jiale1029
Jan 3, 2017
Undergraduate / I believe that diligence and hard-working is vital. [5]
Hi desin, IMO there isn't a connection between the points listed in your essay. In addition, it is better if you are able to focus on maybe 3 values instead or 4 as you can include some examples for the values. The organisation of the essay is mediocre and by decreasing the number of values, I think your essay will be better. Also, I think that you can write something like you deserved the scholarship for reasons.
Hi desin, IMO there isn't a connection between the points listed in your essay. In addition, it is better if you are able to focus on maybe 3 values instead or 4 as you can include some examples for the values. The organisation of the essay is mediocre and by decreasing the number of values, I think your essay will be better. Also, I think that you can write something like you deserved the scholarship for reasons.