Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 2] ...reward members of staff...by giving them extra money... [3]

I'm new in IELTS writing so my essay may be not good. Therefore, I really need your bits of help or advance.
Topic: Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contributions to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others.

To what extent is this style of management is effective?
Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?

rewarding policy for workers

I am in agreement with this statement that it is a good idea for employers to give rewards to their employees as theirs exceptional contributions. Nevertheless, this style of management may have a negative impact on workers. And there are still other ways to motivate employees to work productively and efficiently.

First of all, this rewarding policy is effective. I totally approve of that the employees devoting their health and enthusiasm to the firms deserve an extra money. On account of the bonus money able to make great differences in their life, they will feel so grateful to the bosses and that their contributions they have made are meaningful. Hence, they will try their best in working responsibly and effectively. In other words, just a small amount of money given is a great motivation for the employees. And because the workers received bonus money will make greater efforts, the bosses taking advantage of this style of management is understandable.

Secondly, in spite the fact that the rewarding policy motivating the employees is effective, this practice is sometimes counter-effective. On the one hand, some staffs who are just interested in bonus money more than having a connection with work are willing to leave the company when it gets financial problems. On the other, some workers not given extra money because of failing to finish their work as scheduled as a result of illness or not sufficient for attempt may feel discouraged from work. Besides, giving bonus money to only several employees can lead to the jealousy among colleagues.

Instead of, there are other ways to make employees feel motivated in work. In addition to the rewarding policy, I recommend that the employers should give public recognition to their employees by means of having a party with the view to praising them for their contributions or giving them some awards such as "The best employee", etc...Because of their contributions winning the bosses' recognition, they feel respected and make greater efforts.

In conclusion, the rewarding policy has many pros and cons. However, if the bosses take advantage of this policy properly, it will stimulate the workers to work more successfully.

That's all, I really your feedbacks. Thanks a lot in advance.