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Camp Counselor: Princeton Summers Supplement

sg07062000 2 / 3  
Dec 30, 2017   #1
If there are any suggestions or grammatical help, that'd be greatly appreciated

summers memories

As each summer goes by, we experience new acts, revisit old memories, and take a step closer to our future. My previous summers have primarily consisted of working as a camp counselor at Summer Fundamentals. This may seem like a generic job, but this camp was filled with my past and where I attended school, Bishop Dunn Memorial School. Filled with old memories as I walk down the halls, but also with the new ones to come. The summer of 2016 was my first year as a counselor, after two years of volunteering at the camp. I taught incoming second and third graders and as summer flew by, I found a new love for reading and helping others to learn. I read fifteen books these last two summers, from teen novels to American Classics, including The Handmaid's Tale, The Grapes of Wrath, Eleanor & Park, and so many more. Going from class to class, they learned how to swim, speak Spanish, and understand reading comprehension.

This cycle happens all over again the next summer. But what was truly different this time around, were the new classes: Japanese and Beekeeping, something I had never been exposed to before. This summer seemed much more exciting than ones in the past. My family and I finished the summer by traveling to California for the first time. We visited LACMA, the Hollyhock House, and the Getty Center. These activities may seem small, but they have made a great difference in my life.
UltimaWeapon 3 / 4 3  
Dec 30, 2017   #2
" I read fifteen books these last two ..." <- I don't think this part is a digression. You should either delete it or explain how it connects to your camp counselor experience.

I'm not sure what the prompt is, but I think you should focus on one of your experience (either last year or this year) and elaborate on how "these activities......have made a great difference in [your] life."
OP sg07062000 2 / 3  
Dec 30, 2017   #3
Thank you so much for the feedback.
This was the prompt: Summers Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held. (About 150 words)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,830 4781  
Dec 30, 2017   #4
Wenbo, I am going to be very honest with you about your response to this prompt. It is not impressive, it is not memorable, and all it does is provide a response that could have come from any camp counselor. There is nothing that stands out about your activities at the camp over the past 2 years. As a camp counselor, you have not shown anything from the previous time frame that showcases an extraordinary experience for you as a counselor at the camp. As the reviewer reads this essay, he will look for instances where you showed an extraordinary prowess, trait, or character that tells him something unique about you as a person that goes beyond the basic information and prompt discussions. You need to make the essay pop somehow even with the word limitation. Wasn't there something extraordinary that you learned at the camp over the past 2 years that you can present? Didn't you accomplish something of note on your own while performing your duties as camp counselor? Impress the reviewer by showing him a sense of maturity and responsibility for the campers that you were in charge of. The trick to responding to this prompt is to show how you have grown as a person over the past 2 years. This is the prompt that could quite possibly, convince the reviewer that you are ready to take charge of your life and make adult decisions as an independent college student in their community.

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