainpower approach. Whether it was calculus, tennis, or even debate, all seemed effortless once I fixated my focus on that single activity. I had truly found the key to success, but most importantly, Mr. Glymph was proud to finally see me using all of my brain.