Posts by lamabeto

lamabeto

Jul 16, 2017

Writing Feedback / GAP YEAR could be a huge asset if used for proper activities - IELTS [5]

I would also say that the essay above does not have a proper balance idea and number of words in each paragraph.
In my opinion the vocabularies are quite strong.

@Holt: you mentioned that "n order to meet the minimum sentence requirements, please make sure that you present at least 3 sentences in every paragraph. You have only 2 sentences in the introduction only 1 in the conclusion, which will result in a mark down of your paper."

=> I would say that the opening usually should be short, 2 sentences is acceptable. Three can be a bit lengthy in some cases.

lamabeto

Jul 4, 2017

Writing Feedback / Graduates should travel and work for a period of time instead of going directly to university [6]

@Minh Thi : first I have to say that it is full of error (even with my English writing skill). You try to use complex structure/vocabularies but may be it is good to write simple sentence correctly first.

Below are some comments:
" for a short of time" => for a short period
"The following paper will clarify that ..." =>
The biggest benefit to them is practical experience gained while the downside of it would be the lost of motivation to continue study. Those paragraph below will discuss those in more details.

"Travelling or working is one of ..." => Travelling and working are activities that ( there is nothing like "outside activities", may be you want to say outdoor activities ...)

lamabeto

Jul 4, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELT T2- Punishments are neccessary to help children learn the right and wrong from early age [6]

@Holt : thanks for great insight! especially about the structure.
I have question on However if you happen to come back here : I used three "however", two of them are in the middle of the sentence to link two contradict clauses. I guess those two are alright.

"Also, when you use "however", make sure that you use it at the start of a paragraph because it indicates a disagreement with a previous statement. " => is it about the last however that I used in the conclusion?

lamabeto

Jul 3, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELT T2- Punishments are neccessary to help children learn the right and wrong from early age [6]

@phantrung
nice point on the repeating "parents and teachers". I certainly need to avoid using them too many times.
Also good suggestion on giving examples.

lamabeto

Jul 2, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELT T2- Punishments are neccessary to help children learn the right and wrong from early age [6]

It is important for children to learn the right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

punishment as a learning tool?

It is very beneficial for children to develop the ability to distinguish between right and wrong at an early age, and parents and teachers can use punishments as a tool to help in this learning process. I agree with this idea but only to some certain kinds of punishments.

In the early stage, if a child is able to differentiate between right and wrong, there are better chances for the child to become a well-behaved member of the society. And since children are innocent, they don't have a clear conscience about abstract concepts like right and wrong, however, they know what is comfortable for them and what is not. From there, children will gradually get the idea about what they should and should not do if they want it to be pleasant. Therefore, parents and teachers can use punishments to help children develop the right behaviors. Punishments can just be as simple as taking away the favorite toys, or detention or time-out technique. Another important factor is the right moment, the punishment should be imposed right away if children commit the wrong behavior, so they know why and what they are being punished for and they will remember it.

Punishments are helpful if parents and teachers use them properly, however children are very volatile, we adults should always remember that punishments are used to help children to learn and not to punish them in any way. If punishments are abused, it can be backfired and results in a destructive consequence for the child. And in some situations, children will carry those wounds with them in the life ahead. Thus parents and teachers should always remember to treat children with care and a good heart.

To sum up, I think it is useful for the child if they can develop a good notion towards the right and the wrong at an early age. Parents and teachers can use punishments to help children learn those concepts and develop the good manner in them. However, punishments should not harm the child in any mentally or physically way. Children need to be treated with good hearts, always.