"Describe, in less than 300 words, the values and beliefs you hold strongly to. Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions."
I have hope for the right values in NTU
We human being tends to think out of the box despite of the impossible odds that may be ahead of us. Some may think that being imaginative are the same as being innovative, however in reality, they are not the same, not at all. The belief that I hold strongly is that one must be innovative in their life. Innovation is what pushes mankind forward and it plays an important role in our lives. I was the leader of the committee for the School Innovation Competition. In the competition, I found out that innovation can be anywhere and anytime and regardless of the person's age. As a matter of fact, there was a real example that I have seen before. A student that is 13 years old at the time is able to create a model of a drainage system that is targeted to further improve our lives. Since then, being innovative is a part of my life and I try hard to embrace it.
On the other hand, seeking truth is a value that everyone tries to adhere in their daily lives. That is the same for me, as a science stream student, I always hope to satisfy my own curiosity. It may seem weird but that is who I am. I love asking question during the process of pursuing truth, the discomfort caused by confusion bothers me and I wish to obtain answer through asking the question.
Hence, I hope that the above values are able to represent who am I and my hope towards the future. Studying in NTU is able to help me to be more innovative and also seek the truth and thus I hope that I am able to obtain the scholarship to reduce my parents' burden.
Pls provide some advice for the essay for further improvement! Thanks!
Let me be the first person on this thread to give you feedback. I have highlighted the corrected answer with blue and bolded it as well. I have also put additional brackets for some words that can be inserted or omitted (blue colors), and italicized ones for additional explanation. Below is my correction, according to my best knowledge:
I HAVE HOPE FOR THE RIGHT VALUES IN NTU
We, human beings, tend
s to think out (...) of the impossible oddsoddities that may be ahead ofhindering us. Some of us may think that being imaginative areis the same (...), however in reality(speaking) , they are not the same , not at all .
... is that one
mustshould be innovative ...
... important role in our lives. (For example,) I was appointed of being
the leader of the committeethe committee's leader for the School ...
thethat competition, I found out that innovation (...) anytime and, regardless of ... As a matter of fact, thereThere was also a real example that I have seen before . A student that is 13 years old, which is, a 13 year-old student at the timewho iswas able to create (...) system that iswas targeted to ...
... seeking truth is a value that everyone tries to adhere ... (How do you know? Are there any references, e.g.: Journals, books, forum posts, blogs, newspaper posts, etc. to support this? Anyway, this is an argumentative sentence, therefore should have theoretical groundings to it).
That is the same for me, asAs a science stream (...) own curiosity. It may seem weird but that is who I am.(For example,) I love asking question ...
Studying in NTU
is ablewill enable to help me to be more innovative (...) my parents' burden (Rather than reducing your parents' burden, why don't you opt for 'to sufficiently fund my study'? I can understand your inability to pay the extra-high tuition fee, since I also come from a lower-middle class background, however, it is not wise to explicitly state your financial difficulties unless asked to do so, since doing so will make you appear as if you're begging... While in fact, you might be not!).
I can say that your mistakes are similar to what I've experienced in the past. When I was giving my scholarship essay to my English course teacher, she also said to me that I shouldn't repeat too much on myself. I saw many redundancies on your essay, especially on the first paragraph. It'll be best to avoid redundancies, as this may distract readers and make your essay more difficult to understand. You might also want to study more grammar usages; if you need references on studying grammars, please let me know as I have plenty of them.
Overall, your essay is quite ground-breaking. I see that there were sparkling creativity in the way you write; it is evident from your writing piece that you are an innovative and full-of-idea student, and therefore, have a promising capability to enter NTU through scholarship. Starting from paragraph 3, I can see that you aren't afraid of dreaming high, even though you've gone through difficult situations (in this case, financial situation), which is a definite plus point (especially in terms of hunting scholarship).
You can improve more on specifying what do you want to study in NTU, why do you want to undertake it, and how does it correlate and/or contribute to your creativity flows. Note that based on my knowledge about full scholarships, you may also be asked about what are your future contributing plans after graduating, and you have to clearly state those. Some full scholarships may demand you to go back to your country after studying, hence, you should think about what does your country need and the correlation on your chosen study program in NTU as well as your future contribution in your country.
Good Luck, @jiale1029 ! If you need anything or want to ask me something, please do so, I'll be more than glad to help :)
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Tan, the essay is not asking you to deliver a response in relation to your academic beliefs. That is the wrong idea. The essay would like to focus on a discussion regarding the strength of your character based upon your beliefs as it applies in your daily life. The examples you provide in your essay are really too academic in nature and ceases to represent your personality and beliefs in social aspects. Try to revise the essay to better represent your common or social beliefs. Read up on the mission, vision, and objectives of NTU and do your best to relate your beliefs to that of the university. That way, you allow yourself to develop your actual personality instead of an academic image. The reviewer wants to get to know you as a person rather than as a student because your beliefs will be integrated into the social realm of the student community of the university once you are admitted.