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Posts by linhlol1749
Name: Linh Nguyen
Joined: Jul 19, 2017
Last Post: Jul 23, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Viet Nam
School: phan huy chu high school

Displayed posts: 4
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linhlol1749   
Jul 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Economic developments result in losing traditional values [4]

@juntrinh
Hello, both of your topic sentences must be clearer. I think that your topics sentences would be the answers for "Why do you disagree with that statement?". You'd better think about two ideas that are related closely to your viewpoint and use them to make the main idea of your paragraphs.

In addition, the conclusion makes me confused that i think it contrasts to your point in the body part, right?
linhlol1749   
Jul 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / Prison or education is better to solve the problem of crime? [4]

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

how to react to diminish the crime



Government now is taking many measures to prevent criminal especially prison sentences. However, improvements on education have gained social endorsement as they think it's better than prison. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this idea since it nearly impossible to compare between two factors that are absolutely necessary for criminal.

On the one hand, there has a variety of reasons that prisons are extremely necessary for social security. They are the place to keep the people who broke the law and to ensure safety of other citizens. Besides, dangerous criminals such as murderers or rapists must be imprisoned permanently so as to compensate for their heinous actions. Furthermore, being condemned to jail would appropriate freedom and have to live a miserable in a cell. Therefore, the people who tend to commit the law would reconsider before taking criminal actions.

On the other hand, education is also considered as an important solution from the origin of crime. Education contributes greatly to heighten people's intellect and to build up a civilized society. Thanks to educational messages, people will have better awareness about the damage that crimes could cause to their community and even themselves eventually leading to the decrease in criminal rates. In addition, fundamental education like vocational training could provide a person a stable life, which could dispel completely every intentions of breaking law.

In conclusion, dangerous objects like criminals must be punished but they also deserve to be educated well. I think there's no fixed way to deal with crimes whether imprisonment policies or better education as they both can tackle the problem in different suitable ways.

Thanks for reading my essay!
linhlol1749   
Jul 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / Practice IELTS Writing Task 2 - Benefit and Drawback of Computer Games [3]

-I think your introduction is quite confusing. At the first sentence, there should have a general sentence for computer games like" Nowadays,almost children seem to spend all of their time on computer games". After that, you write about two statements and you will express your opinion that you disagree or agree at the last sentence

-In condition, the topic sentence of paparagraph 2 is not good. You should write a sentencen which can embrace the whole content of that para.
-About the conclusion, "I agree that computer games influence both positive and negative impacts on children" INFLUENCE IMPACT ON SB/STH
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