Prison is the common way in most countries to solve problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?
how to react to diminish the crime
Government now is taking many measures to prevent criminal especially prison sentences. However, improvements on education have gained social endorsement as they think it's better than prison. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this idea since it nearly impossible to compare between two factors that are absolutely necessary for criminal.
On the one hand, there has a variety of reasons that prisons are extremely necessary for social security. They are the place to keep the people who broke the law and to ensure safety of other citizens. Besides, dangerous criminals such as murderers or rapists must be imprisoned permanently so as to compensate for their heinous actions. Furthermore, being condemned to jail would appropriate freedom and have to live a miserable in a cell. Therefore, the people who tend to commit the law would reconsider before taking criminal actions.
On the other hand, education is also considered as an important solution from the origin of crime. Education contributes greatly to heighten people's intellect and to build up a civilized society. Thanks to educational messages, people will have better awareness about the damage that crimes could cause to their community and even themselves eventually leading to the decrease in criminal rates. In addition, fundamental education like vocational training could provide a person a stable life, which could dispel completely every intentions of breaking law.
In conclusion, dangerous objects like criminals must be punished but they also deserve to be educated well. I think there's no fixed way to deal with crimes whether imprisonment policies or better education as they both can tackle the problem in different suitable ways.
Thanks for reading my essay!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,249 4652
Hi Linh, listen, when an essay asks if you agree or disagree with an opinion, don't discuss both sides in the essay. You aren't supposed to do that because the word "or" in the essay means you are expected to discuss only the opinion that you are supporting. When you discuss the one opinion that you support, include the reasons for your support in order to make an acceptable presentation of your opinion. In this essay, I am also unclear, as per your opening statement, as to which side of the discussion you do not support because you did not indicate it specifically in the opinion sentence at the close of this paragraph. So I went through your essay very confused as to which side you support because you did not really give a personal opinion discussion in the essay. Do you see why you need to discuss only one side of the opinion in this instance? Exactly, you can't have the reader guessing as to what you are trying to say.
I would also like to advise you to improve your lexical resource / vocabulary skills. Some of the problematic references in your essay that led me to the conclusion that you need to further practice this area and become more familiar with the English language is that you kept on saying "criminal" when you meant to say "crime" and you actually referred to the "criminal" as an "object" when he is a person, not a thing. These small errors can have a very big effect on the down scoring of your essay so you should concentrate on improving your skills in this regard.
I think i have misunderstood seriouly. Thank you for giving me useful advices. I would rewrite this essay again and hope you will check it for me one more time. Thank you :)
Hello, your point is good, while it's better to pay attention to some usual grammatical mistakes, like there has, they are the place to..., the people and some others.
It would be better if you review the essay just after writing it and I believe you can avoid these mistakes.