Posts by IELTS

IELTS_Academic

Oct 27, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Bar Chart 1(Car Trips Taken by Men and Women) [5]

@T J Luschen,

Thank you so much for your valuable feedback. I really thank you a lot for suggesting me better language constructs to use in my writing.

{this seems unclear to me ...}

--- Yes, I meant that in each category, the difference between male and female drivers is 10%. I am really sorry that it the way I wrote the sentence was not clear to you. Could you please suggest me a better way to put this?

{but that is not what you mean, right?}

-- Here I meant that out of the total trips taken by female drivers, 50% were taken for work purposes.
Also, out of the total trips taken by male drivers, 50% were taken for work purposes.

Could you please suggest me a better way to put this in a sentence?

Thanks again for correcting other grammar mistakes and suggesting better words.

IELTS_Academic

Oct 27, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Bar Chart 1(Car Trips Taken by Men and Women) [5]

various reasons for car rides

Question:

The bar chart below shows the estimated percentage of car trips taken by drivers in 2005.

Answer:

The bar chart illustrates approximate percentages of car trips taken by male and female drivers for various reasons in 2005.

Overall, both men and women drove to and from work the most number of times whereas the least number of trips taken by gents were for going to banks and running errands, compared to visiting town by ladies. The maximum difference in the percentage of car outings made by male and female drivers was for work and shopping, accounting for around 10%.

With regards to driving for work purposes, both men and women drove more or less half of the total trips . However, more number of car trips were taken by male drivers for visiting town and recreations, slightly under 10% and just over 10% respectively, whereas female drivers took below 5% of the total trips for both of these purposes.

In contrast, for the remaining occasions more number of car trips were taken by lady drivers. Among the rest of the reasons, women drove the most for shopping, accounting for a little above 15% ,compared to men at exactly 10%. Similar trend was followed for attending courses, running errands, going to the bank and visiting friends which accounted for nearly 1 in 10 of the total trips taken by female drivers, while male drivers took about 1 in 20 with one exception of attending courses which caused male drivers to drive almost 1/10th of the trips.

Bar Chart

IELTS_Academic

Oct 20, 2017

Writing Feedback / The bar chart compares the worldwide sales figures for four different games over 6 years period [9]

Hi monopolymi,

A few pieces of advice:

1. In the introductory statement, while you are paraphrasing the question, please include some more information from the chart , such as, year range and the name of the different games (as they are not many)

2.The paragraph for overall trend is decent (scope for improvement is there) and it's better if you use the word "overall" at the beginning of this paragraph.

3. I think what your report lacks the most is comparison among different figures. You just represented the data as they are in the chart given, but you did not show your analytical skills by comparing the figures. Another thing which I think you should improve upon is your ability to group and summarise information logically. I did not understand the logic behind the grouping of two body paragraphs.

IELTS_Academic

Oct 20, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Bar chart - Population distribution in the Northwest region (1900 to 2050) [8]

Holt has briefly pointed out the main faults in this essay. However, I would like to point out some of the other problems:

1. In the introductory statement, while you are paraphrasing the question, please include some more information from the chart , such as, the region categories(rural, urban, suburban ).

There is a grammatical mistake which I couldn't help but pointing out...

... period between 1900 to and 2050.

2. I would say to make a separate paragraph for writing about the overall trend and it's better if you use the word "overall" at the beginning of this paragraph.

3. "The number of people who live in rural area dropped quickly."

I have a problem with the word "quickly" here. I think "significantly" or "rapidly" or "dramatically" would be a better choice. Quickly is a time-related adverb. I think which you tried to mean here that the drop was to a great extent. So, quickly doesn't fit here.

IELTS_Academic

Oct 20, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The trend of GDP growth in post-reform China [6]

Hello Wong,

As a fellow candidate preparing for IELTS academic I can give you few pieces of advice concerning Writing task 1.

1. Try to paraphrase the statement given in the question rubric. While paraphrasing try to include more information taken from the graph, such include the year range(which you have done). You could have included a sentence about the unit, such as, "Units are measured in million yuan".

2. The second paragraph should be focused on general trend or key features starting with the word "overall". Try to compare and contrast a little bit if possible in this segment.

3. For the body paragraphs, try to group the paragraphs logically . Although you somehow have managed to logically divide the body paragraphs into two, it lacks logical flow and cohesion and coherence in your writing.

4. Add more adjectives and adverbs such as significant increase, dramatic increase etc.

Hope this helps.

IELTS_Academic

Oct 7, 2017

Writing Feedback / Effect of Single-gender schools - wrtiting task 2 for IELTS [3]

@Holt,

I am really sorry that I missed writing the question fully. The complete question is:

In many countries today, parents are able to choose to send their children to single-sex schools or co-educational schools. Some people think that children going to single-sex schools have disadvantages later in life.

To what extent do you agree?

Could you please tell me if my essay is fine for the question mentioned above? Please tell me if I need to make any changes?

IELTS_Academic

Oct 7, 2017

Writing Feedback / Effect of Single-gender schools - wrtiting task 2 for IELTS [3]

Question:
===========

In many countries today, parents are able to choose to send their children to single-sex schools or co-educational schools. Some people think that children going to single-sex schools have disadvantages later in life.

Answer:
============

single or a mixed gender school?

In different parts of the world,it is often decided by the parents whether to admit their kids to a single gender school or a mixed gender school. It is considered by many that studying in a all boys or all girls school has some negative impacts on a child's life when they are grown up. I completely agree with this notion and in support of my view I will discuss the problems faced by both male and female students in this essay.

One serious problem faced by the boys having studied in single gender schools is uneasiness while communicating to a girl. As a student spends a vast majority of his life in school and in an all boys school he can only get along with students of the same gender, he faces difficulties interacting with girls. Due to this many boys suffer from severe mental pressure when they enter college and see that the boys coming from a co-educational background have a better rapport with girls than they have. It badly affects them at such a critical juncture of their lives.

Similarly, girls coming from a single-sex school feel nervous when they enter college or join the workforce which have people from both the genders. As they have not had the experience of working and competing with males,they feel dominated by the large number of men in college or workplace. They always prefer to be surrounded by female colleagues and try to avoid getting along easily with men ,which does not contribute to a healthy work environment.

In conclusion, I agree with the notion that children studying in single gender schools face a lot of problems in life in terms of communication and confidence, compared to the ones studying in mixed gender schools.

IELTS_Academic

Oct 4, 2017

Writing Feedback / What is better for students, living in boarding school or in their parents? [4]

Some people ~~argued~~, argue that children will ...

---no need to use past tense here as this is true for all times. It is not that people argued the issue in the past and they do not do it anymore.

Those who ~~supported~~ support the boarding school ...
--due to the same reason mentioned above

IELTS_Academic

Sep 20, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Writing Task 2: Essay Writing (Effect of the Internet in society) [2]

Question:
========

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages,the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages.

To what extent do you agree?

Answer:
======

importance of the internet in today's world

Internet is clearly one of the greatest inventions of this age. Though it offers a lot of benefits to the society,it is often argued by many that the damages caused by the uncontrolled and insecure environment of internet negate the positive impacts. However, I strongly disagree with this notion considering the benefits provided by it, such as improvement in human lives and ease of access to knowledge ,which will be discussed in this essay.

Internet has played a key role in improving the quality of human life worldwide. Firstly, communication among people on a global level has become very easy and fast due to the internet. People from all over the world can interact at real time using the applications, namely Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter, what was not even imaginable a few years ago. Secondly, people are able to perform their day to day activities,such as banking, shopping, paying bills from the comfort of their homes through the internet. As a result, the time and energy saved can be put in into other activities like pursuing a hobby or nurturing a skill, which in turn improves the quality of human lives.

Moreover, the internet has given people easy access to knowledge regardless of their nations and economic conditions. The rapid growth of internet has made it a place of knowledge sharing. People are taking to the internet to share their knowledge in every possible fields. Take, for example, the Youtube channel 'Khan Academy',where an MIT alumni Dr. Salman Khan has been creating educational videos to teach people various subjects such as mathematics, science,computers to name a few. Owing to this revolution in knowledge sharing,people from all over the world with internet access can learn almost everything at least up to a basic level for free. This has caused a great positive impact especially amid the population of emerging economies.

In conclusion, though I think that measures should be taken to control and safeguard information in the webspace, I do not accept the fact that the disadvantages such as these have a bigger impact than the positivities it is bringing to the society by improving the quality of human lives and providing access to knowledge.

Please review it keeping the IELTS writing exam criteria in mind.

IELTS_Academic

Sep 20, 2017

Scholarship / Chevening scholarship opportunity to pursue postgraduate studies in UK [4]

Hi Jackwath,

I am pointing out some grammatical mistakes in your writing:

1. ... my home country if I ~~will be~~ am given Chevening ...

2. If the target ~~will be~~ is successfully achieved...

3. ... after returning ~~back~~ to my home country.

IELTS_Academic

Sep 18, 2017

Writing Feedback / Exploring Natural Resources (high demand in oil and gas) - IELTS 2: Essay Writing [2]

Question:
===========

With the increased global demand in oil and gas,undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources.
To what extent do you agree?

Word Limit: A minimum of 250 words

Answer:
=======

exploitation of nature

In this modern era of massive industrialisation and technological advancements, a sharp rise in the need for natural resources such as petroleum and gas has been noticed globally. As the stocks of these natural fuels are getting diminished, many people are of the notion that we should try to search for the same in the unexplored territories of the world. I believe that this can result in a lot of problems like more exploitation of environment , global warming and even war between countries.----81 words

Exploring the undiscovered areas for oil and gas will lead to more exploitation of nature. Many studies have shown that digging into the seas and oceans has caused severe damage to the marine ecosystem. Due to this, lots of marine creatures are on a verge of being extinct.--48 words

Furthermore, combustion of petroleum products generates greenhouse gases which are one of the main causes of global warming. The greenhouse gases such as CO2 prevents the heat of our atmosphere from dissipating into the outer space, hence increasing temperature of our environment.---42 words

Additionally, a more immediate adverse effect can be seen in the form of fights between countries to get the possession of those areas in which more resources have been found. The powerful and wealthy countries may engage in war to get hold of the newly discovered areas in order to outrun others in the race of being the most powerful economy.---61 words

In conclusion, though it might sound logical to allow people look for natural resources in the areas yet to be explored, but in the long run it is likely to be proven as damaging to the environment as well as to the society.--44 words

Total: 276 words

I would like to have a writing feedback on the above essay written by me keeping in mind the criteria of IELTS Writing exam. If you are not an IELTS trainer, your feedback is welcome as well.