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Posts by gongyoooppa
Name: GongYoo Oppa
Joined: Aug 23, 2017
Last Post: Aug 24, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Australia
School: Yen Lac Secondary School

Displayed posts: 4
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gongyoooppa   
Aug 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Young People's Dependency on Changing World [3]

I think you should check the phrase "young people are still dependent their parents like as the before" again. And "dependent on" is a phrase. Your essay lacks prepositions. On the second para, the phrase "cutural values" should not be rewritten too much. You need to practise more on your grammar.
gongyoooppa   
Aug 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / [writing task 2]The best way for children to read books. [4]

You said "important to people", so this should be "to students",too. Also, in the introduction you should not use "aren't" but "are not". This must be noticed when writing an academic essay. I see your essay has several grammatical mistakes, like: in other hand ( on the other hand) ; Studying book always be used ( Studying book are always used); It is the reason make bore for studying ???; read educational books is useful ( "reading" or "to read" instead) ; to allowed ; experiences about life (in life)......

It is obvious that you don't use the correct collocations for your words and your verb tense is also uncorrect.
Try to make progress, it is just my own point of view about your thread.
gongyoooppa   
Aug 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / Many wildlife species worldwide are in danger of extinction. How can we protect endangered animals? [3]

Saving wild animals' lives



These days, governments have dealt with the problem of protecting wild animals from extinction. Thus, people worldwide should work together to come up with more and more effective solutions.

Firstly, it is common knowledge that pollution does great harm to wild creatures. For instance, water pollution from sewage, chemical waste or leaked oil causes the death of countless aquatic animals and plants; also soil pollution contaminates a large number of forests, which are the permanent home for wild species. As a result, we should protect the environment by collecting litter along the beach and purifying the industrial waste. What is more,growing more trees is also advisable for everyone to prevent land and air pollution.

Secondly, the fact that hunters kill animals for their own sake is worth taking into consideration. It is clear that these creatures are hunted owning to illegal business, so the number of wild animals gradually decline each year, which leads to their extinction. Consequently, governments had better conduct more strict policies or create new punishments for ones who break the law. Besides, hunting wild animals without permission ought to be completely prohibited.

Last but not least, the extinction of wildlife species is considered to be a result of human's overpopulation. Undoubtedly, places to live are quickly filled up, so people have no choice but cut down more trees to build houses. This process continues and threatens the life of many wild creatures. Therefore, authorities must try their best to lower the growth of population and carry out the projects of preserving natural sights, taking care of wildlife species' lives and keeping them away from human's reach.

To summarize, to protect endangered animals from the edge of extinction is absolutely essential for every individual because it is primarily the result of human's awareness. From my point of view, people should be more aware of the negative effects on the destruction of wild animals' lives.
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