Undergraduate / University of Pennsylvania supplement: What are you gonna do here? [2]

prompt: How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words)

education that matches my personal ideals and experiences

As my interest in neuroscience stemmed from my desire to learn more about Parkinson's Disease, which has severely disabled my beloved grandmother, the Biological Basis of Behavior Program's emphasis on clinical neuroscience will allow me to study in an environment that will constantly remind me of the reason and determination behind my major choice. In BBB, I wish to explore topics I'm fond of both through electives that cater to my specific interest and by engaging in extracurriculars such as research and teaching.

As BBB doesn't include specific concentrations, I feel excited to tailor my own learning experience. I will seek to not only understand the fundamentals of various neurological disorders but also examine the economic and sociological implications of these diseases in Neurobiology of Brain disorder. By taking Laboratory in the Structure of the Nervous System, I'll be able to gain a comprehensive knowledge in the nervous system and learn laboratory skills that will prepare me for independent research. Most importantly, advanced courses such as Neurodegenerative Diseases will allow me to achieve expertise in NDs and bring me one step closer to my life goal of enhancing patient lives through the discovery of better treatments or possible cures for such diseases.

BBB further attracted me with its newly formed Minor in Computational Neuroscience, a field in which my fascination with computer science can be effectively integrated into my pursuit of neuroscience. Supported by the minor's highly interdisciplinary nature, I will be equipped with knowledge in multiple fields of study to confront real-world problems. In the course Brain-Computer Interfaces, for example, I'll be able to combine my understanding of central nervous systems and computers to investigate how BCIs can contribute to the development of adaptive DPS therapies for Parkinson's. Furthermore, by taking Machine Learning, I hope to gain insights on not only ways to utilize computer algorithms to extract meaningful information from the vast bodies of data generated by modern neuroscience research but machine learning itself, which is quickly becoming an inspiring source for new theories on the workings of the brain.

What thrills me even more than the courses is the fact that I'll be applying my knowledge to answer questions that no one yet knows the answer to through research. I specifically look forward to joining the Chen-Plotkin Lab, where computational methods are incorporated into bench research to shed light on the mechanisms underlying neurodegeneration. The lab piqued my interest when I realized that its principal investigator, a PD neurologist, is pioneering the discovery of how genetic variants previously associated with Parkinson's actually cause the disease. I plan to not only take part in the laboratory studies but actively contribute to the lab by using my computational skills to assist in genetic database mining. In a lab that brings together expertise in clinical neuroscience and computer science, I wish to participate in and learn to appreciate research that strives to impact the devastating yet little-known neurodegenerative diseases.

Above all, I am drawn to the precious opportunity offered by BBB to serve the community through my favorite method-teaching. I'm excited to share my knowledge and passion in neuroscience with high-school students through ABCS of Everyday Neuroscience. With a unique, conversational approach, I will strive to provide students with an engaging learning experience and kindle a love for neuroscience in these young minds by leveraging my past experience in teaching. I would like to become a Moelis Access Science fellow to learn from and exchange ideas with other student teachers who are passionate about impacting the community by fostering a general curiosity about STEM in K-12 students.

I love the Biological Basis of Behaviors Program of Penn not just for its excellence in academics but because it provides a kind of education that matches with my personal ideals and experiences. I would definitely attend University of Pennsylvania if admitted there.

Dear Reader,

Which paragraph should I seek to expand on? Do my sentences sound repetitive?
It is due soon and I would appreciate your input.

Undergraduate / Common App Essay: Open-mindedness and Christianity [4]

Prompt: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

I opened my mind on others' beliefs

"So what about you, Wenbo? Are you a true Christian?" The Bible teacher throws it at me right after a passionate lecture on the essence of Christianity. Thus, the most dreaded question comes assailing me head-on. The sudden silence in the classroom stretches my every second to an eternity, and the stagnant air exerts on me a nauseous pressure. Even the intense gaze of a preying mantis pales in comparison to those ruthlessly shot at me from the scrutinizing eyes of my Christian classmates.

There you go: my second day in a Christian private school, with me, holding a Bible for the first time, stuck just like that.

Born in a non-religious family and having been an atheist for my whole life, I was surprised at my parents' decision to send me to a religious school for my secondary education. Though initially uneasy, I thought I would be okay as long as I didn't touch on religious topics in school.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

Things similar to what happened on my second day in school regularly occurred and only got worse as time went by. I can still vividly recall how my stupefied self clapped soullessly in my first chapel; how I struggled to keep up with the fervent overnight praising in the school retreats; and how I fought back my urge to correct people's stereotypical understanding of evolution as monkeys (not even apes) turning into humans. More than anything, I cringed at the school's effort to insulate its students from notions incompatible with the Christian worldview it cherishes.

I spent my entire middle-school career preoccupied with an antagonistic mindset toward Christianity, a seemingly rigid, close-minded religion. However, as my thoughts matured in high school, I realized my own narrow outlook. I looked down at the cowardice of my classmates who didn't dare step out of their comfort zone, but had I ever gone beyond my own? I sneered at their lack of understanding of the outside world, but what did I know about their belief and community? If Christians ideals seemed counter-intuitive to me, an atheist who had just begun to learn the Bible, then theories such as evolution must sound ridiculous to my Christian classmates, who have zero knowledge of them.

For the first time, I found that my classmates, who seemingly lived in an alien world, were fundamentally the same as me, an unyielding conservative shut in his own box. We all lacked a little open-mindedness.

My realization prompted me to take a course of action I would never have taken otherwise. My newborn curiosity about my classmates' belief pushed me to not only voluntarily examine the Bible, originally avoided by me as a book of heresy, but also set off on an adventure to the church right next to my house. As my knowledge of Christianity grew, I overcame the prejudice that had been troubling me ever since I became a middle-schooler. My experiences in church, though at first greatly discomforting, taught me the essence of Christian communities and unshackled me from my obstinacy.

Finally, I found myself at ease about school. I started having meaningful conversations with my friends on topics my former self would detest; the Bible class became engaged in fair academic discourses as I encouraged my peers to ponder on perspectives they tended to oversimplify; I actively participated in the annual Christmas concert to blend in with the close-knit community of Christians. Eventually, my relationship with my schoolmates culminated in me being elected the MC of this year's Christmas concert and the student body president.

In retrospect, I'm glad that I was sent to a Christian school, where I learned how to embrace and collaborate with people whose worldviews conflict with mine. In college and society, places where I will inevitably encounter new beliefs, I hope my receptiveness can guide me to inspire a sense of open-mindedness in everyone I meet.

Dear Reader,

Should I explain any part more in depth? Is there any unnecessary parts? Are my intro and conclusions good enough?

Thanks a lot in advance!

Undergraduate / Cornell College of Arts & Sciences Supplement: biology + computer science + why Arts & Sciences [3]

Prompt: Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests?

How my interest in biology and CS was fostered

In my junior year, driven by my passion for science and desire to learn more about neurodegenerative diseases, I excitedly joined the newly formed AP Biology class. My experience learning college-level biology was exhilarating: there were simply so many "Aha!" moments. The fact that billions of cells are applying their expertise in chemistry and working in complement to one another to sustain delicate, complex systems like our bodies brought chills down my spine; how my brain is precisely manipulating my fingers to type words into my laptop by relaying multiple action potentials to the very nerves controlling my lumbricals and interossei was mind-blowing; complicated research did not scare me away but enthralled me all the more with the unlimited potential of biology waiting to be uncovered by my venturesome mind.

Desiring to learn more about the science of life, I turned to courses available online and spent many long nights listening to lectures on various biological sciences ranging from molecular/cellular biology to biomedical science. I was able to further refine my understanding in biology by leading the biology sector of our Science Olympiad team, which offered me not only the chance to share my knowledge in a subject I'm fascinated with but also an idea of how collaboration works in the general science community.

As I dug deeper into biology, I noticed its firm connection with computer science and tried books about the latter found at my home and several online coding lessons. Though I originally planned to study a bit of programming to complement my knowledge in biology, I soon fell for the world of computer science, a complex world comprising surprisingly simple commands such as "if" and "else" and straightforward, algorithmic approaches for problems.

In this world, for the first time, I was able to explore what I'm curious about at will. From testing how changing a postfix increment to a prefix increment would affect the output of a loop to building a program using different combinations of methods, I experimented on all sorts of things while programming. I was fascinated at how much I could learn by engaging myself in hands-on research-by trying to answer a question that's not addressed anywhere else with what I have at my hands.

The College of Arts and Sciences is special to me because of its truly diversified yet in-depth academic programs, which will allow me to pursue subjects I love to my heart's content. I was awed at that as if the fourteen biology concentrations already offered were not enough, each of them further branches into a myriad of specialized topics such as stem cells and cancer genetics; similarly, the breadth and depth of electives available for students enamored of CS astonished me (they are even grouped into vectors to viewed and selected easily!). As a prospective double major in biology and computer science, I'm especially excited to take specific interdisciplinary courses that cater to my interest in both biology (especially neuroscience) and computer science, such as Introduction to Computational Neuroscience, in the College of A&S.

What thrills me even more than courses for my majors is that I'll be applying what I learned in research to answer questions that no one yet knows the answers to in the College. I specifically want to perform research in the Yu Lab, where algorithms/programs integrate into molecular biology in a way parallel to how I've always expected them to be merged. A recent publication in which the lab's principal investigator was associated with demonstrates how computational analysis of data helped determine the specific role that interactions of mitochondrial proteins play in neurodegenerative diseases. It instantly resonated with my wish to apply my programming skills in neuroscience research to better understand and treat NDs such as Parkinson's and prompted my realization that Cornell's College of A&S is the right place for me to achieve my goal.

Dear Reader,

What do you think about the beginning? Is it a bit blunt? I actually had a introduction before that but had to delete it because of the word count (650 words). Here is the actual introduction:

As a child, I spent a great portion of my time swimming through the marvelous wonders of the world presented by a whole series of pop-science encyclopedias sitting on my father's shelf. It was my guilty pleasure to immerse myself in these books, satisfying my innate curiosity on Mother Nature whenever I got stuck on a math problem or couldn't put my young, energetic self to sleep.

Do you think I should sacrifice some part of my essay to add this intro? If yes, which part? Do you think my "why Cornell CAS" part (the last two paragraph) is specific enough? Should I combine any paragraphs? Should I add a conclusion or is the ending good enough?

I really need some help. Thanks a lot in advance!