adib_yz
Apr 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 exclusion of women in certain jobs [2]
@ayat_555
I think you need to change your introduction paragraph. The first sentence should be the topic of your essay which is basically paraphrasing the topic and the second sentence could be a general answer that would explain your ideas about the topic. I believe you need to replace the two sentences that start with "This essay" and combine them in a single one.
In the conclusion paragraph, I think you should use "against" instead of between after "discrimination". I can see examples of misusing adjectives throughout your essay that you need to replace them with appropriate ones.
@ayat_555
I think you need to change your introduction paragraph. The first sentence should be the topic of your essay which is basically paraphrasing the topic and the second sentence could be a general answer that would explain your ideas about the topic. I believe you need to replace the two sentences that start with "This essay" and combine them in a single one.
In the conclusion paragraph, I think you should use "against" instead of between after "discrimination". I can see examples of misusing adjectives throughout your essay that you need to replace them with appropriate ones.