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IELTS TASK 2 exclusion of women in certain jobs

Apr 19, 2017   #1
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

gender discrimination in some jobs

It is thought that males and females have different strength and deficiency points, thus the gender is considered a criteria in jobs hiring and selection in specific places. This assays disagrees that women are under-qualified therefore they are unsuitable in certain jobs. This essay will explain the reason behind this opinion as gender has no effect in the quality of task performance in different careers as well as various types of jobs that women were outstanding in them.

It is unfair to classify women as being suitable to a specified list of jobs. The sex of the applicant has nothing to do with the performance quality as skills required in different jobs are usually established by self-discipline and training not given as privilege to specific gender. For example, a BBC news network has once reported that women participation in jobs that was considered before as exclusive for men increased by 35% from the beginning of this century.

Also, it must be mentioned that women were superior to men in significant types of jobs throughout history. Long list of females has proven higher level performance in comparison to males despite the risky nature of that work. For instance, the first person who break the world record number in climbing the highest mountain in the world was a girl in 1934 and the event was huge achievement and strong evidence of the unlimited capability of women.

In conclusion, discrimination between males and females in certain work types is unacceptable and definitely has no sense. Women are considered partners to men and they proved that by long history of their success.

Apr 19, 2017   #2
I think you need to change your introduction paragraph. The first sentence should be the topic of your essay which is basically paraphrasing the topic and the second sentence could be a general answer that would explain your ideas about the topic. I believe you need to replace the two sentences that start with "This essay" and combine them in a single one.

In the conclusion paragraph, I think you should use "against" instead of between after "discrimination". I can see examples of misusing adjectives throughout your essay that you need to replace them with appropriate ones.

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