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Posts by jennrobin23
Name: Jennifer Griffith
Joined: Dec 28, 2017
Last Post: Dec 29, 2017
Threads: -
Posts: 3  
Likes: 3
From: United States of America
School: WHS

Displayed posts: 3
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jennrobin23   
Dec 29, 2017
Scholarship / UGRAD - My dreams and passions of becoming a successful Interpreter may be fullfiled [8]

I think your essay could be even stronger if you give specific examples. One could be where you say ". During my leading, I have faced many problems, difficulties and challenges..." You could add an example to show how you dealt with a problem and solved it.

Maybe rephrase your opening. "'When it rains ...' is a common phrase that I find myself in it.This is a phrase that has continuously applied to my life. " Or something like that.

When you say " I can show Tajikistan to American ..." Maybe expand on your new perspective makes you a good participant for the program.

"Another reason is that I have deeply love learning English ever since ..."
Good luck and be more specific with examples!
jennrobin23   
Dec 28, 2017
Undergraduate / DISCOVERING NEW PATHS. CURIOSITY MAKES ME A GREAT PARTICIPANT [3]

I am a big fan of this essay! The message is great overall.
In the beginning when you say how you are a normal student, maybe instead say something like you make look like a normal student but something powerful separates you from the rest.

In the first paragraph say "From that, I started as a business student without a basic knowledge of media and rose to become the head of the media department of my faculty."

Maybe say "United States of America" instead of USA.
Finishing the paragraph, maybe say," The tons of questions I have about of America will be answered if I am a participant in the Global UGRAD program.

In the third paragraph, do not begin the sentence with "But", just say "I used to be so shy etc.."
Later in the sentence say "I participate in many activities etc. instead of "attend"
Then you could say, "For instance, I have found that I am good at photography." instead of "Then I found..."
Finish the paragraph with "I believe UGRAD will be a good chance to help me learn more about myself."
Don't say "In conclusion," and say, "Walt Disney once said, etc."

Again it is a great essay! Good luck with the application.
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